262 Comments

1. Same thing is happening to me right now, cause anytime i visit my boyfriend that is the main thing he is dieing for i.e. sex, which I as a 24 yr old is not ready to give! I want it to be for my husband and not my boyfriend! But now I am fed up, cause I am thinking maybe he just wanna have sex with me and tht is it!

2. hi. 🙂 before i lost my virginity at the age of 17, i also thought of waiting for the right time. but then a boy came into my life. we were best friends, and have totally different point of views. he had all the experience, and i, on the other hand, don’t have a single idea. so several months passed, we fell inlove with each other and we talked about “it”.

   i can say that NO, i didnt give in. it was not an obligatory thing or something. it was scary at first, we tried several times before we finally did it. we lay at each other naked, but just kisses and hugs, then progressed to more intimacy.. and finally we did it. and it was fun. and fulfilling.

   sex is really a “sharing” of feelings and experience. i am committed to him and he is committed to me. i can see him as my husband in the future. i am 19 now and the past 2 years have been the greatest so far. sometimes i even feel that he is more committed than i am. and that is such a blessing. i love him 🙂

   wait if you really would like to, but not just because of beliefs. sometimes, those beliefs are bent. sex is a scary thought at first. but it will go away if you find a committed partner. plus, it makes life exciting 🙂

3. One more thing, and then I’ll shut up. Quote of the Week for me, from stephen.

   “Beware of ‘experienced’ women…”

   Yes, we are the women your mama warned your about….(eye roll)

   runs into the other room to check the calendar to make sure she hasn’t fallen into Rip in the Space Time Continuum which has transported her 60 or 70 years or more into the past….nope, still 2010……WTF?

4. Brigit, WHERE did I mention “orgies?” (See how the uninformed think. Not a virgin? You must be attending “orgies.” Quite a jump. )

   You also made some weird comments about relationships “based on sex” and how these won’t last “Sex fades after some years and if that is what your relationship is built on then your relationship is going to fade as well” REALLY? You KNOW this? How?

   My Man and I have been together for over 25 years, the last few decades, in a monogamous relationship. Sex is one of the pillars of our relationship. I am not anywhere near 60, but he’s 50 years old. Neither of us is “afraid to have sex” because one of us will “break a hip” (really? I’m actually laughing here.) and in the past 25 years our love has only grown stronger, and our sex life has strengthened what we had, originally, as a basis, years ago, by USING it.

   As it stands, we make love now more than when I was in my teens. Decades later, a relationship that was at one point an Open one (meaning we saw other people, yes even had sex with them, as I was too young to commit, marry or even engage and I needed to finish college as well as both of us sowing some Wild Oats.) is stronger than ever. We didn’t “tire” of sex, in fact, as we got older, it got better, more frequent and more……interesting. Our experiences with other made it better, and neither of us is moving on or getting bored.

   I said NOTHING against a healthy, long term monogamous relationship. NEVER! (Considering that is what I have now, and have had for many many years.) All I said was that the outdated, antiquated idea of the Virginal Bride being the secret to a successful marriage is usually false and misogynist as well as miso-andrist, and that women, healthy, adult women, enjoy sex just as much as healthy adult men, and usually WANT IT as much as men. And that “waiting until the wedding night” and going into the marriage clueless and fumbling does *nothing* to ensure a long term, monogamous relationship.

   Experience, courage, love of experimentation, and Love itself will ensure that. I also said that those of of who have Been There have been in both places, all of us who HAVE sex were once virgins, so we CAN relate, yet the Virgins have never been IN a sexual relationship, so they CANNOT see, nor understand what we do, nor feel what we do, nor predict what will happen in an adult, mature relationship. They have never had one, so their “predictions” are moot.

   Wait a minute….did you mention cows….and milk…..and…..farmers?

   (Mademoiselle runs from the room rending her garments……)

5. stephen, you make the assumption that women don’t like or want sex, that they only have sex when “under pressure” and that having sex is “a surrender.” You are wrong.

   You also present us with an outdated and unfair Double Standard for women. According to YOU, men are allowed “a guy….who has gotten past his adolescent fling and now waits for a virtuous woman.” Huh? It’s OK for men to have “flings” and THEN, after he’s done, what, “banging hos” it’s fine for him to NOW want “a virtuous woman” for his final one? WTF?

   It’s the 21st Century. Ideas such as women only having sex due to “pressure” and men getting experienced at sex, while “virtuous” women wait in the wings until the men are done playing and fucking around to choose them for their virginal brides went out with whale bone corsets and button shoes. Those days are long gone, and best forgotten.

   No, a good man won’t “pressure” a woman to “do what she doesn’t want to do.” Most good, mature GROWN women already WANT to do it….no pressure needed. Come join the present, OK?

6. Scanning these comments, I find regret among the honest ones who have given in to pressure and given up their virginity. It is a good and honorable thing to reserve the final surrender of your body to the man you marry, or at least the one who wants commitment and respects your body. I hope you find a guy who has waited, or at least one who has gotten past his adolescent fling and now waits for a virtuous woman. I hope you can hold onto what you have that so many others lack. Beware of ‘experienced’ women telling you it is no big deal – it is a big deal. If a guy really loves you, he will not pressure you to do that which you don’t want to do.

7. I am an 20 y/o virgin male, I have strong Christian values, and I am also waiting for marriage. My last gf was not a virgin, which really hurt me, My ideal relationship is when both of us are virgins, and are married. It’s very hard to find women with the same ideals of marriage as me.

8. ^^ Bridget, there are plenty of healthy emotional and rational reasons to reserve one’s first sexual experience for a “special” partner. I don’t think Mml. L would suggest that all virgins are just plain wrong.

   Unfortunately, the “wait for sex” attitude IS powerfully correlated with:

   1. misinformation
   2. negative view of sex
   3. madonna/whore complex
   4. delusion/Disney fantasy
   5. misogyny/misandrony
   6. body image issues

   Maybe none of those things apply to you personally. Plenty of virgins simply want to share their first time with a caring parnter.

   But the problems I listed ARE pervasive and damaging (not just to those virgins themselves) and I can’t blame Mml. L for feeling strongly about it.

9. Madmoiselle L,

   I must respond to your post as I completely disagree. You are equating everyone with a give or take stance. However, I think you will find that most virgins (including myself) want more of the sharing aspect of it. It is not me giving to him and him taking but rather we are enjoying each other’s bodies/hearts and minds. The fact is that you are sharing something special with someone when you give away yourself to them, regardless if it is the first time or the 500th time. Each time you are sharing yourself with another human being. Personally, for myself, I want someone to enjoy it with me and respect what we are doing and not just be another one night stand. I don’t know what world you are coming from but most men (slippery slope, I know), will just want to sample the the milk and leave the cow out in the middle of the field the next day if you catch my drift. This is fine if you want something like that but for those of us who have waited, we have waited for a reason. I want my sex to be sharing of just more than a body. And let’s face the reality, male or female, most of the time people just want to be fucked. End of story. It is obvious that the virgins that are posting here have waited for something more than that.

   You cannot disagree that there is a difference between a one night stand fuck and making love in a committed relationship (though it doesn’t have to be making love all the time). In fact, your idea of ‘casual sex’ is just as antiquated as what you call the ‘victorian’ ideas that Marcus said. Just look back at the ancient Romans (predating the Victorians, obviously) who had orgies in bath houses. So please don’t label one’s ideas as being ‘old-fashioned’ as yours are as well. What you have to admit is we live in a culture and society that is about instant gratification and moving on from person to person. We can have that more abundantly than ever before due to our media and technological advances. Obviously there are some of us who prefer to have something more than just a casual fuck and there is NOTHING wrong with waiting. And yes, a guy can wait just as a girl can wait. If you want to not play on the sexual bias, then we can say that it is just as easy for men to wait as women and therefore each can wait if they so choose.

   And yes sex is a BIG part of it but to say that it is the MAIN component is throughly asinine. Sorry, but true. Once you are in your 60’s the sex isn’t like what it was in your 20’s and if a relationship is built on sex, then you have two old strangers who are no too afraid to fuck because they might break a hip. I have seen so many marriages (just as you claim to have seen only on the opposite spectrum) fail because they were based on sex. Guess what? Sex fades after some years and if that is what your relationship is built on then your relationship is going to fade as well and he or she will move on to the next person who tickles their fancy. It’s nice that you have your own opinions but saying “THIS IS THE 21ST CENTURY BLAH BLAH BLAH AND YOUR IDEAS ARE DUMB AND ANTIQUATED” are ridiculous because your idea of casual sex are JUST as archaic. It is that thought of “Oh, let me have x amount of partners and test drive the car” that has gotten the world into such an STD filled dilemma that it is.

   You also said “Of course, sexual partners often learn from each other, but it is difficult to change your basic drive, or engave in activities you do not enjoy just because you feel like you SHOULD.” I know what I like and you said basically the same thing. People know what their basic drive is. I know I could not live without oral sex, and so that is my priority. I can talk to my guy and tell him about it and he can tell me his fantasies and fetishes and what makes him hard. It’s about SHARING as you said and you can share ideas in more than just acting on it. Also, you lump all virgins together saying we all want to wait for marriage. Yes, that would be ideal but I want to be IN LOVE with the person and have a committed relationship with them and they with me. That is what I ask and I am 23 years old.

   Who says we have to have sex out of obligation? As far as I read, NO ONE said anything about that. I will have sex because I want it, not out of obligation for anyone. And what if you just fuck someone to fuck them? What have you gained? An orgasm, maybe? Being with someone for that period or duration? The experience? Please, that’s such bullshit. You can experience it with someone you’ve waited for and be with them in a more meaningful way and you’ll have more of a connection than just a one night stand. You’ll have more opportunity to come than just a one night stand or a fuck buddy, etc.

   So, just as my thoughts don’t work with you…your thoughts do not work with me or these people who have waited. WHO are you to say that we will not have fulfilling, honest, mature relationships. You don’t know us at all nor what could happen. That would be like me saying you’ll never have anything meaningful or deep at all because you believe in casual sex and fucking whomever. Awfully presumptuous of you and it’s not so nice when turned the other way, now is it?

   And let’s face it, most of the time if you jump in the sack with the guy (or girl) in the first 45 minutes, it will not be meaningful and he won’t care. You were nothing but a fuck to him and he won’t remember your name in the morning. You’re giving yourself away to someone who you wouldn’t even let use your toothbrush, more than likely. That is not respect, either. So, I fail to see how anyone gains anything out of that except for an STD.

   To answer the person’s original question, there is nothing wrong with waiting for the right guy. I have had offer after offer but I just can’t fuck someone who I don’t have some meaningful and long lasting connection with. I just can’t. I want to wait for the right guy (not PERFECT, mind you, just someone who I love deeply and they me). It is not something you should be ashamed of and good on you for waiting it out. It shows that you care about your emotional health and well-being and have more on your mind than just your body or think that the main component of a relationship is sex. Ask any married couple or serious couple and they will tell you this isn’t true. You’ll find someone to appreciate you just how you are and will wait for you. Just keep being who you are.

10. After reading everyone’s opinions, i have realized that they have truly helped me. I have just turned 20 and have come upon the decision of wanting to wait or just to take a chance. I believe that To build a strong realtionship, it must be based on love, trust, and honesty. I believe that sexual plesure should be formed from the love of the two people. Although, hormones cause us to think and act like this, oh and of course sin. I believe that it is nice to wait until marriage for two reasons.

    1St reason: God said in his Word to wait until mariage because sex is only fit for that time in two people’s lives. If we as His chosen people would like to build a strong realtionship with the Lord Jesus Christ, we must follow his commandmets first.

    2nd reason: To me, by waiting top have sex until marriage, gives you enough time to build that loving realationship. It helps you to choose what is the right time and the right person. Not all relationships or marriages will work out perfectly or how you planned, bu

11. I lost my virginity at age 14.I was so horny and excited.But penetration was too brusque for her and I ejaculated in two minutes. It was dissapointing, and not at all satisfying, specially for her. I was too young. After learning more about sex, I had sex time afterwrds with much better results:lovingly, previously exciting my gf and learning to think how I should make her have pleasure in the act, and not thinking only about me, or about her as a sex object, and then sex became extremely exciting and pleasurable, because she felt a lot of pleasure which heightened my own . Now it is wonderful; always with condoms and certainly no promiscuity.

12. From my experience, I would come to the conclusion that all sex serves as is to complicate relationships. At 21, I have had three relationships and we thought we were deeply in love the whole time, but after we had sex, things started to change. The first one wanted it all the time, the second one was not ready at all, and the third one was the most normal but we started to fight much more and within a few months, all the relationships failed.

    As of now, I have decided to wait to get to know the person on the most personal levels before I have sex with them. To answer the poster’s question, yes, there are guys out there who will wait for you. Most of them have probably learned from experience, sadly. If a man really loves you for who you are, they will wait for you and respect you and not cheat on you, etc. I just hope you find that person some day.

    Good luck, 🙂

13. I saw someone everyday for four wonderful months. I loved him and thought I was special to him, so I wanted him to be my first. Immediately after, he tells me he is so dissapointed with me and all but treats me like nothing and eventually discards me. Later I heard about him being with a prostitute during those four months. I thought I was sure then, but I know now that before I invest the most intimate part of me, heart and body, with someone I will be committed and wearing a ring. just my experience.

14. Marcus, as I have said countless times before, Victorian ideas like the ones YOU have expressed are not common the majority of men.

    MANY men, GOOD men have SHARED sex with women and everyone is respected. Why would a man “lose respect” for a woman with whom he has had sex with?

    WHO thinks like this?

    Again, it’s the “sex as a commodity” bullshit, antiquated, clueless idea of men “taking” and women “giving” and THAT, my friend will make any relationship, marriage or not, be unbalanced, unfair, prejudiced, chauvinistic, and ridiculous.

    Why would a man “disrespect” a women who has sex with him more than she would “disrespect” a man who “gave” her sex? Neither is true, in healthy people.

    It’s sharing. Not something one person “GIVES” to an other. When one sees sex as a “gift” or see the first sex act ever as “losing something” (when it is really GAINING something) people who use sex as a way to get other things (“I’ll keep my little Princess legs crossed, make this jack ass wait until I get that ring, or that coat, or a new car. I’ll make that sucker PAY for what he wants to ‘do to me.'”) and see sex as something only ONE person in the dyad enjoys, then sex will NEVER bee healthy or mature for these people, and they will never find a mature, healthy, and workable relationship.

    DO YOU WANT a woman who only has sex out of a sense of obligation to you? HOW could that be enjoyable? You think it’s “attractive” for you to be duped and to be kept in sexual limbo?

    Sheesh. I really thought by the 21st Century this outdated shit would have been resolved and understood. WTF was done to some of you people to cause you to accept this way of thinking?

    Do any of you, of the “cow-milk-farmer-free” group think that you will ever have an enjoyable, truthful, honest, healthy sexual relationship?

    I’m exhausted talking to y’all.

15. The answer to your first question is yes, there are guys out there that can and will respect you and wait for you until you’re ready. See, what people don’t realize is that men are not all the same. There are your good one’s that treat a woman with respect and dignity and then there’s the bad one’s that believe women are along the line of servants and should obey on command. The only tough thing is the good one’s are usually hidden well at the bottom of the ocean. In an age where the media dominates, most men are out-casted for being good guys. Its considered a social suicide.

    As to your second question about how long is too long for him to wait…there is no such thing. He is waiting on you. He has agreed, at some point to not pressure you and if he’s a good guy, he won’t cheat on you. He won’t be one of those guys that makes the bs excuse of ‘you didn’t give me what I wanted’ because it’s not just about him; it’s about you both. It’s understandable for you to be a little worried about making him wait too long, but don’t fret. You are entitled to ensure that you are not going to just give it to someone that only wants you for sex. You are a human being.

    As a guy, I think it’s insanely attractive when a person makes me wait to have sex. I love it. It shows that they aren’t another statistic; another media target. It shows the true depth of the human heart and human mind and how some people just want to do things when they are ready, rather than follow the crowd. Call me crazy but shit, we weren’t born to follow the rest of the world you know.

    So, what you’re doing is perfectly fine. Don’t stress out about it. The guy that you are talking about is closer than you think.

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