Your Call: Is No Oral a Relationship Dealbreaker?

vintage_oral_sexVintage illustration via Foxtongue

Dear Em & Lo,

My new boyfriend doesn’t like either giving or receiving head. I really enjoy giving head and so it’s a disappointment to me that he doesn’t like it, though not the end of the world. What might be the end of the world is that he doesn’t want to go down on me. It is something that I enjoy a lot and I have a hard time coming or even getting wet without oral stimulation. What do you guys think, would you consider this a dealbreaker? Is it unfair of me to want to ask him for it?

— Losing My Head

Can’t see the poll? Click here to take it.


  1. sex is only the tip of a giant iceburg
    it’s down to compatability
    enjoy what you can
    but the relationship is new
    the 3 things a bride sees in church on
    her wedding day and say this is it
    ailse~alter~you yeah funny
    but we only change if we care enough

  2. Weee! Thanks Em&Lo for featuring (an edited version of) my question. The responses have definitely helped and if anyone wants to know, the relationship is definitely doomed for this and other reasons

  3. I don’t think it’s cool for someone to question their partners’ sexual acts after being with them in a relationship. That’s what “gettin to know someone entitles: 1st dates, ackward dinners etc.

    THAT is the time to get into someone’s head and see if they have similiar interest as urself; not be in a relationship and months later be displeased by the fact that your not getting any “head”, or he’s not allowing you to give it to him.

    In any event, it sounds to me as if your partner may be less experienced in that are, and may need some guidance in that area. Be gentle with him, and work it out with the fellatio, make him comfortable with you in that compromisable position ๐Ÿ˜‰ and he’ll appreciate the fact that it pleases you to perform that act, and that SHOULD please him knowing that he’s giving you pleasure.

    P.S. And if If he can’t get with that program, get yourself a man that will! They’re plenty of them out there willing to accomadate you with NO problem… ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. I like the second option EXCEPT for the counselor part – no new relationship needs counseling, you are in or out. However. talking about the hang up might be good, there are aids like dental dams.

  5. I had a girlfriend who didn’t like receiving oral, and that was a major bummer for me. If that had been one of only a few issues in our relationship, I don’t know if it would’ve been a dealbreaker – maybe so.

  6. I wouldn’t say it’s a dealbreaker – but then again, I have never had to choose between a guy I cared for and a sex act I love, so I can’t say for sure. And, unlike the poster, I have no trouble finding other ways to get off.

    I still think, whatever she does regarding the guy, she should try to find a way to get of other than that way. I mean, maybe she really CANNOT, but I think it’s worth a try. Just because it’s always good to have other moves! ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. See a COUNSELLOR together? Someone actually chose that option? Jeez. The things people will go through to avoid having to find another partner.

    No oral = will never become GF. Simple as that for me.

  8. I didn’t write in, but this ihas been my question since July 3rd. The same thing is going on with me and my guy. I tried to talk to him about out from what I got from him is ” I never have and I never will.” Furthermore, he gave me the ultimatum of take it or leave it. I thought I liked him enough to take it but turns out I don’t. I’m not interested in intercourse with him bc all prior activities have been sub par on his side…I don’t know what I was thinking. But I think my instinct to kick him out of my place that night due to his unwillingness was exactly the right move. Between my friends and this poll, I couldn’t be happier with my choice to drop him. xoxo

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