Your Call: Should He Return the Favor?

no_oral_sex_signphoto by rick

We feel just awful that we can’t answer every single advice question we get, but we figure that any answer is better than no answer at all. Which is why, every now and then, we’ll let you guys decide how to advise a reader. Make your call by filling out the poll after the jump:

Dear Em & Lo

My guy loves it when I go down on him but he rarely goes down on me he says that he isn’t into it. Is it normal for a guy to be like that and be straight? I mean I will continue to go down on him but I think he should return the favor. Am I wrong for wanting that?

— Stuck on a One-Way Street

Can’t see the poll? Click here to take it.


  1. While I generally share the outlook that “What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander” and appreciate a spirit of reciprocity, I don’t know that the ‘nuclear option’ is the best first choice here. Allowing that the relationship is otherwise pretty seaworthy, I’d be interested in knowing *why* the fella objects. Are there specific aesthetic issues or does the very idea inspire a convulsive, involuntary “Ewwwww”? In the former case, there could be approaches that would deal with his concerns, solve the immediate problem and leave him a better person. If it’s just a flat-out refusal, well, that probably mandates a different response and might be a deal-breaker. I think it’s kind of funny that not too long ago oral sex was grounds for divorce in some jurisdictions as a ‘perversion.’ Now, we see a growing sentiment that a *refusal* to provide oral sex should be grounds for divorce. Truly, there is no stopping the March of Progress.

  2. i couldn’t handle that, total dealbreaker for me. the way it see it… you guys obviously are not sexually compatible. i think if you’re someone that really enjoys getting head, and he’s not giving it, eventually you will resent him for it or cheat on him..

  3. I had a smilar situation, my advice to you is that if he’s not that into it…get him into it. Try ways to “spice it up”. Be adventurous and it will pay off. My husband and I may frequent strip clubs, go and buy sex toys together, watch some X rated movies. What happened for me was that my husband was more into it, was excited. It wasnt so much a “chore” or “returning the favor”. I Love going down on him, so a strike would be as much a sacrifice for me as him (almost as much 🙂 .. Try something new, …spice it up, that is my advice. You gotta try something, I cannot fathom a relationship where you dont get it now and again, if you dont… you very well may end up resenting him, dont let it get that far. If you love him, seems you do, take action before then. Good Luck!

  4. my guy had this problem for a while and after talking about it over and over and how important it was to me and how it’s a deal breaker if he doesn’t do it, after a blowjob strike he’s been doing it. it’s like him living without oral is what he needed to realize what it was like for me.

  5. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to give head, but if that’s the case, you certainly can’t expect your partner to give you any. Regardless of gender.

  6. I don’t think that Stuck gives enough details for us to really give good advice. Have they talked about the issue? Does he refuse to go down on her completely or does he only do it “rarely?” (which it seems does not satisfy Stuck’s needs) Her final question is easy to answer (no! you are not wrong for wanting head) but since we don’t know much else about their relationship, it’s hard to choose an answer from the poll.

    And for the record, if the situation were reversed according to gender, I would have the same opinion.

  7. See, I’m in a situation where it’s easier for me to go down on him than it is for him to go down on me. Only because we have some horribly religious parents.
    So, it’s easier for him to just whip it out, than to have me remove articles of clothing. :/ If we were ever caught, we wouldn’t be together.

    I actually… Don’t mind it at all. I would love it if he could do it for me, and he does when we feel safe with it, but I’ve begun to enjoy it for other reasons. It’s funny to… hear his reactions sometimes. And it always feels good to make him feel good.

    I do it because I enjoy doing things for HIM, not because I expect things for myself.

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