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| UK version of The Big Bang |
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*OUR WEEKLY ADVICE IS NOW AT DAILYBEDPOST.COM!*
We've got a new home for our sex and relationship advice! This site isn't going away, but it'll be a little sparse, as we'll be posting over on DailyBedpost.com three times a day: horoscopes, weekly sex and dating advice, bedside accessory reviews, celebrity dirt, pop culture tidbits, "Impertinent Question" videos, and our weekly "Who Would You Do" game. Click here to read the latest installment of our advice column over on the new blog.  The Case of the Mysterious Sex Abbreviation A gang of sneaky Catholic school girls. A stolen list of sexual exploits. An obscure abbreviation. What could it all mean? |
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Dear Em & Lo, I've got a good, albeit convoluted, question for you: Years ago, when my friend "X" was a 17-year-old Catholic school girl in the U.K., she and her friends had heard that a fellow female classmate, "Y", kept a list of her own sexual exploits (which were rumored to be quite high in number) in her locker. So X and her friends organized a stealth break in: They retrieved the list, copied it, and returned the original to Y's locker. On the facsimile, they found 40+ names of boys (including, to X's surprise, her brother's name), each with an abbreviation after it, such as: H.I.O. (had it off) L.O. (licked out) H.J. (hand job) S.C. (sucked cock) ... You get the idea. Anyhow, my friend was able to decipher every last one of the blighters except one, which to this day, more than ten years later, eludes her. So my question to you is: On a list of abbreviations for sexual acts, what would S.E. stand for? — Out of Dirty Ideas |
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Dear OoDI, First, we'd like to make clear that by answering this question we are in no way condoning the illegal theft of anyone's personal sexual diary. We hope karma has taught X and her friends a lesson in the ten years since, either by having a parent walk in on them when they were shagging a boyfriend, a bitter ex post to the Internet compromising pictures of them taken in the throes of drunken passion, or a sibling steal some of their terrible poetry and read it before an audience of urban hipsters as ironic comedy. Now, as convincing as some of the above decodings may be (especially if Y was indeed as experienced as was rumored), we're not ruling out the possibility that this could simply have been a list of wishes, of boys she either liked or just had an opinion on. The abbreviations could have stood for things she might have been willing to do with them if she ever had the chance, things she just fantasized about doing with them, or things she thought they'd be good at. Maybe the abbreviations stood for other girls' initials whom she thought the boys had been with, or for labels she gave each of of the boys based on their personality and sex appeal ("loveable oaf," "hateful jock," "school clown"). But if we follow Occam's Razor, and assume that the simplest solution tends to be the best, then we'll take the bait and also assume that, at 17, Y was well on her way to breaking Annabell Chong's record. So if S.E. was in fact something sex-related, maybe it stood for one of the following: Sticky Elbows Seriously Exhausting Sack Empty Shagging Eunuch Sexual Embarrassment Sexual Ennui Soft Erection Sexual Ecstasy Sloppy Exit Slurped Earlobes Shagged Externally Spit Ejaculate Swallowed Ejaculate Soulmate Embrace Servant's Entrance Admittedly, none of these ring true. Our favorite option above is Servant's Entrance, though judging by the examples you've provided, we fear this euphemism may be a little too, well, euphemistic for Y's vocabulary. We're guessing she'd have been more likely to abbreviate this particular act to "A.F." Also, Y appears to have been going for speed and brevity (40+!) rather than secrecy, so it's odd that in this sexual lexicon, only one act would be so indecipherable. All we can think is that this poor, locker-privacy-violated, high school lass tried out something very special during one of her adolescent hookups. And she liked it enough to create an abbreviation for it, just in case the act popped up again! It must be something special, because despite having spent the past eight years researching everything from anal beads to vibrating cock rings, from fisting to adult baby play, we cannot say with any certainty what a session of S.E. might involve. Anyone out there got more of a clue than we do? Then again, maybe S.E. doesn't stand for anything at all — maybe she just put it on the list to fuck with any potential loser snoopers with way too much time on their hands, like your friend, your friend's friends, you, and us. FDTAWCFOTA, Em & Lo |
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©2007 Emma Taylor & Lorelei Sharkey