photo via Flickr

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it) This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I just got married for the second time on Dec 4th. Last night I had a dream that my husband and I got separated after the wedding. He and some of the guests ended up at the reception, while I and some of the guests ended up at home. With me was my best friend Scott, and his mother and sister. Scott is a guy I met through my other best friend (who is also a guy) in high school. I fell for Scott instantly, but he didn’t see it that way. For most of high school I was in love with him. Nothing ever happened between us, but we did get really close as friends. He’s now like a brother to me, in fact I call him and my other best friend my brothers and they call me their sister. In the dream, we all got snowed in. We could get out of the house, but the roads and airports were closed down for the night. After finding everyone a place to sleep, I trudged to my room, exhausted and crying due to having to spend my wedding night alone. In my room I found Scott laying in my bed, fully clothed. “Crap. I gotta find a place for you to sleep,” I told him through my tears. He shook his head and beckoned me over to him. Not wanting to fight with him, I crawled in bed and lay in his arms, my head on his chest. My crying subsided after a while and I’d almost fallen asleep when Scott lifted my head. He looked at me and said “You should have married me,” and kissed me. The next thing I know, we’re making love.

Lauri: The separation you experience in the beginning of the dream is very likely connected to some sort of separation between you and hubby in waking life. It could be anything from a separation of ideas like a disagreement, to a separation in the time you two spend together. You wind up stuck at home in the dream which makes me wonder if you find yourself at home all too often while he is at work or traveling, hanging with friends, etc. You also wind up getting snowed in which just may be an indication a cold front has moved into your life to some degree. At the time of this dream, had you or your husband been giving the other the cold shoulder? Is there some situation or idea that you or he has not quite warmed up to?

In the dream you are finding rooms for everyone so they can sleep. I believe this is the way your dreaming mind is telling you that whatever is causing this cold front in your marriage, whatever is causing you to have a separation of ideas or is causing you to be apart as far as time with each other… you need to “put it to rest.”

And I believe this is where your friend comes in to play. It is likely that he represents the friendship within your marriage… that is, unless you REALLY DO – deep down – wish you had married him. Otherwise, the ensuing love-making is more about bringing the friendship into your marriage. Remember, sex in dreams is most often about bringing into your life or into your personality what you lack. In your case, this dream is a reminder that as husband and wife you must be friends first. It’s far easier to put issues to rest when you view each other as equals and as friends rather than opponents.

Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. Anonymity guaranteed! Don’t forget: you can get access to Lauri’s Instant Dream Decoding Dictionary on her site. And check out Lauri’s new book Dream On It, available everywhere!

Scorpions album cover via Flickr

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it) This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I am asleep in my dream, on my left side. This dream is a recurring one; there is always a stimuli of some sort that awakens me. The most recent I had it was the ringing of my cell. In my dream I understood that the particular ringtone that played as I was receiving a call was not the same I have in reality. This thought processed in my mind and I awaken to a figure of a man, he is almost like a shadow, completely black. He always caresses me… from my neck, down to my shoulder blades… to the small of my back… in each dream he is always touching me, running his hands on my body and he speaks but I am always too frantic to actually hear what he is saying to me. When I wake in actuality, I have chills that surge through me or goosebumps on my skin.

Lauri: It sounds like you are experiencing a parasomnia called Sleep Paralysis or The Old Hag Syndrome! And there is not a thing one should worry about when it happens. Here’s the deal: When we sleep and enter the REM state, which is when dreaming takes place, our brain releases a chemical that literally paralyzes our skeletal muscles so that we don’t act out our dreams. When we’ve had a fitful night of sleep or haven’t slept long enough, we will start to wake up before our brain can re-activate our muscle control, which causes us to get “stuck” in that in-between state of sleep and wakefulness. This is called Hypnogogia. Cool name, huh? In this state you are asleep and awake at the same time, which is why you are aware that you are in your room and in your bed. You may also find that you can’t move, speak or scream… because you are still paralyzed!

Another very common symptom of Sleep Paralysis is the dark figure in the room. Usually it is a sinister presence, which evokes a tremendous amount of fear in the dreamer. Often the figure will seem to sit on the bed or even get on top of you and try to suffocate you… or so it seems. It is such a frightening experience because the fear centers in the brain are very highly active during this state. Luckily for you, your dark figure seems to be more romantic than menacing!

There’s not a thing in the world to worry about when this happens. If you just relax, within a moment you’ll be fully awake and all will be well. But, what I suggest, the next time this happens, is to take advantage of it. Remember, it’s a way cool state of mind to be in: asleep and awake. It’s like having a foot in both worlds! When that dark figure enters the scene and begins to caress you, you can have fun with it and will him to turn into… I dunno… Brad Pitt… or your hottie of choice! At this point, you have become lucid and can take control and whatever you would like to happen at that point on is completely up to you! I also tell people to ask the figure a question like, “Who are you?” or “What’s the meaning of life?” and see what kind of answer you get!

Oh, and one last thing, these episodes often begin with a strange sound in our ear like a buzzing, a ringing, a whisper or even a ring tone! Researchers believe that is caused by the three tiny little bones in the inner called the hammer, anvil and stirrup. These bones tend to vibrate while we are in REM and can sometimes continue to vibrate when we experience Sleep Paralysis. Remember, this is a hallucinatory state so our minds will interpret the vibration into something else. So again, this is not anything to worry about. It typically means you aren’t getting enough good, solid sleep, and when it happens again, you can turn it into an amazing experience! Let us know what happens next time. I think we’d all love to know what you come up with!

Dreamer’s response: The science behind it all is definitely reassuring, seeing as any amount of information I tried researching on my own was futile. When I was younger, I actually had these occurences with a ghostly figure that had very unique distinctions about him. The only difference was he’d enjoy attempting things, as you mentioned, suffocating or holding me down. Always seemed to be the reason for my paralysis. I have heard of lucid dreaming and I think your idea of control is one I would have never thought possible but now am eager to try! I am psyched and plan to keep you posted with my next dream. Thank you so much for your quick and extremely insightful response!

Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. Anonymity guaranteed! Don’t forget: you can get access to Lauri’s Instant Dream Decoding Dictionary on her site. And check out Lauri’s new book Dream On It, available everywhere!

photo via Flickr

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it) This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I had this dream that I was sitting in a room on a bed watching movies and my friend walks in. Pretty soon he starts kissing me but he kisses me just like my boyfriend does in reality. I told my boyfriend about it and he thinks the dream means that I want my friend; I don’t think that’s the case. I had a very similar dream last year but instead a girl was kissing me. Please interpret dream!

Lauri: It is only natural that your boyfriend would think your dream means that you want this friend you dreamed about. That’s because he (like most of us) is looking at your dream literally rather than symbolically. Dreams speak in symbols so looking at them literally often causes unnecessary fear, angst or even anger. So please tell your boyfriend I said, Fear not! Kissing in a dream is really about communication and conversation more than anything else because kissing, like a conversation, requires two mouths.

Let me give you a personal example. Just two nights ago I dreamed this really good male friend of mine kissed me. It is not because I desire this but because the day before we had a very lengthy conversation about a project we are working on together. He initiated the kiss because he not only initiated the conversation but is also, somewhat, taking control of the project. So your dream is probably connected to a similar situation in your waking life. The day before the dream, do you recall having a significant conversation with your friend? And was he the one that initiated the conversation just as he initiated the kiss?

It is also not random that you were on a bed. That may mean that the conversation may have been about the need to put some issue to rest. If the kiss was good in the dream, and I suspect it was since it felt like your boyfriend, that’s a good indication the conversation was good as well.

Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. Anonymity guaranteed! Don’t forget: you can get access to Lauri’s Instant Dream Decoding Dictionary on her site. And check out Lauri’s new book Dream On It, available everywhere!

photo via flickr

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it) This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I’m currently a college student and going steady with my boyfriend of almost a year. We’re currently in a long-distance relationship, but both very devoted to each other. I give him more than enough of my time and he does likewise. I keep having dreams that I cheat on him with either ex-boyfriends, random guys, friends, anyone! It’s really disturbing, because in real life I would never cheat on him and have no desire to do so. What does this mean?! Thanks!

Lauri: Long-distance relationships, no matter how devoted you are to each other, wreak havoc on the inner mind, as attested by your dreams. There could be two layers to these dreams. On the outer physiological layer, these dreams could be compensation for what your body is not getting in waking life. When we go through a dry spell, we’ll find ourselves having a series of naughty dreams because our body has to make up for what it isn’t getting otherwise.

But on a deeper psychological layer, these dreams may be connected to a certain level of guilt you are having about the relationship being long distance. When you are hundreds of miles away from each other, a part of you feels that you are “cheating” yourself and each other out of a relationship where you can actually be together, touch each other, hold each other, smell each other, etc. You may find you get these dreams on nights where you hung out with other couples who were hugging and cuddling in front of you, forcing you to face what you are missing out on — causing the inner mind to feel cheated.

While your outer self is content with the long-distance relationship, your inner self is struggling. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be in this relationship, of course. It just means you’ve got a tougher row to hoe… by not being a ho… and staying true!

Response from dreamer:  Thank you for your quick and funny response! I won’t be a ho, promise! This long-distance thing is ending soon and hopefully so will these dreams! About feeling a little “guilty,” I can see why that is. Sometimes I did feel bad, because I left him THOUSANDS of miles away. Thank you again, very helpful!

Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. Anonymity guaranteed! Don’t forget: you can get access to Lauri’s Instant Dream Decoding Dictionary on her site. And check out Lauri’s new book Dream On It, available everywhere!

photo by karindaiziel

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it) This week, a reader asks Lauri:

Some nights ago I had a really strange dream: I gave birth to a child (I do not know if it was a girl or a boy). It was a natural and uncomplicated birth, assisted by a midwife, it did not take place in a hospital, and no doctor was involved. All in all, in my dream it was a really positive experience and I woke up quite happy. It was not clear from my dream whether I was married or not, there was definitely no boyfriend /spouse or any other man in the dream.

Background information: I am in my early thirties, have been single for some time now and am not dating at all. The likelihood of me having a baby in the near future is close to zero. I dislike hospitals and doctors in general. Also, my own birth was full of complications that could have cost my mother her life, if it hadn’t been for the really competent doctors involved.

Lauri: Dreams of giving birth are almost always connected to something positive in the dreamer’s waking life but are rarely connected to an actual pregnancy or birth. A baby is a brand new life, so in your dreams it will represent a new life for you. You described the birth as natural and uncomplicated. What have you accomplished recently without effort and with ease? There was no “father” in the dream so that means this is something purely of your own doing. This could be a project you have finished, a new friendship you have made, a goal you have finally reached or perhaps even a new attitude or mindset you have taken on. You also described the birth as really positive experience. Recapture the feeling of that experience and ask yourself what in your life feels the same way? What in your waking life would you describe as a really positive experience? Whatever it is, your dreaming mind wants you to look at it as though it were your baby so you will be sure to continue to nurture and focus on it so that it can reach its full potential.

Response from dreamer:  Actually, I have just enrolled in part-time studies (in addition to my job), and the language of the courses is a foreign language I did not feel so confident in. Maybe a week or so before this dream, we had the results of our first test back, and I had a really good mark. Also, I really enjoy the courses and the atmosphere at the university, and I am really motivated. Friends tell me that I have “blossomed”. So probably the dream reflects this. Thank you for this insightful analysis and for taking the time to decipher my dream!

Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. Anonymity guaranteed! Don’t forget: you can get access to Lauri’s Instant Dream Decoding Dictionary on her site. And check out Lauri’s new book Dream On It, available everywhere!

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it) This week, a reader asks Lauri:

There’s this one aspect of a dream I had that really doesn’t make sense. I was at a college and for some reason the rooms had one bed, meaning I had to share. My friend was on one side of me and she woke me up and told me to get ready for school. I turn over and there’s her sleeping ex-boyfriend who I know she still has feelings for. This is probably something that just won’t ever make sense, but I’m completely stumped.

Lauri: Well, let’s see if I can make sense out of it for you. The college setting suggests this dream is about some sort of lesson you are learning right now in your life, and the bed may mean there is an issue that needs to be put to rest. However, you are sharing the bed. This tells me this issue is not yours alone; others are involved. Your friend waking you up indicates you have “woken up” to a certain reality. Can you think of a recent revelation you have had? This new awareness could certainly be connected to what you have learned recently. Your friend woke you so it is very likely that she made you aware of it, whatever it is. It may have to do with her ex. He’s asleep in the dream and when someone is sleeping in a dream it almost always represents their unawareness in waking life. Perhaps the “it” that this dream is about is that he doesn’t know that she still has these feelings. Does she still pine for him and drive you crazy? This may very well be what you feel needs to be put to rest… and helping her do that may very well be what you need to learn how to do.

Response from dreamer: Thank you for this interpretation! I think you’re right and I think I know what I’ve figured out. I’m the reason some of her favorite relationships sucked (she told me this today) and I really don’t know what to do now. But thank you for helping me figure this out.

Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. Anonymity guaranteed! Don’t forget: you can get access to Lauri’s Instant Dream Decoding Dictionary on her site. And check out Lauri’s new book Dream On It, available everywhere!

photo via Flickr

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it) This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I keep having a dream where I meet up with my childhood ex-boyfriend at the beach. We greet and hug each other hello and spend the day together. Later that evening we go out to dinner and take a stroll along the beach laughing and enjoying each other’s company. We retire for the night in separate rooms where neither of us can sleep or stop thinking about the other. He calls me on my cell and we arrange for him to come up to my room where we sip some wine and enjoy the view of the ocean from the balcony and continue to talk and eventually share the most passionate kiss I’ve ever had. Then the dream ends. I have had this dream several nights in a row for the past three months. What does this mean?

Lauri: Since your dream has been happening for about 3 months now it is connected to something in your life that has been going on for about 3 months. Let’s look at the different elements of the dream and see if we can figure it out for you. Your childhood boyfriend is not necessarily playing himself but rather is standing in for either A) excitement and passion because he is the first person you probably ever felt excitement and passion for, even as a child or B) your childlike, carefree, fun-loving self.

In the dream you can’t stop thinking about each other. What in real life have you not been able to stop thinking about? Has something been going on for about three months now that has been exciting and made you feel like that young fun-loving girl from your childhood? Is something going on that you’re really passionate about? Or is this something you need to bring into your life? Are you in a relationship that needs to be rejuvenated? That may be why your dream is using your childhood boyfriend as he could represent a fun, youthful relationship where everything feels new and exciting again.

Your dream always seems to end with a kiss. The point at which a dream ends (naturally rather than by an alarm) is the main message of the dream. Kisses in dreams are really about communication in real life because – like kissing – it requires two mouths to communicate. Your cell phone in your dream also represents communication so it seems that you’ve either been communicating very well with someone lately or you need to communicate what you need in order to bring this fun and excitement back into your life.

Response from dreamer: Thank you so much for the interpretation of my dream. First, I must start off by saying, I used to be extremely happy, adventurous, and enjoyed simple outdoors trips and getaways. I have been married for five years, but we’ve been together for eleven and one-half years. For the last three years I have been unhappy and for the last three months, I have been struggling with something. My husband and I have not been getting along very well (there are other issues also), and I have been trying to find a way to tell him that I want a divorce. I have been longing for the old “me” when I was fun-loving, full of excitement, and truly happy. In the last three months, I have been coping with my own feelings and emotions trying to make sure that I was making the right decision and that this was something that I really wanted. This time period has been very stressful and emotional. I have since had a discussion with my husband, and although he is not very happy, I feel so relieved and I have not had the dream reoccur to date. I am confident that my life will be better. Thank you again.

Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. Anonymity guaranteed! Don’t forget: you can get access to Lauri’s Instant Dream Decoding Dictionary on her site. And check out Lauri’s new book Dream On It, available everywhere!

photo via flickr

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it) This week, a reader asks Lauri:

Last night I had a dream about a threesome. In the dream was myself (a man), my fiancée, and a girl I know. The other girl is one that I met through an online video game last year and have since become good friends with. She is even coming to our wedding. I have yet to meet her in person but have seen pictures of her and spoken to her on the phone and through the Internet. Also, she is married. And while she is cute, I have never had thoughts of her like this before. However, that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t be open to it.

My fiancée is open to the idea of a threesome and admits to being bi-curious and is turned on by certain women. She isn’t particularly friends with the other girl, as she isn’t a gamer, but they have spoken on occasion. My fiancée is excited to meet her at our wedding.

My fiancée and I have a great sex life and often talk dirty while in the process. We have been three states apart for three days now. In the dream, we were all getting equal attention and pleasure from each other. What exactly does this dream mean?

Lauri: I’d love to tell you that it means it’s about time for a wild and naughty threesome so have at it… but I can’t. A threesome is not the best way to start a marriage and, in addition, the proposal of it might completely freak this married friend of yours out. Keep in mind, dreams are symbolic and should not be taken literally.

You mentioned that you had this dream after being three states apart from your fiancée for three days. The amount of three was clearly on your mind so that is what probably triggered the threesome dream. Sex in a dream is usually about what you need or desire to incorporate into your life or into your self. Therefore your friend represents that which you need or desire. She’s a gamer whereas your fiancée is not. If she were, do you feel your relationship would be perfectly balanced, just as everyone was getting equal attention in the dream? Or it could be your hope that your friend and your fiancée really hit it off.

You may also want to look at what game it is you play with this friend. The message could be in the game. Look at the characters, the strategy, even the name of the game and see if any of that clicks as to being something you want or need to incorporate into your life or your self. Also, ask yourself if there were any “head games” going on with you and your fiancée at the time of this dream. Let us know if you make the connection and in the meantime… Mazel Tov!!

Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. Anonymity guaranteed! Don’t forget: you can get access to Lauri’s Instant Dream Decoding Dictionary on her site. And check out Lauri’s new book Dream On It, available everywhere!

photo via flickr

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it) This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I had the weirdest dream and can’t for the life of me figure out what it means. Me and my boyfriend broke up recently because of trust issues that I have and that’s been on my mind a lot lately, so I am guessing it has something to do with that. A couple days before I had this dream we decided that we would try to work things out, but we would take things a bit slower this time.

In my dream I am a man, which seemed kind of weird to me. It is me and another man who I seem to know very well, and two girls. In the beginning we are receiving blowjobs from the girls, but lose our erections in the middle of it. We seem very confused and try to get it back up but can’t. Then all of a sudden a giant light bulb appears in the sky but is not lit up. I tell the other guy to look and then the light bulb starts to turn like it’s being screwed in and lights up. Me and the other guy both go, “Oh yeah… duh!” and almost magically and instantly our erection comes back. Then we have intercourse with the girls. I would appreciate any explanation you have to offer.

Lauri: We do tend to dream about what is on our mind the most, so I’m sure you are correct in assuming this dream is connected to your recent breakup/reconciliation. Let’s see if we can figure out the message. Since you’re a man in the dream, I wonder if you are playing the dominant role in the reconciliation. The two girls, the two guys, and you being a man when you’re actually a woman — I believe all of this reflects how divided you are regarding the relationship. Having an erection and then losing it also seems to reflect how divided you are: You probably try to “stand firm” in your trust but then you lose it and cave to the distrust. And, like a blowjob, that really “sucks.”

I think the main message of the dream comes in the form of the light bulb. As we all know, light bulbs in the air are all about having a sudden bright idea or realization. You get your realization, and your erection back, when you see the light bulb get screwed in. That is likely telling you that you need to change your outlook. If you stop seeing yourself as a victim, as someone that’s been “screwed over” just as the bulb was screwed in over you, then your trust issues will no longer weaken your relationships. You can then proceed to have satisfying relationships in life just as you proceeded to then have intercourse in the dream.

Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. Anonymity guaranteed! Don’t forget: you can get access to Lauri’s Instant Dream Decoding Dictionary on her site. And check out Lauri’s new book Dream On It, available everywhere!

photo via Flickr

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it) This week, a reader asks Lauri:

Okay, so I’ve had two dreams about cheating on my boyfriend, which I don’t get because I’m really attached to my boyfriend and I love him so much and I would never cheat on him.

The first one was with a guy I used to like for a long time. He was my best friend through most of high school. Basically we’re hanging out like normal but then he leans in to kiss me. At first I hesitate but then I just go for it and it starts getting dirty. Then my boyfriend walks in. That’s when the first dream ended.

The second dream was with some guy I’ve seen a few times but have never actually met. In it, some of my friends and this guy are all at a park just hanging out and then my boyfriend and I show up. I meet him and we start getting along really well. My boyfriend leaves to go pick up one of his friends and it’s just me and this guy but he has to go soon so he hugs me tight and long like a boyfriend would and then he kisses me but I don’t hesitate. He smiles at me. Then all of sudden it’s the same day but he comes back about an hour or so later and a storm begins. We run away together. Last thing I remember is my boyfriend on his knees begging me not to go.

Lauri: As I always say, you can’t look at your dreams as a literal message because they will never make sense. Your dreams are symbolic. Don’t look AT them, look INTO them. You mentioned that you are very attached to your boyfriend so clearly these dreams do not suggest that you wish to explore intimacy outside of the relationship.

However, they do suggest there is something else going on outside of your relationship that your inner mind feels a tad bit guilty about as that is what cheating dreams are almost always connected to. Since there is a lot of making out in your dreams, and kissing is often connected to waking life conversation, have you been saying things about your relationship to others that you probably shouldn’t, like giving up intimate details for example?

In your second dream, after your make out session with another guy there is a storm. Can you recall a stormy situation or argument with your boyfriend after he found out about something you said? In the end of your last dream your boyfriend is begging you not to go. What is it in real life your boyfriend has asked you not to do? He asks you not to go. That may be more about him asking you “not to go there” in waking life, which is a common thing we say when we don’t want someone to talk about something that bothers us.

If this doesn’t seem to hit home then ask yourself if your boyfriend has insecurities within the relationship that are beginning to creep into your dreams. If that is the case, it may be a good time to have a little powwow and let him know you are not the same person that broke his trust and it is beginning to cause unnecessary guilt within you. I hope this helps, and good luck to you both!

Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. Anonymity guaranteed! Don’t forget: you can get access to Lauri’s Instant Dream Decoding Dictionary on her site. And check out Lauri’s new book Dream On It, available everywhere!