Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex & relationships. If you’ve got a good one, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg just might tell you what it means! Click here to submit yours (18 and older only for dream interpretations, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri about dreaming that her husband has a baby with someone else.
I have recently been having dreams of my spouse having a baby with someone else. We just got married 4 months ago. A year ago we were moving in together and I ended up pregnant. I’m 25 and he’s 27, he had expressed to me how a baby was not right at that time because our careers were at their peak, so we decided to terminate the pregnancy. We both didn’t want to but it felt like the right thing to do.
I’ve fallen into a depression due to ending the pregnancy. I have been filled with guilt. I’ve spoken to him, asking if we can plan out for a baby since things have settled down a bit, but he still tells me it not a good idea. I feel a little bit heartbroken since he’s refusing, but at the same time I can’t force him.
Anyways, for the last couple of nights I have been dreaming of him telling me he has gotten someone pregnant, then seeing him with the woman carrying his child and my heart breaks in pieces. I’ve woken up crying.
Lauri: I’m so sorry about your situation. I got pregnant unexpectedly several years ago. I did not want another child but decided to keep it only to miscarry as soon as I was finally excited about it. All I wanted was to have it back. And I too went into a deep depression. I understand.
Along with your guilt and depression you are probably also feeling a sense of betrayal which is reflected in this dream. You want a baby right now, to correct what feels like a wrong, to fill the void. It encompasses every thought, every breath and ever fiber of your being… yet your husband simply is not there with you. He doesn’t share your pain nor your desire. And that can certainly feel like a betrayal and like he is taking from you what you want for yourself.
In addition, you may see him continuing to enjoy life while you are a wreck. Just like in the dream, he was enjoying this “new life” of being newly married, symbolized by the baby, while you were falling apart.
My suggestion is to work on forgiving yourself. Tonight at bedtime, right before you turn out the light to go to sleep, I want you to write a letter to yourself. Write out how you are feeling. If you feel mad at the time, write it down and then write out why. Then look at what you have written as though it were written by your best friend. If what you had written were your best friend’s words, what would you tell her? Write that down. Now is the time for you to become your own best friend and to let yourself know things are going to be okay. Now is the time to show yourself mercy, just as you would your best friend if she were going through this. When you feel you’ve gotten a lot of this out of your psyche and onto paper, you may also find you feel a little better. That’s when you turn out your light and go to sleep. And odds are your dreams that night will be a bit lighter… and that is a very good sign that healing is beginning.
You have plenty of time to bring another baby into your life. You’re going to be okay.
Response from the dreamer: Hi Lauri, I just did just that. A couple of days ago we spoke about the children matter. He agreed that it’s indeed time to try. I’m a bit scared because usually when you try for a baby, couples can go months up to years trying to conceive. I’m hopeful we will get it right. Thank you.