1/4/12
Dear Em & Lo: How Do I Tell My BF He Sucks at Oral?

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Dear Em & Lo,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. I’m 21, he’s 28. He’s the only person to ever perform oral sex on me, so while I have no one to compare him too, I know that he is bad at oral sex. He pushes his entire face on my lady region and just moves side to side, as if that is supposed to feel good. He hardly uses his tongue and I don’t think he even understands he needs to focus on the clit. After 3 years, I have no idea how to tell him that he’s not doing it right. Help!
— Suffering in Silence

Dear SiS,

Oh dear. We’re tempted to tell you to dump this guy and start over with a new one, because it’s a million times harder to teach an old partner new tricks. This is in large part because there’s no easy way to say, “You’ve been screwing up for three years and I just never got around to telling you.” How would his ego ever recover from such a blow? How would he ever know to trust your sexual response in bed again? This is why we emphasize again and again and again the importance of communication in bed from the out-set — not to mention the importance of never faking.

But maybe he’s a good guy. Maybe you really love him. We’re going to assume you do, as there’s obviously a reason you stuck with him despite godawful oral. First off, it’s important that you lose the attitude (are we wrong in sensing a little attitude in the phrase as if that is supposed to feel good?). How on earth is he supposed to know what feels good if you never tell him? Maybe his last girlfriend didn’t like clitoral attention during oral (some ladies don’t) and that’s why he’s shying away from yours. Or maybe no woman has ever had the decency to tell him how to do it, which means he’s flailing away down there like a wind-up toy.

Once you’ve accepted that you’re as much, if not more, to blame as he is, you can start your gentle campaign to reeducate him. The next time he goes down on you, ask him — as if it’s a thought that just occurred to you — to focus on your clitoris. When he gets there, give him feedback — faster, slower, harder, softer, a little to the left, etc. And when he gets it right, go crazy with the positive feedback:  moan, call his name, say yes, whatever works for you. The next time he goes down on you, offer a different specific suggestion of something he might try. Again, guide him gently and go nuts when he gets it right. Don’t try to change his entire approach in one session — after all, you’ve waited three years, what’s another few weeks?

Oh, and next time you’re going down on him, why not ask what he’d like you to do? Just in case, you know, he’s been suffering in silence for three years too. Kidding! (Sort of.)

— Em & Lo

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44 Comments on "Dear Em & Lo: How Do I Tell My BF He Sucks at Oral?"

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Butterfly
Butterfly
3 years 8 months ago

Not everyone likes the same thing, so your best bet is to tell him how you like it! If you dont speak up how his he suppose to know.

JJ
JJ
3 years 10 months ago

If i am not interested in a guy i will not give him any instructions, If it is a one night stand I will give all instructions cos i don’t care what he thinks about me being too bossy or hurting his feelings.
In a relationship I go about it differently, I make it sound like I am helping him rather than saying that was not right. Like “I love it when you do …. ”
But then I am also a girl who will ask a guy for feed back on my BJ technique

Tish
Tish
3 years 10 months ago

I read a book called “Secretly Teach Him” by MoeJr it has you do things like guide him with your fingers etc. He won’t even know what your doing. My husband had not a clue, and when I got so excited the next time it was the first place he went. and now OMG! is all I can say.

Debby
Debby
4 years 26 days ago
Find Out Why You Broke Up This is your next step on how to get my ex boyfriend back. Find out the reason behind the break up. Did you cheat on him, Did he cheat on you that you broke up, Did he leave you for another woman, Are there any habits that made him leave you in case he is the one who broke up with you? Finding out a reason behind the break up can will help you identify an area that you need to fix so that he can see that you have changed for the better.… Read more »
Debby
Debby
4 years 26 days ago
MY NAME IS DEBORAH WALLACE FROM HOUSTON,TEXAS.I NEVER BELIEVED IN LOVE SPELLS OR MAGIC UNTIL I MET THIS SPELL CASTER ONCE WHEN I WENT TO AFRICA IN JANUARY LAST YEAR ON A BUSINESS SUMMIT. HE IS REALLY POWERFUL AND COULD HELP CAST SPELLS TO BRING BACK ONE’S GONE,LOST,MISBEHAVING LOVER AND MAGIC MONEY SPELL OR SPELL FOR A GOOD JOB.I’M NOW HAPPY & A LIVING TESTIMONY COS THE MAN I HAD WANTED TO MARRY LEFT ME 2 WEEKS BEFORE OUR WEDDING AND MY LIFE WAS UPSIDE DOWN COS OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN ON FOR 2YEARS… I REALLY LOVED HIM, BUT HIS… Read more »
fed up
fed up
4 years 6 months ago
I have read all these entries and I like some of the suggestions however… My boyfriend and I just moved in together after a year or so and even though it has been hard to keep communication about these things going (he grew up very oppressed and shy) I have gently but directly brought up that I am not happy in this area of the bedroom, I have told him higher up, to the left but no matter what I do he just doesn’t seem to get it. He thinks my uretheal hole is my clit half the time even… Read more »
jakrabbit6969
jakrabbit6969
4 years 8 months ago

im not sure if you or him are into this type of thing but… you can tie his hands to the bed or something and just sit that wonderful region right on his face, i know i love when my girl does that to me… then you will have full control over where he licks because he will not be able to move his head as much as he would like. You could focus his tounge on whatever part of you that you would like. Trust me, he will go nuts after you do this, and so will you!

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