1. @Alex: I feel so sorry for you that you’re a grown woman and have never had an orgasm. But you shouldn’t put down other women for complaining that they’re unhappy or unsatisfied with their lukewarm sex lives. That’s just being a BITCH.

    @also need some: I don’t know if you’re the same person as “needsome”, but your husband sounds like a selfish lazy slob. I hate men who get lazy with sex after marriage. If he’s depressed or tired then do your best to help him through this. But once things seem to get back to normal if he continues this way then it might mean he’s cheating on you or no longer interested in you in a sexual/romantic way. It could be time to seriously re-evaluate your marriage.

    Make sure you emphasize that you want variety and fun and plenty or foreplay. NONE OF US WANT IT TO BE ROUTINE AND BORING LIKE YOUR HUSBAND IS MAKING IT OUT TO BE. You deserve more, sweetie.

  2. The best sex I’ve had has lasted 20-30 minutes, with various positions. I guess it just depends on the person, (personal preference) but if you’re changing up positions and speeds, 10 minutes can feel like you’re just getting started!

  3. @ Greg. FYI my husband and I have been married for almost 10 years this month. I do love him but as a woman I have my needs. I married him because I loved him and the sex was great. I still love him but I need more sex. He just came back in town on Monday and we had sex about 5 times so far for this week. So, I guess he’s finally listening to me and giving me what I want. Beggers can’t be choosers 5 times for the week is much better than 5 times for the month :o)

  4. @also need some – It sounds like right now stress is the main problem. Read all the advice for guys about how foreplay begins in the morning and is all about romance. Then be nice to him and try to help him feel better. Do more than your share of the chores, massage him, be romantic, go on dates. Also make sure he feels like you can have sex play without going all the way if he’s not in the mood. Since he’s a guy, you might also try things like masturbating in front of him, talking about sex, watching an action movie, leaning over, etc. Do the things he most enjoys. If you think he’s tired or worried about his erection, try to make opportunities for a.m. sex.
    At some point, when things are back to normal, you may want to talk to him about trying new things, too. Find out what he’d like to try. And be sure you’re scheduling plenty of couple time so that sex can happen.

  5. Also Need Some- I don’t want this to sound harsh, but good lord woman, what on earth are you complaining about? I have never in my life had an orgasm, let alone with a man, and it has caused serious relationship issues. You’re coming every time you have sex? I’d say relax and enjoy it.

  6. If he sees someone and it doesn’t help, I have a 12″ tongue and can breathe theu my ears 🙂 Seriously, hope all works out

  7. I know he’s been stressed about some things like work,etc. as well as some kind of heavy extended-family drama that emerged a few months ago. I am trying to be supportive and understanding-I have not said a word to him about this- I was just kind of venting …….

  8. OMG,thought I was the only woman going thru this. I feel like I was deceived at the beginning of my realationship. Sex was great! I don’t know what happened-I swear it’s like he got lazy or something. Started being longer in between sessions and then after a couple years he didn’t even bother with anything other than” You want to?” and maybe a kiss or a lick of my nipples and then he just goes down on me. It’s the same thing everytime now. No variation and I mean I come everytime(he’s good at that- I taught him well 🙂 but damn! Mix it up. I don’t feel like I’m in a position to complain either because I have already brought up on several occasions thru the years that I want more and now it’s been 2and a half months since the last time-never been this long before. I am no longer desperate for the minute of penetration I’d get after he went down on me,I’m just pissed. I have only had my vibe,porn,lube and my hands for months and I don’t understand! I look good,keep clean,never fuck around,work hard to help support the family,am a good mom and would do anything for my guy. Any straight man I know would be happy to fuck me so why won’t my husband?

  9. Needsome, I’m sorry but to get married because the sex is good = short term relationship. My wife and I will be married 25 yrs in Sept. We still have sex 3-5 days a week, sex is an important part of our relationship but not why we got married. Sorry to rant but you seem really immature. Go find a guy you can love for 30 more years who is also good in bed, not because he is good in bed.

  10. I would love to get atleast 5 minutes!!! If I get 2 minutes of penetration I’m lucky. My sex life is like a race… “who cums first wins”. I’m a 30 year old female and I feel like I’m in heat and I could never get enough sex. My husband and I have sex 3-5 a month. When we first met we had sex atleast 3 times a day, and then there was days we had sex 10 times!!! I mean the sex was good that’s why I married the guy. Now, I would much rather grab a toy and watch porn. I know this sounds so wrong…. It’s usually the other way around, the guy ususally complains his wife isn’t giving him any.

  11. Figleaf makes some very good points ( as usual.)

    Also, many of us don’t follow the “she gets manual or oral (if she’s lucky, she orgasms) he gets manual or oral, then they have PIV sex. Then, he ejaculates and it’s over.”

    Many of us mix it up nearly every time. A few minutes of this, a few minutes of that, Oh, back to a half an hour of this, then some of this other stuff, then back to what we started with, then the toys get broken out, then some PIV, then back to oral for all, then some….other stuff, then back to the second thing we did (I think, we’ve lost track and our out of breathe and incapable of rational thought by now) somebody orgasms, then she does again, then he does, then she does again, then they do the third thing they tried this time, then he orgasms again, then they fall into an exhausted heap, while still nibbling on each other.

    In other words, I really have NO idea how long. Quickies can last 10-15 minutes, marathons can last 3 or more hours, but they are not hand-her oral-his oral -penetrative – other penetrative -end type sex.

    In other words, I don’t think there’s an ideal. I prefer at least 30 minutes to an hour, but it can be broken up, and most likely is, by other activities.

  12. What’s an ideal penetration time? I think it depends a lot on whether you’re thinking of penetration as part of foreplay or penetration as the end result.

    An average of 10 minutes sounds about right for classic beginning-to-end, assuming you’re both ready to start at the same time.

    But if you’re able to include it in foreplay? When you’re both really in the mood brief moments of slow penetration between long kisses and caresses can leave you both aching for more.

    And then there’s the methods of penetration with no movement (e.g. Shaker or Tantra) that don’t actually require hours but do take longer than ten minutes.


  13. I think the ideal is longer than what we may be physically capable of. But if everything could work right and keep going, why would you ever want to stop?

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