Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “By nature, I’m very curvaceous: big boobs, thin waist, round butt. Aside from wearing a tent, I can’t really hide this fact. So, how do I get men to treat me like a human being and not a sex object?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.
Gay Committed Guy (Terence): Men are going to see what’s in front of them and there’s way no around it that I know of. If they see you dressed in a tent, then they’ll treat you like a woman in a tent. Same goes with wearing a bikini top and tight jeans. I can’t control anyone’s first impression of me and neither can you, but every subsequent moment is entirely up to you. It is up to you to speak, act, and carry yourself as if you mean business. Hold his gaze if you have to, and make it clear you won’t accept his shit, his snide remarks, or his lecherous glances. You may not walk away friends, but you will begin to establish your reputation, command respect, and establish some basic expectations.
Straight Single Guy (Tom Miller): That sound you hear is every single other woman on Earth (except for Christina Hendricks, of course) harrumphing. Guys firmly believe women know what they’re doing when they get dressed in the morning and get really confused when we hear, “Hey Chachi, my eyes are up here.” Supposedly, evolution has programmed us to glance (even gay dudes like big boobs) so you unless you get a reduction or begin wearing the aforementioned tent, you may be stuck. And, unfortunately, mentioning it to these guys will be awkward at a minimum and they could think you’re uptight or worse. Your best bet is to dress conservatively and go to lengths to maintain eye contact while you talk.
Straight Married Guy (Fred): First of all, it’s not really men’s fault. We’re wired to be attracted to your features. We didn’t ask to be. Some men have more control over it than others. And some men are just dickheads about it.
At work, you should call men on this. Don’t let them get away with it. Have some snappy rebuttals ready. “What are you, a 13-year-old boy?” “I don’t think Walter will close the deal, his brain has been replaced with another tiny penis.” “Hey, dum-dum, stop looking at my tits.” Those aren’t very good, but you get the idea.
If you’re looking for a relationship, my only advice is to find the right man. Period. A man who is looking for a relationship will treat you differently from a man who is looking for sex. You won’t be able to stop every man (who has a pulse) from thinking about sex when encountering you, but look for the subtle clues that tell you a man is trying to work through the flood of hormones.
On the street — if you just need to pop out to the store and don’t want any attention at all… wear the tent.
Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. Tom Miller writes the Tomfoolery blog for YourTango; Terence is an American living in Sydney; Fred is a little shy. To ask the guys your own question, click here.