Wise Guys: Should a Woman Be Worried About Her Boyf’s Close Female Friends?

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Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: Should a woman be worried if her boyfriend has tons of very close female friends? To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Married Straight Guy (Jake): On the contrary, I think a man with many close female friends shows that he has the empathy, listening skills, sensitivity and charisma that are valuable in a partner. And if he is floating in a sea of women but chooses to be with you, that’s a confidence booster if I’ve ever seen one.

Single Straight Guy (
Megan): No, not if he has tons of them. Some guys just get along better with women than with other men.  I’m in that category.  I was raised by a single mother and one older sister.  Relating to women is easy for me because I’ve been surrounded by women all my life.  I’m sure I’m not alone in this category.  A woman should be worried if her boyfriend has one, very special friend.  A solitary friendship like that can slide into an intimate, physical, sexual relationship.  A friendship like that contains honesty, candor, trust, respect and even love of a different sort.  A relationship like that can effortlessly reach a tipping point and judgment can lapse if one of the people in the relationship experience an element of trauma, betrayal, loss, frustration or even plain old intoxication.  It’s a common misconception to think that the grass is greener, but, in my experience, it has not been for any prolonged amount of time.  There is excitement in a new, different and rejuvenated kind of intimacy between two “friends”, but when that new relationship ends, so does the friendship.  It’s better to have one, exclusive partner and a number of close friends than one, exclusive partner and one, very close female friend.  There is less chance of a deeper, more intimate relationship developing that way and, as a result, a better chance of the exclusive relationship’s survival.

Committed Gay Guy (Dwayne): Girl friends are the best!  The more girl friends, the more knowledge, insight, and gossip.  It’s healthy to have many friends, whatever sex they are.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Committed Gay Guy is Dwayne Resnick, a mid-20th-century decorative arts dealer in NY’s Hudson Valley; our Single Straight Guy is The Meeglet blogger Megan, a former librarian whose Men of the Stacks calendar benefits the It Gets Better Project, and our Married Straight Guy is Jake Kulji, a Minneapolis-based freelance writer who blogs at Analogue Living and who has written two Minnesota hiking and camping guidebooks. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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5 Comments on "Wise Guys: Should a Woman Be Worried About Her Boyf’s Close Female Friends?"

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I think it’s incredibly naïve to be okay with your exclusive boyfriend/husband having close female friends that he texts a lot and hangs out with a lot. I don’t know where the misconception came from that cheating or infidelity only occurs once INTIMATE physical contact or intercourse has been had between two people. That simply isn’t so. For example, what do you do the first month you are dating someone? You talk, you get to know each other, you share, you laugh, you grow closer… how is that different from what he does with his female friends? It’s emotional cheating… Read more »
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If a man is married, he has no business being friends with any woman unless he is primarily friends with her husband. Husbands need to avoid any and all semblances emotional connection with anyone women other than their wives… It’s common sense. To think other wise, just opens the door for infidelity.

Weeeeell… depends on the friend. Some of my lady friends I’ve fooled around with, others I haven’t. I am a discreet kinda lover, and so are the ladies I pick for myself, so you’d never know which of my lady friends I’ve hooked up with and which I haven’t. Also, it depends on my level of commitment to the relationship. I’m more committed to some girlfriends than to others. So, yes, certain girlfriends do need to worry about certain female friends. I am currently as committed to my relationship as I’ve ever been in my life. I do not cheat… Read more »
I’m with Megan on this. If someone has tons of women friends, or men friends, it’s probably a good thing. And if they do, and they chose you, then yeah, that’s definitely not cause for alarm. Not even during those times when you’re not getting along! One reason? “Lots of female friends” typically means friends who know each other. And no matter how base someone’s instincts might be they’re generally tempered by knowing that word will go around if you try to get around. One especially close friend is probably more problematic. Although… I dunno. If it’s an older friendship… Read more »