What Do Men Think About Sex Toys in Bed?

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: How do most guys feel when a woman brings her favorite sex toy into the bedroom? Threatened? Excited?

Gay Single Guy (Angelo Nikolopoulos): Unless it’s the Jackhammer Jesus, or obscenely elephantine, I think it’s generally safe — educationally thrilling even — to introduce your vibrator into the bedroom. By appealing to his sense of ingenuity and boyhood exploratory spirit, any guy would be flushed with excitement by the opportunity to tinker with an entirely foreign, exotic gadget. Whether it’s fiddling with your Tivo or installing computer software updates, technology seems to bring the best out in men; they like to get things right. With the proper coaxing (Gee, I just can’t figure this thing out!), tinkering with your Rabbit Habit’s best configurations just might be the kind of dilemma you’d want your guy troubleshooting through an entire Saturday afternoon.

anonymous_suitStraight Married Guy (Figleaf): I don’t know how most guys feel, but whether it’s with toys, fingers, or ideas, I’ve felt very happy when a partner takes me into her confidence and shares what she likes in the bedroom. I like it when she “lends a hand” when we’re in a position where it’s hard for me to reach her. And when she enjoys the exhibitionism/voyeurism of getting off with me. Or when she just wants to add to what we’re doing. It’s nice even when she’s just never going to get off — or off often enough — from my efforts alone. I guess some of those reasons, especially the last, could be seen as threatening. A lot of the other reasons are just straight-up exciting. But they all mean she’s comfortable enough with me, and confident enough about her self, to show me what she likes. And that’s always going to make me happier than if she was too nervous or uncomfortable about it. If she’s comfortable enough to share her favorite toy? So much the better!

You know something I’ve always been too shy to try, though? Being the one to bring a new toy or vibrator into bed with a partner, even one I think she’d enjoy. If it’s okay for a Wise Guy to ask questions of his own, do you think it would be okay to do that instead? [Em & Lo: Ladies, respond in the comments section below, please!]

anonymous_suitStraight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): I think most guys feel somewhere between threatened and excited. It’s adventurous, but also a little denigrating. It’s probably similar to how most girls would feel if a guy brought his favorite pornography to share in the bedroom: unwelcome competition, and too much information. (Imagine how you’d feel if a guy showed you a well-worn picture of a swimsuit model, and then with a conspiratorial smile taped it to the wall above the pillows before getting down to business?) A definite no-no for most couples in the first few months of dating. But for long-term and married couples, introducing your little best friend can help revive or spice things up, and even be a welcome relief for guys who aim to please their woman.

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47 Comments on "What Do Men Think About Sex Toys in Bed?"

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I got some girl night outfits. to inspire my love grandpa. we have several grand children just busy working. farm folk work when they don’t. I wore my second outfit. he says “cool., this mean I get to play? while I’ve yet to muster the courage to ask. he said he used a “toy “and, he seemed to be glowing today, gave up hay to garden with me? I thought it was him! Guess I’m a little embarrassed.


The more the merrier! Bring on the toys, wish my wife was more interested in the idea.


My experiences have run the gamut, from my completely uninterested late husband to men who have asked if I had any dildos to play with. My current (and best, by far) partner himself raised the addition of toys to our playtime and has purchased the lion’s share of what is in the “toychest” (shopping for toys together itself is foreplay). He is the most sex-positive partner I have had, completely focused on pleasuring his playmates, and isn’t the least bit threatened by current sexual technology (he’s almost obsessed with it, lol). Party on!

My husband attacked me because I brought sex game and sex toys to better our marriage and sex life because we’re having communication problems, he don’t laugh or talk with me but will do laugh and talk to strangers. He went bonkers because I tried to convince him to be playful and flirty while working up to sex basically foreplay. I told him he went nutts like I was trying to rape him or make him have sex with a MAN he said he’s not in the mood and he feel like he’s goin crazy. begged him to have sex… Read more »

That is a problem. Hopefully you have gotten out of that situation by now. Sounds like he would get along with my wife.

Em & Lo

Attacking and physically hurting you is not ok — it’s abuse. Please call or visit the National Domestic Violence hotline for confidential support, information and advice: http://www.thehotline.org/ 1−800−799−7233

Fun Wife

My wife has been exploring and spicing up the bedroom with new toys. She just purchased a big 10 inch x 2 1/2 wide black vibrator. She likes to be stretched out.

In the comments MMM states that Single Guy is wrong and men don’t feel threatened by a sex toy. 1) you are a woman, you cannot state a man’s perspective , just like men can’t state a woman’s. 2) your man does not represent every man in the world . He is just one guy . So what works for him won’t work for others. 3) As a man, I can say YES, a man can be offended or threatened by a dildo. I’d compare it a skinny small boobed and small butt woman asked by her man if he… Read more »

You asked if I’d feel threatened or excited. I have a small dick, 4-4.5″ long so needless to say I’d feel threatened!

I think you should feel the other way. Having a small dick is really not a hindrance in the real world. It is probably the least consistently useful way to please a woman. My dick is maybe 6 inches on a good day. I rely on it to eventually get me off but not much more than that. . A toy just gives you an additional way to participate. I am older now and wish I had known when I was young what I know now. If you rely on your dick to please a woman every time you are… Read more »