Why Aren’t Some Men Up for Going Down?

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Why do guys seem to dislike giving oral sex more than woman seem to dislike giving it?

jon_rossGay Married Guy (Jon Ross): I’ve met a bunch of straight men and woman who dislike the pastime, which is a bit of a mystery to me — most gays just love the activity! One in my position can only speculate, but I wonder if it’s a fear of “the other” that has some people so squeamish. Sure, everyone loves sex, but some just want to keep to keep everything perfectly aligned, mouth to mouth, genitalia to genitalia. I bet the people who shy away from oral sex are just unfamiliar with how everything works down there or fear they’ll get a mouthful of a bodily fluid.

chris_diclericoStraight Single Guy (Chris): I hate to disappoint you, but we don’t all dislike giving oral. I’m not fishing for dates here, but I personally love giving as much as receiving. I promise I can have that verified for you. I think many guys are just too anxious to get to sex. I suppose I was too when I was younger. Now that I’m a little older, I’m much more interested in leaving a good impression. My recovery time isn’t the same as it once was either, so I guess I’m compensating somewhat, but I remember always being pretty into it. I don’t know if there’s a secret. Ladies, keep things nice and trim down there: consider going with a complete “no spin zone” or maybe even a vajazzling to try to drum up some interest. (He should do be willing to do the same for you.) And speaking of reciprocation, remember the golden rule: if you give good head then hopefully you’ll get good head in return. I guess the only other advice I can give if you’re still having trouble is that you can find me on Facebook pretty easily…

Straight Married Guy (Mike): Who said that men dislike giving oral sex? Nothing is more arousing than the smell of a woman. So, just for selfish reasons, oral is a great way to start. However, there are obviously men who are repelled by the idea and women who are self-conscious, but it’s nothing that a little personal hygiene won’t cure. As for women, there seems to be much more pressure and expectation to expertly perform orally — the blowjob is a fixture of porn and is practically de rigueur. I wonder how many women really enjoy being a service provider?  With either, a little communication would go a long way: as exciting as oral sex can be, there’s also nothing worse than when it is half-hearted.

Brush up on your oral sex etiquette:
12 Rules for Going Down


  1. I recently met a guy who told me before we had our first sexual encounter ‘you won’t be disappointed’ only to find that he doesn’t do cunnilingus under any circumstances – after he’d been happy to accept a bj. I was stunned. These days I consider giving and receiving oral to be as much a staple part of sex as kissing and fucking. Mind you, the same guy told me that ‘most men could happily have sex without kissing’. To which I thought…. maybe you are fucking the wrong sex my friend.

  2. Okay, so here’s the thing. I don’t like the taste, clean hygienic or not, I don’t like it. I don’t really care that much about receiving oral sex, and I’m getting sick of it being considered a failure on the male if he doesn’t, I sure as hell don’t see a woman not wanting to do a particular sexual act because either she doesn’t enjoy it or is not comfortable with as a failure on her, or a sign of me not being attractive.

    1. Omg I tasted myself it’s freaking bitter fishy sweet nastiness….no man should be forced to do it…..buy a nice shower head and let her go to town! Clean, enjoyable, Perfect! It’s America’s best kept secret….Men fricking hate it and who can blame them!? Nasty!

  3. I love to go down on a woman. But there is rule for me to do that. I want it clean. Now I understand if a girl is on her period and done that. Not what I mean. If it smells like tuna or cat food I ain’t eating. And I have to really drunk anf horny as hell to fuck it. But there will be a rubber used if it ain’t right. But other I love taste my woman. And make her feel really good.

    1. Straight males and their “women, be hygienic!” nonsense. Women, in general, are more hygienic than men (including their genitals) – it’s proven, btw. They shower better and clean their genitals more properly.
      There are kore men with vomit smelling penises than women with tuna smelling vulvas.

    2. You have to be drunk to fuck your own wife!?? Why?? Is Vag that God awful? Enjoy your ass Mr! Geese your poor partner wtf!?!

  4. Its personal taste but I love going down on my wife. I’d do it way more often than she could want. The thought and taste highly arouse me along with the idea that she is getting so much pleasure from it. I don’t think I’d do it just for my sake (if it didn’t get her off) but she never has to ask me for it. For each their own I guess.

  5. to be honest i don’t know whats wrong with me but i can’t do it without feeling nauseous and if i keep it up i just start dry reaching. my wife is really understanding thank god. we’ve talked about it and there was a couple of times where i persisted only to puke which killed it. i love my wife so much and i just want to please her. she goes down on me but now i don’t want her to do that because i can’t do the same. there’s nothing wrong with her and i feel so inadequate. I’ve considered seeing a shrink although i’ll probably talk to my doctor first.

  6. Sorry ladies, I cannot stand it. I think it’s utterly disgusting, I can’t explain why. To me it’s like a food, you either like it or you don’t. I love receiving a blow job and practically vomit at the thought of going down on a woman.

    1. Don’t worry, your peis must be disgusting as well. The difference is, the women who gets with you will still try to please you even though your penis is an ugly, small, stinky little stick.

  7. Before my first piece of tail I was told an old adage. If it looks good,feels good, tastes good then the chances are it is good to go there.
    So going down is always a part of foreplay. To the people who don’t want too go down you don’t know what you are missing. A good healthy pussy is so sweet and you know she is enjoying it when she pushes your face harder into herself. I have even got caught after my first climactic burst going for seconds and getting fresh blood, to find myself in the first day of a period. So loosen up and enjoy the perfumed garden.

  8. I am a gal who use to love giving my man as many favors as HE could take. And then later on I would get my treat in return. But as I have gotten a tad older, im not so ampted all the time to do it, and my current boyfriend isnt a very big giver what-so-ever. This is what I did. I talked to him. Told him how I felt. And it took a little time, but he loosened up and now he’ll go downtown but not nearly as much as I would personally like and now that im pregnant I dont like to give at all. So I choose my battles now…

  9. Eliza,

    There seems to be something wrong even in the beginning, 2/wk ??? At first it’s typically 2/day, and if you have a 4 yr old than I am assuming your still in prime sexual peak, so decreasing down to once a month is just weird. I would guess your guy is fantasizing and jacking off with his porn addiction. YES ADDICTION, and you are not doing it for him, no normal women could. Better rethink your relationship

  10. My man and I have been together for 3 years. At first we had sex often..2/wk.. at most. Now.. we maybe have sex once a month if Im lucky. The problem is I dont get off during quickies which is all he provides. He has gone down on me a couple times but I have to literally beg him to. He watches lots of porn and looks at beautiful blond perfect fake woman on his phone and computer all the time. Im not ugly but Im no porn super model. So obviously this bothers me a bit. He says its not me and that he still thinks Im beautiful but still does not initiate anything. Everytime I try something always comes up or I dont have the time cause I have a 4 yr old. What is going on with him?

  11. I love my boyfriend very much and the sex is wonderful but I hate the fact that I give him oral sex allllll the time and I can’t get it in return. I tried talking to him about it but he says its not his thing, what should I do?

  12. I think there is a large percentage of men who enjoy giving oral sex to women, but there are those who are opposed to it. I think these men are hesitant because of thier lack of knowledge of the genitalia. I often notice the guys who like to go downtown tend to be more experienced and better in bed. So ladies don’t feel bad and think it’s you, most likely case scenario is they are frightened they won’t be good at it and don’t take criticism well.

  13. I’d rather a man not have hair down there. With that said, I love to give blowjobs. Though I won’t say it, I want the reciprocation and I want him to enjoy it, not act like it’s a duty. “Just think of England” guys are a profound turn off.

  14. i love the smell of balls, penis, a mans body hmm. i love a man to have lot of hair, especially down there he musnt shave! I know some men who do.i love to be nice and smooth for my man. i love dressing up for my man. as long as its clean down there ill suck him, and sometims it turns me on more when im giving him as much pleasure as possible, becuase it turns me on when hes turned on. i suppose im a giver. i have a fetish for my man to have their clothes on during sex, and for us to have quickies! i always suck him then go on top of him and have sex lol the best way for me to enjoy and get pleasure, and he seems happy too ;’)

  15. —-No threats, just a general discussion here. The threats are a bit extreme lol. As i said, i prefer to give, but i probably wouldn’t like to date a guy who refuses to go down on me. I like things fair, equal, and the respect for eachother to be mutual. Its good to be fussy and find the right guy or girl for you, depending on your sexual desires and needs, otherwise, you just wont be pleased sexually and some may look elsewhere. If a girl really wants a guy to go down on her, but the guy says no, then the girl should look for a man who will. The same applies for a man. I’ve heard people say ‘but anal is the same, and if a girl refuses that, its the same concept refusing oral sex.’ This is not the same for many reasons. 1. Anal is for gay men (no offense), that is why a vagina is there. 2. Anal can cause STDs 3. Anal is too damn painful!! All this is just in my opinion, as I have never dated a guy who has not gone down on me.—-

  16. There have been a lot of threats posted here from women threatening to cut off their men for not giving them a good tongue lashing. But what about the reverse situation?

    I have never had a problem going down on a woman as long as she doesn’t smell offensively. If she does, I offer to giver her an interesting and pleasurable variation of foreplay and get her cleaned up. I’ve never been turned down for that!

    But it’s been my very bad luck to not get the same consideration in return. I have never had a partner play by the same rules, so to speak, and do me as I’m willing to do. Am I to cut off my partner if I don’t get what I give?

    I don’t, for I feel that any sex is better than no sex, and maybe the next one will be more cooperative. It’s better to think positive no matter what the track record.

    1. I think giving oral is a matter of mutual respect. And while it is not the same “This bears repeating: Only one-quarter of women reliably experience orgasm during intercourse-no matter how long it lasts, no matter what size the man’s penis, and no matter how the woman feels about the man or the relationship.” -Psychology Today, since men orgasm consistently from sex and women do not. It boils down to the age-old treat others how you want to be treated. Perhaps it is your size that intimidates women? In any case I think it’s important to bring it up to your partners. I’ve had a single partner, I told him that his lack of giving made me feel as if he didn’t care about my pleasure and he immediately rectified the situation. Tell her how sexy her face is, and if she still isn’t into it ask her if she thinks its fair that she recieves when you don’t. I don’t think you should give oral to a partner that won’t do the same.

  17. i love giving head! my bf dont mind it and if i ask him, he will without second thought, becuase he wants to please me, just as i want to please him. i dont get as much pleasure recieving, but more when i give. i proboably have second thoughts about dating a boy if they ‘refuse’ entirley to go down on me. i suppose i would think they are gay or unexperienced. And it would be a BIG turn off if they do not return the favour for me, becuase i would see it as biast and a pretty selfish relationship. i suppose us women prefer recieving need to find a man who does, and dump the ones who dont haha!

  18. in addition to my above post He used to go down on me when we first got together and suddenly it stopped and so did the fingering. so now i ask any of you that are willing to help wtf is wrong with him what do i do dr phil any one HELP

    1. Talk to him directly. Try to take the emotion out of your voice but use appropriately sad eyes. Tell him that it feels like he doesn’t respect you since he doesn’t take time for your pleasure. Tell him that sex makes you feel like he doesn’t care about you and your needs and it’s hard to look forward to it anymore. Ask him why he changed.

  19. my husband wont go down on me he claims he dont like it. and supposingly never has when i tell him this is affecting our marriage as i just did like 2 seconds ago he said ” god thanks for being so understanding” as if I should just let it go. then he gets all but hurt when i say baby i need more in the bedroom im getting bored. I have tried everything under the sun to get him to go south on me he just wont do it this makes me feel like it is me and like i smell or taste bad and for the record I dont this i know cuz i have smelled it and tasted it in my own personal play time. there fore I now cant help but think that maybe he in the past cheated on me and performed oral on her and now wont on me cuz he is racked with guilt and wont tell me tht is what happened. this is going to wind up ending my marriage or im gonna wind up having an affair to get the oral pleasure that I need and desire. WTF do i do I am so lost I cant take it any more my options are divorce or affair it is that simple and this i have recently come to terms with. can n e one out there help me please. before I make a decision out of haste. and it winds up being the wrong decision

  20. As a male, I feel embarassed and ashamed at the attitude of guys like Hotchkiss… If you are in a relationship with a girl, it assumes that you care about her, and if you care about her then you want to please her. A relationship – sexual or otherwise – is about give and take, sometimes you do end up doing things you don’t particularly want to but then it works both ways.

    From a personal point of view, I initially wasn’t keen on going down on a girl, but I stuck at it, and as I did it more and got better at it (well, I hope I have!!!:o) ) the more I have enjoyed it, in particular seeing the response of the woman I’m with. I totally agree with many of the responses that have looked on oral sex as not just foreplay but part of the main event, it is a very intimate act which shows you want to give pleasure to the recipient.

    As long as any woman I am with lets me, I will more than happily continue to improve my skills at giving oral sex. Thank you, ladies! :o)

  21. Hotchkiss, make excuses much?

    You said:”but on the subject of taste how many of you women are wiling to swallow semen?” Um, yeah. All the time.It isn’t a big deal. So what? (And My Man tells me that it is totally possible to give a woman oral sex without swallowing, if you don’t want to swallow (he usually CHOOSES to) if you do it RIGHT. He’s been at it for more than 25 years, virtually daily, so I’m guessing he knows more about than a guy who NEVER gives any.).

    My husband thinks giving and getting oral sex is the “funnest” thing in the world. In fact, he says he’d rather give it than get it (but he won’t turn down a BJ and I’m always happy to oblige.)

    The women who say they don’t climax from PIV intercourse are right, less than 10% of women can orgasm from penis in vaginal intercourse.

    Even if they can, just plain PIV with no frills is….repetitive. There so much more to Good Sex than just sticking it in, pumping a few times and him getting to orgasm. SO so so so much more.

    Sad you feel differently.

    My Man has said he would never stay with a woman who isn’t into oral (as well as a hell of a lot of other stuff) and I have to agree, dropped a boy I in HS and college who was pussiphobic, too.

    Have you tried a dental dam? That will eliminate the “smell” you keep talking about. (Funny, in well over 20 years, I’ve never heard my man mention a THING about smell. Maybe because he KNOWS what a woman is supposed to smell and taste like……sex.)

  22. To be honest with you, I would KILL for my boyfriend to go down on me. I shave *every* day, wash myself twice a day, and I’m willing to pretty much do anything. As long as it doesn’t involve another man, woman, or animal I’m usually up for it. For the life of me, I *cannot* get my boyfriend to go down on me. He says he doesn’t like the taste, and doesn’t even want to try flavored lubes. What’s up with this???

  23. Guys that dont do are so lame. They like getting it. but do not recpricate. Here is the deal: if you dont like giving it -then you should have no expectation of getting any. Man or woman. But keep in mind that when you are not getting the essential thing that makes you happy and bonds you with your lover-you will evenutally become disinterested in them. You will not be satisfied and that is a crack in the foundation for someone else to enter the picture.

    For all of those people that like getting and giving oral sex -stand on this side of the room-and the rest of you are on your own. (lol)

  24. LATE response, but vegetarians DO taste better.
    I am a vegeteraian and I went down on my vegetarian boyfriend at the time and I was caught off guard at how seriously *delicious* it was.
    Never would I ever categorize semen as delicious, but this was.

  25. I’m a man and i’ll be honest I do not enjoy giving oral sex to women. Theres to many variables and its a enclosed location which = sweat, stds, weird smells, and eggs… hmmmmm uh no

  26. wow so far all people here have just been bashing anyone that stands up and says i don’t like giving oral or my man doesn’t like/ doesn’t do it, and that’s a bunch of crap if you ask me who are all of you to tell other people what they like and or don’t like there are just as many women who refuse sexual act as men. my gf wont give me head so in return i don’t go down on her. i also agree with misspiggy’s man we pretty much do 98% of the work and you just lay there and many of you even have the audacity to complain about not climaxing or it not feeling good and you want oral well talk about unfairness we work our asses off for what(it’s certainly not for ourselves where as it may feel good men can come very easily period we don’t require oral) for you to complain that we don’t do something that you want? that’s more selfish then anything else i can think of so before you start condemning men for not doing something look at the situation look how much more we do for you already and maybe try to tilt the scales a little more before you even think about complaining whether to his face or not. other then that little rant (sorry i don’t mean to offend anyone i just get worked up over stuff like that) i personally dislike both smell and taste of a woman but I’m still willing to deal with it and or find a way around it so to all of you men who use that as an excuse you know full well that there are ways around it that goes for women too if you know your man doesn’t like the taste there are edible body creams made just for that(and that works for both smell and taste so i recommend them) go get some and suggest that he try it or if you are uncomfortable with using those types of things there are candies that your guy can eat that have a strong enough flavor to completely block pretty much any other taste i personally use warheads hard candies and have had great results not only do i not taste it it also makes your mouth water so if your girl doesn’t “get wet” easily or whatever it’ll help you to provide lubrication without spitting on her because many women dislike that. . . . a lot and i agree that’s wrong to do there are other ways to accomplish the same thing, but on the subject of taste how many of you women are wiling to swallow semen? not many im guessing since i have had multiple partners and not one was willing to do so, where as men giving oral don’t really have a choice in the matter your fluids are getting in our mouths period and we reflexively swallow so we can continue (more food for thought). as for smell like i said body creams work wonders but if that’s not enough try something a little more adventurous like sex in a hot tub or pool therefor providing underwater oral to eliminate that as a possibility if that’s not a possibility incense in large quantity as well as candles (the type of thing you see in cheap pornos with the foggy room that they go into although corny as hell it’s actually extremely arousing for a guy because the first thing trough his head is that porno he saw when he was twelve, sex is on the mind) work to help eliminate scents as well but i would strongly advise discussing it with your partner first using myself as an example i cant breathe with so much smoke in the air and we had to spend almost 3days airing the room out before the smell went away no on to my directory comments
    @ emandlo: not gonna lie you are being extremely hypocritical with william although i do see your point he probably should have moderated himself but you allowed many people to bash anyone that says they don’t like giving it so it’s rather unfair that you singled him out in this since we’re all supposed to be adults about this

    @ carol: so you are claiming that a woman is not directly stimulated during sex i find that extremely hard to swallow maybe you should look more into the way you have sex then rather then condemning men who don’t give oral

    @ expecting: well you got your name’s sake already so I’m not gonna chew you out but i would at least recommended you try it at least once with a girl you are really into who knows you may have the opposite effect that you think you may really like it or at least you could learn ways to tolerate it as i have anyways you should always at least try something once that being said i also feel that women should be willing to try anal with there men it’s more then just sex that becomes a trust thing “do you trust your man to be gentle enough with anal?” but if the man has little to no experience with it you should do some research before you do it otherwise injury could occur and you’ll probably lose her trust for life

  27. Anal sex can be extremely painful, can actually cause injury if done wrong, and could possibly result in a humiliating “accident.”

    For these reasons I reject the anal/oral comparison. I can be with a woman who doesn’t want it in the butt, enjoy that though I do. No oral though? No way. Make an effort.

  28. Wow! oral sex is certainly not about power since both parties receive and give willingly with no games involved (probably from the excitement of the performance)and the fact that you think so says to me you are immature since, as you claim, you have had no damaging psychological experiences with this topic or you are a liar which still comes down to a problem psychologically with lying.

    Of course women love to have a man put both his lips and tongue on their clitoris labia vagina or whatever part there can be!

    when you have showered, douched, shaved (no fun for women by the way guys way more delicate than weed whacking around the flag pole), dressed, stimulated, waited for the right time, till he’s not tired, till he’s fed, till it’s the weekend, when you have exhausted every possibility it comes down to selfish, uncaring, lack of respect, bad attitudes.

    women run from this type of man he is a game player and is only into himself and always will be no matter how he sugarcoats it.

  29. I’m a guy who doesnt like giving oral.

    I hear alot about guys being either selfish, gay, or psychologically dammaged. i am not.

    I enjoy recieving oral sex but frankly i prefer vaginal sex and if oral was to be an exchange kind of item, i have on more than one occasion made it abundantly clear that i dont expect it at all if im not giving it. i usually cant climax just from oral. and i’ve had it happen on occasion that it takes so long to get me going with oral that it basically kills the mood.

    I would never say a woman who didn’t like getting anal was gay, sexualy selfish or abused as a child. I would never put anal sex as a non-negotiable item.

    in my opinion oral sex is about power. lots of people are into sexual power games, and thats fine. but im not. I’ll play a part sometimes if thats what my girlfreinds want. but its not something im into. and i see oral sex that way, its about using someone else for your pleasure. I don’t find any intimacy in it. maybe others do, in not saying there isnt, but what makes it a turn off for me is thats how i feel about it.

  30. My husband has never been into giving oral sex. It’s sometimes disappointing but it’s just not for him & I understand….kinda lol He has never liked it before me & when we first got together he made it clear to me that it would be a rare occasion. Once in awhile he’ll decide to do it but usually it’s when I’m coming out of the shower, we are REALLY in the moment or he’s been drinking. Def. not enough though. I know I’m very clean & I shower usually twice a day. Also hair is NOT a issue at all for me; very well groomed!! My previous bf’s were into it. I just think that most guys like going down on a woman but there is def. a select few that are just not into it. I like to give & it doesn’t kill me that he doesn’t always return because I get worked up enough just giving him head.

  31. @Johnny, YAY for your girlfriend and all us proud rimmers. 😀

    For future reference: chocolate frosting works way better than chocolate sauce. 🙂

  32. Thanks Em & Lo. That’s a story I generally don’t share, cause it’s gross, but I’ve never been so prompted to before.

    Since I already told the main bit… it all began when I took my little lady to Max Brenner. There she saw a syringe full of chocolate. She looked at the syringe and grinned, then looked at me. Then looked back at the syringe, grinning, and looked back at me.

    I said, “NO.” She said, “Yessss!”

    Anyway, it was a a mess, and there’s one hotel in Manhattan that I don’t think we’re welcome at anymore.

  33. Personally, I find it really unfortunate that people don’t link to pictures of aforementioned activities, because, you know, a picture is worth a thousand words, and all that… 🙂

  34. For the record, readers, normally we would delete a comment as lame-ass as William’s — we consider ourselves the benevolent dictators of this site and that kind of immature BS isn’t welcome around here. This is a forum for adults to discuss issues, respectfully and intelligently. However, we think that BC and especially Johnny’s responses are so awesome that we are going to leave the entire conversation as-is.

  35. As a matter of fact, pervert that my girlfriend is, she once did EXACTLY that, William. The chocolate sauce thing.

    What a boring sex life you must have.

  36. And of course, @William, as a straight man, the idea of a woman going down on you is just as repulsive and you would *never* consider the idea, right? Because what’s good for the gander is good for the goose…

    And the vagina is in no way comparable to the rectum, just so you know.

  37. As a straight guy, I can’t think of anything more disgusting that to lick a vajaja. Puke !
    Not for all the tea in China.
    I’ve never tried it and don’t plan to, ever. I think it would put me off seafood for life.

    What’s wrong with men? Sure we are mammals, but I see no reason to take it to the next level.

    I cannot understand statements like “If your bf won’t do it then dump him!”
    If this is what women really think, then no wonder so many end up as single mothers or with men not worth their salt (no pun intended )
    Perhaps I’m missing something (as I’ve no experience with this issue), but the idea of licking a p*ssy just makes my stomach turn. Comments such as “It tastes great” don’t convince me either, if some bloke put chocolate sauce on his rectum would you toss his salad? I didn’t think so.
    I’m not having a go folks, I just think there are more important priorities in life, especially when it comes to choosing a partner.

  38. I LOVE that “… many guys are just too anxious to get to sex.”

    So, following you closely here: it’s not sex when it’s the WOMAN being directly stimulated.

    Uh-huh. I’ll be REAL sure to check you out on Facebook.

  39. Wow, I look forward to my next partner/ GF. There is nothing better than going down on a women. 99.9% That is where I work my way to after kissing, rubbing, exchanging. I head south. It is a place in the sun, the greatest place to go. My soon to be ex, never took care of me down there. That being said. The next will. And I will don’t care hair or no hair (prefer hairy) I will give her my best. I think it brings you closure to your lover. And that is why your together in the 1st place. And the occasional odor (we are human). Once you get past the smell, you got it licked. I mean within natural reason, respect your partner. Go shower together, then move on from there. My tongue never goes limp.

  40. Yeah, I guess there are worse things than smelling like cleaning products…
    Although I hear vegetarians taste better, maybe PETA could work that into their next ad campaign?

  41. @Madamoiselle L
    “Semen smells, too, and that is NEVER a reason not to give a man a BJ.”

    Although, let’s be honest, ML, it would be SO much better if it tasted like a soy latte… 🙂

  42. misspiggy, if that works for you, that’s fine. But, according to many sexperts, only 12% or so of women are capable of multiple orgasms, and even then, most of us who are capable don’t climax EVERY TIME we have any type of sex. I am glad you are capable of multiples, (it rocks, doesn’t it?) but even with being able to have multiples, MOST women can’t get to the first one without oral. FEW women regularly orgasm from intercourse alone. A few, but most of them don’t all the time, and oral feels SO different. It’s like he’s at the CORE of your being. Amazing.

    Have you tried a dental dam or just plain plastic wrap? IMO, a grown man should not only tolerate the fine aroma of a nice pussy, but should CRAVE it. I know My Man does. Maybe Your Man just needs some desensitization therapy. Meaning the MORE he does it, the easier it gets. A clean women doesn’t smell BAD, she just smells like a women. Semen smells, too, and that is NEVER a reason not to give a man a BJ. *shrug* If YOU are happy with NO oral, I guess it works. It would be a deal breaker for many of us, though.

    I can have multiples, but I know I am happy if I climax every other or every 3rd time. (Used to be more often, but things change when you mature.)

    As you get older, you may decide you want more out of sex. IMO, the “Ew, it’s gooey and it smells funny.” Doesn’t cut it as an “excuse” not to go Down Town for most women.

    Your mileage may vary.

  43. Mine thinks it’s not fair that in intercourse I get to lay there and have multiple orgasms while he does most of the work and gets just one – so for him oral is kind of making up the balance! I would have saved some heartache if I had accepted early on that we have very different smell preferences – I love his smell and much prefer going down on him some time after he’s showered, whereas he has an ultra-sensitive schnozz and is just not one for body smells. If I had accepted that, and not taken it as personal rejection of my lady bits, I would have been more comfortable building him-on-me oral into our sexual routine – now it just makes me too uncomfortable. So, yes, oral should be non-negotiable for both partners, but the ‘preferences’ conversation around bathing, shaving and all the rest should be had early on, with a reasonable agreement worked out and adhered to, and nobody being allowed to get upset.

  44. truthfully, I’m female, and I’d rather give than get, especially if the guy is willing to make a little noise or otherwise show appreciation…..

  45. I do enjoy going down on my wife. We ussually keep it very clean, always taken shower before. The only problem is that my wife is not always into it. Most she likes is twise a month or so. I would mine doing it evry time. Any ide how i can encorage her to have oral more often.

  46. Hey, Chris, thanks for clearing that up! It’s so hard to relate tone in a post on the internet. I know I’ve been sarcastic online before (me?) and it was taken as my real feelings. I understand. I agree with most of what you said.

    Yeah, and fuck O’Reilly. The fascist. 🙂

  47. Okay…”boyzilian”, “gonazzling”, “no spin zone”…this site definitely needs a glossary! You know what they say, Anathema: no pain…no ball sucking (or something like that) Your boyfriend must be buying stock in wax right about now 🙂

  48. My boyfriend has in fact gotten a “boyzilian” a couple of times. The first time, he was at a home spa party with the girls, we sort of dared him . . . and while of course it hurt (I’ve been getting Brazilians for years, so I’m used to the pain) he loooooved the results. Like the fact that I couldn’t stop sucking his balls. Don’t get me wrong, I give him attention even when he’s furry, but something about that smooth skin is irresistible.

  49. Ok, ok, I’m taking a digital beating here and I think it’s just a case of bad humor writing.

    1. A “no spin zone” is a complete shave or wax, bald. I did invent the term while writing this post and have become quite fond of it. (Plus, fuck Bill O’Rielly.) For the record, this is my favorite configuration, but there is no requirement.

    2. A Vagazzling is indeed jeweled decorations of the pubis area, and I, like all of you, think it is ridiculous. I would laugh in the face, or nether region, of any girl that turned out to have one. I was KIDDING. Jesus. (But I would definitely consider Gonazzling if requested.) (Full disclosure: I kind of love Jennifer Love Hewitt, who first announced her vagazzling on TV making it instantly popular, so I would hold my laughter and give her some great oral sex.)

    3. The premise of the question was that many/most women are complaining that they are not getting enough oral sex and wanted to know why men don’t love it. My response first explained that I do love it (which seems to be the consensus here among the male responders) and therefore was trying to offers suggestions for additional motivation to your partner(s). None of my suggestions are requirements.

    4. For the record, I don’t wax down there, but I am generally very well-groomed. I haven’t experienced the pain of the waxing, but I do understand the inconvenience, the itching, and the discomfort that come from the near instant stubble after grooming. I also know what a typical response is to my well-groomed area, and I can assure you it is better than full-grown bush. Plus, I need all the help I can get in the perceived-size department. (see an earlier post about manscaping.)

    5. I am in complete agreement with Madamoiselle L and her partner about oral being the “Main Event” rather than foreplay. Sex is great, but the level of control that you both get from oral can’t be matched. Oral can be an amazing experience on its own, and is indeed the “funnest part.”

    5. It really does sound like some of you need some oral sex ASAP. Shut your laptops right away and go get some…

  50. I agree that going down can be an aquired taste. But it is always easier to get a guy to go down an a clean body. I have had a standing 2 directional rule with every girlfiend i have ever had: either of us is allowed to request the other to wash up before being expected to go down on the other, The one being asked to wash up is not to take offense, as it is for purely for hygenic, and comfort reasons.
    The request has been used both directions. as much as i prefer my girlfriend to be clean when i go down. I am sure she also appreciates me only being dirty in a figurative manner.

    That being said. I LOVE going down, and everything about going down, taste, texture, smell, and the ability to know I’ve done a good job at it. I have always loved it, and always will.
    I have on many occasions, when turned down for sex at night because she is tired, offered to help her sleep by going down on her until she drifts off, with no strings attached.

    I love lots of hair, little hair, no hair, heck the vagazeling would be fun too.

    Most of the women I know, enjoy changing their hairstyle up top, why not do the same down below? Have fun with it!! try dying your hair, go clean shaven, grow it out, trim designs into it, you can even try and braid it, a perm may be a bit silly, but whatever else you can think of is great

  51. If a guy did not want to go down on me, he certainly would not be getting any sex from me in the future, plus I would not even consider getting into a relationship with him. Any woman that smells bad either practices bad hygiene or genuinely has some sort of vaginal bacterial infection which could be cleared with one trip to the doctor. Guys that will not go down on a girl for any other reason are bad in bed, young, sexually selfish, or all three.

  52. Okay, I just checked, and “no spin zone” isn’t even in Urban Dictionary (all they have are entries pertaining to Bill O’Reilly…?!)so I’m thinking Chris may want to head over there and give them an update.

    You know, I think Chris was just looking for some answers to the question, not trying to offend people who are committed to being “au naturel.” This is so personal…some people enjoy the natural odors a body produces, some don’t…it’s not right or wrong, just personal preference, and I don’t think you should jump all over someone for admitting their preferences. (Personally, I find my husband much more appealing when he’s just out of the shower, body odor is definitely not a turn on for me…and don’t get me started on nut odor…soap is cheap, and Armani deodorant smells yummy, mmm.) Pubic hair (his)gets in the way and is one less-appealing part of a blow job, honestly, who likes to stop and pull that hair out of the back of your throat? Again, this is all personal preference: I like to shave, have clean hair, pedicures, etc., and I have friends who don’t shave anything and don’t use deodorant, and their husbands obviously are fine with it. I guess the trick is ending up with someone who shares your preferences.

    I, too, would like to see a picture of Chris getting “gonazzled,” and propose Em&Lo start taking up donations for the cause… 🙂

  53. While the opinions of the Wise Guys are not necessarily the opinions of us, we will say this: when we edited Chris’s answer, we added the parenthetical about the guy being willing to do the same since we know Chris actually does take his own genital grooming very seriously and would go totally bare (if he doesn’t already) if a partner asked him to. However, our placement of the parenthetical may have been poor and probably should have come after the no spin zone (i.e. no hair zone) remark and not the vagazzling bit. Although, again, we would not put gonazzling past Chris if it were politely requested of him by someone he adored — he’s a pretty adventurous guy. But we’ll have to see if we can get Chris over here to defend himself.

  54. I’ve never had a problem with guys going down on me although I have to admit that some of them haven’t been very skilful.
    It could also be a confidence thing, I mean there are a few guys who still don’t know how to find the “man in the boat” let alone know just which buttons to press.
    Personally I like to instruct because lets face it, if you don’t tell him what works how is he to know he’s doing it right.
    Practice makes perfect and it’s a lot of fun learning. 🙂

  55. I’ve only met a couple guys ever who claim to really not like giving girls oral.

    But almost all guys I’ve discussed it with have at some point stammered, “uh… I’m, uh, just not into that…” because something was off down there.

    Like it was smelly. Or hairy. I know no one likes to hear that, but there is such a thing as smelly pussy and over-hairiness. Yes, I know that balls can get just as stinky. Which is why I’ve at times REJECTED oral when I wasn’t appropriately showered.

    Jen’s 48 hours per shower advice? Wrong. That’s sufficient to keep the plague away, but not to make oral appealing. Men and women, keep clean if you want people to go down on you, fer chrissake.

  56. Chris said: “I don’t know if there’s a secret. Ladies, keep things nice and trim down there: consider going with a complete “no spin zone” or maybe even a vajazzling to try to drum up some interest. (He should do be willing to do the same for you.)” END QUOTE

    SO, Chris, buddy……when you have YOUR pubic hair ripped out by the roots, and let some chick hot glue gun rhinestones to YOUR pubis, would you please let Em&Lo post the pic? I, for one, would do a “pay for view” on that. 😉

    Uh, what’s a “no spin zone?”

  57. Jen, You are Hilarious! I agree completely. “I haven’t yet met a man who wouldn’t go into gales of hysterical laughter at a ‘vajazzled’ spot.”

    My Man just stared when I showed him the pic, and said, “Dear God, please tell me you are NOT going to do that.” I’m not, he has no reason to fear. Then he said, “I can’t help thinking one of those things would be going INTO the hole in my dick, or what if I swallowed one, or broke a tooth on one?” LOL! He has no reason to worry. This lady ain’t gonna have no rhinestones hot glue gunned to her freshly denuded Pubic Mons.

    Cleanliness is certainly important. But, I agree, oral sex isn’t “an option” it’s often “the main event” in our bedroom, and NEVER left out. Never quite understood the word “foreplay.” Intercourse is great, amazing, often, but it isn’t the ONLY thing to do in bed. The Man says going down is “the funnest” thing to do. I happily reciprocate and agree. Neither of us are squeamish about bodily fluids, because neither of us are 14….

    Good for you for finally stepping up to the Plate, Lee! See what you were missing? Same goes for all those women who “don’t want to put that Thing in my mouth.” C’mon, grow up. It’s “the funnest thing.”

  58. As a man, it is certainly an acquired taste. Initially, I avoided it like the plaque although women often presented the possibility, but now it is the best thing since sex was invented for me.

    It probably takes love and patience on the woman’s part to get to the goal. Ditto for the men.

  59. If you keep yourself at least relatively clean (shower at least every 48 hours), then giving oral sex shouldn’t be an option for most straight guys- it’s part of the sexual package. In my experience, the guys who don’t like going down with a female are just pretty selfish (or gay- nothing wrong with that, unless you’re sleeping with a woman) – they’re assuming that they give every woman multiple orgasms with their dixie stick, and don’t worry about it past that as long as they get to spurt wonder juice into the holy grail. I haven’t yet met a man who wouldn’t go into gales of hysterical laughter at a ‘vajazzled’ spot.

    If your partner is young or inexperienced or just plain squeamish, give them tactful and enthusiastic feedback about what they are doing right. “Do that more!” is much more helpful than “Loser…can’t you tell that it’s a millimeter to the right?” Saying “I deep throat that thing even if you haven’t washed for a week” isn’t helpful at the moment, no matter how true it may be.

    I’m not quite getting how oral sex is an option…missionary position sometimes gets a little stale, and anal is at least one step up on the kinky scale from oral. Every man that you let ‘get away’ with not doing oral is a man that’s going to be disappointing numerous women in the future when it comes to sex, so do your fellow women a favour and make it a non-negotiable thing.

  60. Wow, that’s helpful. So all guys DO like going down, and if a guy doesn’t, it’s because of a lack of “personal hygiene” on the woman’s part, and she should consider a VAJAZZLING? Are you effing kidding?

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