3/18/11
Your Call: Is She Justified in Cheating on Her Boyfriend?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:

Dear Em & Lo,

The guy I started dating 8 years ago was (and is) an awesome guy.  He was basically everything I ever wanted out of a guy, and more.  The problem always has been that we almost never have sex.  We have sex 4 times a year if I’m lucky… let’s just say I got laid more when I was single.  There’s nothing wrong with the equipment, he just has a low sex drive.

Moreover, he’s not the same guy I started dating.  He’s become like a 10 year old boy.  He never wants to go anywhere, he just wants to play video games.  He’s become a massive workaholic, we never do anything fun together.  And, quite honestly, I think that he would have sex with me if he had to do it for work.

I stopped initiating sex as of about 2 years ago, because I didn’t want to be rejected any more. We’ve tried everything that we can think of.  The few times a year he does feel like having sex, it’s boring.  Worse, he doesn’t even shower, or brush his teeth during the weekend so we can’t do anything spontaneous.

Clearly, I’m going to break up with him, but not until I get disability (I really can’t work)… and this makes me a terrible person.  Also, I really want to have sex with other people, which definitely makes me a terrible person.  But doesn’t withholding sex kind of make him selfish and shitty, too?  I know 2 wrongs don’t make a right, but I HAVE to get laid.  I’d love to hear what you guys & The Peanut Gallery have to say…

— Blue Box

What should BB do?

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14 Comments on "Your Call: Is She Justified in Cheating on Her Boyfriend?"

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Spes
Spes
5 years 5 months ago

Wait. Just wait it out. If you cheat on him, no matter how justified you may feel or possibly are, you’ll never be able to remove that taint of having cheated from your self-image and reputation. Sex just isn’t worth that kind of damage.
Also, get out that relationship as soon as possible. It’s not working, and continuing to ‘kick the dead horse’ is only going to leave you with a broken foot.

Yilianne
Yilianne
5 years 5 months ago

personally i think that if you really love someone, you wont cheat on them no matter what. maybe you should try going to a therapist or try something to increase his sex drive. if you no longer want to be with him the break up with him but dont stay with him to cheat on him.

Geezer
Geezer
5 years 5 months ago

Maybe in his mind he is doing the noble thing by taking care of you even though he is no longer sexually attracted to you anymore. Be an adult about it and tell him all of your thoughts and feelings and let the cards fall where they may. Honesty is always the best policy. Maybe he will be into it and could be the start of a new adventure. You’ll never know until your up front and honest. If you go have sex with someone else you will be adding to your problem.

Ramona
Ramona
5 years 5 months ago
I feel as though he is resenting you. All of the specifics are not here, but…how long have you not been bringing an income into the house? Have you never and him becoming a workaholic to pay massive bills that you help accrue? Perhaps his escape is the video games? Perhaps he wants to disgust you into not wanting him and leaving him yourself because he would feel massive guilt for making a disabled person with no income have to make it on their own? Cheating is never an option. And you want him to pay your way until you… Read more »
monkeysee1018
monkeysee1018
5 years 5 months ago
OMG. Are you kidding? It is never okay to cheat. EVER. And the fact that you are contemplating it just shows you have no respect for yourself or him. So what if he doesn’t want to have sex. There is so much more to a relationship than sex. And from reading your post, you come across as a selfish and self centered person anyway and quite honestly, that’s not a turn on. Maybe he doesn’t have a low sex drive, maybe he’s just not turned on by you. Your shifting all the blame to him when your responsible for the… Read more »
jazzmina22
jazzmina22
5 years 5 months ago
Cheating is never okay. Never. Its not (just) about what you would be doing to him, its what you would be doing to yourself. Cheating is compromising your moral self so deeply. This guy will hopefully be your past soon, and the last thing you want to take with you into your new-found freedom is always having to justify a sleazy exit strategy. And when you love and trust someone else in the future, don’t you want to be able to say that you’ve never cheated? That you were strong and held onto yourself when your partner ceased to respect… Read more »
May
May
5 years 5 months ago

Is he by chance under or overweight? Diabetes can cause lose of sex drive and so could thyroid disorders. They could also explain the personality change. This probably sounds mundane but I would try to bring it up one last time.

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