10 Considerations for Adult Virgins Who Date

We often get advice questions from virgins (usually straight and female) asking how long they can make a guy wait, if it’s realistic to hold out for the right person, and whether or not there are straight non-virgin guys out there who are willing to wait. To them, we offer these 10 inquisitive ruminations on virginity for their consideration:

  1. Go with God (if that’s your thing). Are you a virgin for religious purposes? Are you waiting until marriage to have intercourse because you believe that’s what God desires? If so, then you should probably only be dating people within your religion who share the same belief system. If you’re unsure whether someone you’re interested in subscribes to the same religion/shares the same beliefs, then you should make your beliefs known and find out theirs within the first date. No use falling in love with someone who’s eventually going to hell. If you’re a virgin just waiting for the right person, read on…
  2. Thinking of sex as something sacred, meaningful and important definitely has its merits. Non-virgins would do well to take sex a little more seriously — at least sometimes. Getting to know someone, figuring out your emotional compatibility, and learning about their sexual history and health status are all smart steps in the progression of a mature relationship that are almost always better taken before, rather than after, sex. Less heartbreak, less risk of infections, and more emotional satisfaction. Good on you. 
  3. You have nothing to be ashamed of, so don’t be coy about your beliefs. If and when it comes up, be honest. It’s uncool to lead someone on who’s sexually attracted to you, just to get them to stick around longer than they might otherwise (in the hopes of them falling hopelessly in love with you and having no choice but to wait forever…an unlikely scenario).
  4. Sexuality is a normal part of being human. And sex is something that is often shared by people who care about each other — in fact, sex is one of the many ways that that care can be expressed. The majority of adults enjoy sex with a partner they’re dating, especially if they’re in a serious, committed relationship. It’s one of the perks of being in that kind of relationship! So just as you expect to put off sex (perhaps indefinitely), understand — and respect — that almost all of the people you date (unless they’re conservatively religious) expect sex to happen, if not within a few dates, at the very least once you establish a committed, caring relationship together. 
  5. There’s no one right perspective. Because most people want their loving relationships to include sex, you should expect a lot of potential partners to not want to wait for you. Them not wanting to wait is not a personality flaw, just as your wanting to wait isn’t either. These are preferences — just as yours need to be respected, so do theirs. 
  6. Be realistic about your odds. Because the chances of finding an adult who’s willing to forgo sex — at least for an extended or indefinite amount of time — are much slimmer than your chances of finding someone who wants sex in any given American population (outside of Evangelical circles), you should expect more rejection than the average dater. You should probably plan on going on more dates than the average dater, too, just so you can up your chances of finding someone who will wait. Finally, because most adults are interested in sex, those willing to wait might have higher rates of sexual hangups, insecurities or disinterest — which would not bode well for a first time. 
  7. Do NOT to do anything you don’t want to do — it’s that simple. You’ll feel better if you stay true to yourself without someone than you’ll feel if you get pressured into betraying yourself WITH someone. And don’t buy any lame excuses from them about everyone else doing it, sexual frustration (i.e. blue balls/blue box), doing it for love, or doing it for your country. That said, make sure you haven’t built this one act up in your mind into an impossible ideal that can never be attained. 
  8. Sex is not just intercourse. It’s mutual attraction, arousal and often satisfaction, gained in myriad ways: kissing, heavy petting, hand work, oral, mutual masturbation, phone sex, and playing around with toys. Just because none of this is penile penetration doesn’t mean it’s not sex. If you’re engaging in any of it, with or without clothes, you are sexually active. Be sure you’re not buying into this antiquated notion that part of your worth as a person is somehow tied to your intact hymen (or, if you’re a straight guy, that’s it tied to never having poked a hymen with your dick).
  9. Everything is relative. Expecting someone to wait 3 years when you’re 15 is fine. Expecting someone to wait 3 years when you’re 25, or worse, 35 (when childbearing limits start to come into play), is not so fine. We mean, you can certainly ask them to wait that long, but you can’t demand it.
  10. Consider the law of diminishing returns. The longer you wait, the more expectations you’ll have, thus the greater your chances of being disappointed. The longer you wait, the less novelty your virginity will have for partners, the less (and less longer) they’ll be willing to wait. The longer you wait, the more frightening and/or overwhelming the prospect of intercourse will be, the more you’ll start to avoid it entirely, even if you do find a worthy partner. The longer you make a person wait, the more that person has sacrificed for you, the more they may start to harbor resentment for sexy time lost. The longer you wait, the older you’ll get, the less flexible, taut, pert, and wrinkle-free you’ll be. We’re not saying not to wait until you’re ready, we’re just saying that waiting is not without its own risks (just like having sex with abandon has its own risks). 

Need convincing to cash in your V-Card?
“Top 10 Cons of Being a Virgin” 


  1. I’m a involuntary 57 year old virgin. I am a shy person and I find it difficult to talk to people in general especially women. Plus I’ve never been around womenn very much. I’m not religious and I’m not saving myself for someone special. I just never had the opportunity. I guess I could have paid for it but beyond the legal and health risks I think if the only way I ever got to have sex with a woman was paying for it that would make me feel even more useless than I feel already. Having a 4″ penis that doesn’t want to get hard anymore doesn’t help much. Why any woman would be a virgin past the age of 18 is beyond me. If you’re a virgin and really want to lose it contact me.

  2. What if every time I try to lose my virginity, the guy freaks out and runs for the door when he finds out I’m a virgin? Should I just lie to get it over and done with?! I’m so over this.

Comments are closed.