5 Good Reasons Not to Fake Your Orgasm

by Amanda Chatel for YourTango

You’re really not as good at it as you may think you are.

It has long been one of those discussions that comes up both in and out of the bedroom: are you faking it or not? Faking an orgasm, that is. Sadly there are actually those out there who end up faking it quite a bit.

Whether it’s to please their partner, convince themselves they’re enjoying it, or they want to speed up the whole process, because sometimes you just don’t have the time, faking it happens pretty often. You may think that your fake orgasms are so great that they’re worthy of an Academy Award but, and I’m sorry to tell you, you’re really not as good at it as you may think you are.

But then again not everyone can pull off the Katz’s Deli scene with Meg Ryan’s famous faux orgasm in When Harry Met Sally.

According to research by Erin Fallis, a Ph.D. student at the University of Waterloo in Canada, your partner is far more “in the know” than you realize when it comes to your sexual satisfaction. As Fallis explains, “We found that, on average, both men and women have fairly accurate and unbiased perceptions of their partners’ sexual satisfaction.”

So there. It doesn’t matter what you might be trying to convey with your moans or even your words, if your partner knows you well enough and can read your emotions, then you’re secret is out.

We asked both men and women what lessons, if any, they had learned from faking it.

Lesson 1: When You’re Caught Lying, It’s Awkward.
“It was a casual thing I had going on with a guy that I never orgasmed with,” says Edie, who claims she usually doesn’t fake it. “But then one night I felt really bad for him and proceeded to moan as if I was having the greatest orgasm of my life.

Afterward he asked me if I had come, and I said yes. He rolled over, looked at me and said, ‘You’re such a liar. Do you really think I could fall for that charade?’ I only saw him once more after that … where I didn’t orgasm and I didn’t fake it.”

Lesson 2: When You’re The One Being Lied To, It’s Even More Awkward.
As Aaron realized, it’s pretty “lame,” to use his word, to be on the other side of that lie.

“Sorry, but I just don’t like lying, especially when I can tell. I called out one girl on her lie, but she just kept denying it over and over until we got into a huge argument about it. It was really pathetic. I know how the female vagina works! Being honest is far sexier.”

Lesson 3: Slightly Faking An Orgasm Can Actually Be Appreciated.
Although Chandra doesn’t believe in faking a full orgasm, as she calls it, she doesn’t mind throwing her partner a bone in the noise department. “Once I acted more into it to help my partner out. It worked. I can’t say he was exactly upset when I told him.

If anything, he thanked me, then helped me reach my climax. Faking it just keeps people from being honest and having a good sex life.”

Lesson 4 Faking It With A One-Stand Is OK.
While Caitlyn agrees that faking it with your partners is just setting up your sex life to be a bummer by reinforcing “the behavior that’s causing you not to get off,” when it comes to a one-night stand things change a bit.

“I’ve only ever faked it with someone I never intended to sleep with again. Why waste time on communication if it’s a hit and run situation? Besides, I’ve found that one-night stands don’t really care anyway.”

Lesson 5: People Are Actually More Concerned With Their Partner’s Pleasure Than Their Own, So Lying Gets Both Parties Nowhere.
Natalie, who’s been in a serious relationship for the past few years, just can’t wrap her brain around why someone would fake it. “I’ve learned that people care more about their partner’s pleasure than their own, so why lie?

Sorry, but if you fake it, you’re just an idiot.

I have never understood this about other women and it makes me really angry that such a concept even exists. I’ve just never even tempted to, and straight-up don’t understand the psychology of it. It seems to be a self-hating psychology, and I’m not comfortable with that.

Just tell him you didn’t—and that can be okay! Because you’re a woman and it’s harder! Duh.” She also continued, “I’m totally convinced that the faking people probably hate their partner. Why would you do that to someone you love? In my experience, they want to know if you’re satisfied or not.”

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