Dear Em & Lo,
About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person for thinking he has a small penis or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve.
–Sizeist
Dear Sizeist,
We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to my partner’s ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?
But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we highly recommend you give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. You’ve heard about society’s unfair expectation that women try to live up to impossible female beauty standards, right? Well, you’re doing the same thing, except with men and their dicks.
First, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is abberantly long; out of 100 men, only 5 will be longer than 6.3 inches! (Was it really 8 inches, or are you just bad at spatial reasoning?) It’s not like 8-inchers grow on trees and you’ve dated a string of giants and have come to discover (pun intended) that only super-sized schlongs can satisfy you. No, you just had one great experience with one rare “8-inch“ penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.
For a start, some men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex. Oral, manual, anal, toys — it’s all good, and in many cases, better! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, for the standard vagina, the majority of sensation is felt and enjoyed in its outer third, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix pummeled with a battering ram).
On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what more extended and extensive sexual interludes are going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?
Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like. This doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options. We suppose you could post a dating profile specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply. But something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience — or the person himself — converts you? He is a human being after all, not a piece of meat.
Size is just a number,
Em & Lo
Size counts to most women, but sure why wouldn’t it! After all it’s a big wet hole! a very big wet hole that is cable of passing a 10pound baby! With a hole that big it’s no wonder woman connect penis size particularly girth size with intercourse performance and vaginal pleasure and gratification. The good news for men most men are average and most men are inadequate, we are far form alone. Mother Nature should have given all men bigger dicks for such a big hole; the average is just too small to gratify most women.
Many people think that men worry about their penis size because they think it’s deeply rooted in the macho male mentality like thinking that all things bigger are better, bigger muscles are better, bigger cars are better, bigger bikes are better est. est, this is not true.
The the real reasons why many males worry about their penis size and when I say size I mean thickness and length, its the fact many woman themselves of all ages constantly fire the message across that when it comes to sexual performance and female pleaser in the bed they make a connection with penis size, particularly making a contention with girth size. It’s the woman themselves that constantly say it! This post is only one example of numerous examples, I could post endless videos of many woman themselves in sex surveys saying size counts and saying bigger is better particularly the girth.
With that kind of message that woman fire across it is no wonder millions of men worry!. I think those woman are telling the truth bigger is superior: if so called skill with fingers and oral was the key to good sex with woman why the heck is penis size such a big god dam issue!. It is it’s a very big issue and the big debate still rages on only proving that they are a very big contention with penis size and female pleasure.
It’s a fallacy for many of the worlds ignorant to compare a mans penis insecurity to a woman’s insecurity such as looks breasts body or butt est. This is not true, a woman that looks like beautiful model with a perfect body and face will feel good about herself, a man that looks like hunky CK1 model that feels that his penis don’t measure up will feel bad about himself and would more than lightly want to trade places with a far less attractive man that is fat ugly or balding with a bigger penis!
The average penis is over 5 and fewer than 6 long and 4.5 to 5 in girth, most men fall in that size range: not very many men are 7 inches and very few men are 8 and 9. my theory is the average size penis is just too small to gratify most woman during intercourse, they are woman that will not tell men this because it will Hurth their feelings, and then they are honest woman that just say it out like this poster.
Don Quixote, my friend you are a very intelligent and eloquent person and I thank you for voicing the truth. I can only add to what you have already said by reiterating that we should not expect to reduce a human being to his/her physical attributes and completely ignore everything else – that would make us mere animals. What makes us human is the ability to appreciate somebody in spite of differences and in some cases physical flaws. E.g. my current girlfriend suffers from insulin-dependent diabetes, anaemia, ovarian cysts and many other diseases. It usually leaves her tired and requires a very strict diet. But I love her and I partake in everything not out of pity but out of love, love that is unconditional and not based on physicality but rather an unexplainable connection and deep deep affection for each other – this is true love, when one human being can care about another regardless of any costs to him in the material sense.
Wonderful comments. Loving someone is not reducing a person to any body part but caring about them as a whole on a special mental and emotional level.
as an owner of a smaller penis (6.5″ really hard) i had to find a way to please my wife since my member wasnt doing it. there are some really awesome books out there and videos plus experiment. tell her to guide you through what she likes….
WOW! all good points of view. i am really impressed with the depth that this conversation has taken from the original post. good job everyone.
now. for everyone here and reading this… opinions are like assholes. everyone has one. period.
the main fact here is that humanity and the cultural diversification of america has led to one centralized and deeply cultivated cognitive distortion.
that is OBJECTIFICATION.
now seriously i would like to invite people to share their ideas about exactly what objectification means to them.
i am of the expressed idea that objectification is the process in which we look at the world around us and size it up to our own perceived needs and make decisions relative to those need patterns. to objectify something takes away its true essence and dynamic, and utilizes the objectified for one sole purpose. to fulfill the objectifiers need.
take beetles from south america. scientists use the beetles for many various reasons. they have found a lot of uses for these beetles in medicine, cosmetics and god knows what else. to objectify a beetle would be to say that the purpose of this beetle is to provide a cure for cancer. or to provide a shade for makeup. however we all know that there could be multiple uses for harvesting beetles. in the same light… think of the movies we have seen so many times where humans are abducted by aliens and used for their bodies, to perform experiments, to use for a water source, their blood, their brains, there cocks… whatever… ha! in doing such elaborate things we have indeed shrunken our perception greatly. indeed humans have a lot more to offer than just our bodies and organs. as do beetles. beetles contribute to an ecological system so great and vast that human scientists are still studying the macrocosm and microcosm, and with limited understanding. and in only harvesting beetles, and removing them from the environment we could cause complete imbalance of the ecological system they inherit.
so… to say that a human is only as good as his penis size… well hrmmpphh. shame on anyone who would ever do such a thing. to do so, now hear this out, is a perfected dehumanization that truly has been developed my modern media. when we contribute such minimalistic ideals within society, not only do we feed the fire of hurt, anger, jealousy, contempt, and not to mention misunderstanding… we feed the fire of modern cultural sexualization of youth. further ingraining the importance of sex, and sexuality in relation to success and social dominance. and by participating in this behavior of objectification, we here by throw the balance of our psychological “ecosystem” off into uncharted territories. we loose the true sense of humanity and empathy that mark homo sapiens as non-animals.
these days the media is the secondary influence of youth. parents are primary. friends are third, and social leaders are fourth. now all of our kids friends secondary influence is media, followed by friends. now the sad thing here is with a parental generation that is secondarily influenced by media, and their friends being influenced the same way, the over all parental influence comes out as the media being on top.
say my name is beth. i am 13. my parents are 30-35. i love mtv. i have tons of friends. we hang out and watch mtv. my parents let me. they grew up on mtv as well. they like what it has to offer. freedom from responsibility and fun in a safe atmosphere. i am now watching mtv, with my friends, talking about mtv with my friends and family, and getting a primary sense of identity through mtv. now as these kids coach, john kemper has a few ways of relating. sports, athletics, hard work in accomplishing goals, and mtv. when everything is said and done, at the end of the day, mtv plays the biggest role in influencing beth.
now. what does mtv have to offer… lots of advertisements for one. hot chicks, and hot dudes for two, and objectifying behavior for three. the advertisements primarily consist of ways to improve your self image. so watching mtv becomes this self numbing process where i no longer have to think of myself as human, but as an object. to be improved upon through body image, social status etc.
when we say things like penis size matters… we categorize humans, and limit potential. we remove the ability for a human to improve or change. we shackle the mind and export this belief through psychosomatics. its like saying hand size matters. truly you all can agree with me on that one. different sized hands are better for performing different duties and tasks. however there are large hands that are very dexterous, and small hands that are clumsy. in the end the mind is what controls the hands of a human. if the mind is shackled and limited, the hands shall be as well. when we free our minds… the rest will follow.
when we were 3 years old it was an impossible feat to drive a car legally. but with age and maturity we grow, and our minds expand and we learn the responsibility of driving. some become race car drivers, and others become accident prone. some race car drivers become accident prone.
with that being said… sex is a great responsibility. with it we hold the feelings, thoughts, behaviors of our fellow man in our hands. we can use it to manipulate, or to embrace and become intimate. we can objectify… or we can understand that sex is small in comparison to the true dynamic of a human being, and use it to more fully understand that human being. when used irresponsibly, sex can harm the psychology of a person, or even kill a person with diseases. sometimes negatively altering the human psyche to the point of committing atrocious acts to fellow humans or themselves. this is truly a powerful subject. partly a reason i suspect the media uses sex as such bargaining chip.
so to our readers, lets take some time, expand our minds, quit focusing so much on such a “small” thing, and pay attention to the greater picture and our role in it.
i know from personal experience that penis size does not matter. i have had sex with a great deal of women. some have experienced huge penises, some tiny. all and all with every woman that i have truly taken the time with to get to know and to genuinely love… there has been no problem pleasing them. women respond much more to psychological stimulation than to vaginal stimulation. every heard of giving a woman an orgasm without even touching her? penis size surely cannot matter in those cases.
i am a musician. i play guitar. i started playing guitar and i had these thoughts that if i had a $1100 dollar guitar that i would be able to learn better, and be able to play to my full potential. now having the loving mother i had, who might i mention wasnt the richest woman in the world… she told me (because she had musical experience herself) that she wasnt going to buy me a 1100 dollar guitar, and instead bought me a 30 dollar garage sale acoustic that didnt stay in tune. she said to me “son i know you want to learn how to play. i am not going to buy you the expensive guitar. understand this though because this is why… if you can take this crappy busted up old guitar that doesnt even stay in tune… and make someone cry by playing a song for them with it… then just imagine what you could do then, with that 1100 dollar guitar. you could change lives boy!”
lets all stop for a second and step outside of ourselves… think about the people around us, and how they contribute to the freedoms and lives we cherish, and give thanks to them. thank them not for their cock size and how they make us feel for 15 minutes at a time, but thank them for the hard work, effort, time, and love that each and every one of us puts forth to make life better for ourselves and for the rest of humanity. simply by showing up for work. buying a can of corn. paying our electric bill. people are all connected just like the web of life, and when we tamper with peoples sexual identity we alter the structure of life and our ability to co-habitat peacefully without restriction. when we shackle our minds where then is the freedom that our forefathers died for? live for love and love for life.
TM
I thought my penis was small and it is about 8″. All this talk about 8″ being big is eye opening. I have never been one to look around in the locker room at the gym. I guess all those guys that claim they have a foot really don’t.
Women are amazing and are far more sexually responsive than men. There are countless ways of and means to please and satisfy women which all contributes to the experience. All people have different views, preferences, desires, openness of opinion etc. That is an amazing and beautiful concept. Some will prefer larger penises and choose not to express this opinion; some will prefer smaller penises and prefer not to express this opinion etc… There is no answer to the penis size debate because there is no definative categorization of what constitutes small or large with regards to penis size. I would bet there are 7 billion differing views on this and how important it realy is. Furthermore, I would argue that a highly skilled, attentive and learnered lover with a 3-6 inch penis could satisfy any women to a far greater extent than a selfish, arrogant lover with a penis 6.1-11+. I am 8.5″ (meaningless, 1 because you only have my word for it, and 2… I would argue with absolute certainty that any lover (including me) worth his salt could please his partner to the optimal level whether he was 3″, 6″, 8.5″, 11″ or any other aubitrary penis measurment). It is essential for a man to please his partner and looking at the biology as well as the emotional complexity of women, I believe this is a task achievable by any man, regardless of the over empathised importance of penis size…
I think my point was, that if anyone insults you in the bedroom (or anywhere else for that matter) you should have confidence in yourself and know that that person does not deserve you and therefore there opinion should not matter. With the guy who wanted a shaven pussy which i wasn’t happy to comply with, the best thing was to go our separate ways, now I’m with a guy who finds me attractive as I want to be and I hope the other guy is happy with a woman who wants to be shaven. My point is, for every woman out there who wants bigger than you’ve got, there will be one who is quite happy with it , and any than vocally express their preference by insulting the man they’re with are probably not exactly the type of woman you want to be with anyway. Know that you deserve better, have confidence in yourself and your abilities as a lover (which isn’t all to do with your cock anyway, a good lover brings their hands, tongue, and most importantly their mind, to the party) and size genuinely won’t be an issue.
People should love us just the way we are without any shallow, superficial conditions.
oh – and by the way – cock size(length) does NOT matter to my current girlfriend BUT how fat(girth) DOES. i can live with her enjoying a fat cock even tho it is not long. may also be too much info – BUT TOO BAD
betty – i have been with women before. my ex(who i fell for because of her brain more than her body – she and i were both geeks – we were both VERY GOOD at building, repairing, upgrading puters – BUT she had a skill i DID NOT have – she made web sites). to me – a womans intelligence is one hell of a sexual attractant. then she started to emotional, mentally and verbally abuse me and she left me scarred. then my ex told me she never did love me and my small cock is why. my current girlfriend is very loving and affectionate and loves me bottomlessly. my current girlfriend is being my anchor AND my strength.
Richard, after those horrible experiences with those shallow, cruel women, I’m so glad you found a wonderful, loving woman in your life. All men like me wish we could get that lucky like you did. Congratulations.
by the way – this may be too much info(tough turds – im posting it anyways) – my girlfriend likes her pussy BALD because it it makes cunnilingus more enjoyable for her(my tounge does a better job hitting the nerve endings w/o any hairs getting in the way)
betty, no offense intended hun – but can you see how i look at it from my point of view and through my eyes? it is just that to my eyes there is a parallel of sorts of how women pick on/insult/degrade men on the basis of the size of their cock and how some(not all) men like pussy shaven, weither it is men insulting and then kicking women to the curb for not shaving their pussy OR women insulting men on the basis of having a small(ish) cock – the result is the same exact same fucking thing – people get very badly emotionally hurt for not either shaving pussy or for having a small cock.
It’s a fair comparison. Body shaming is wrong for either gender. The problem is more men seem to recognize this fact than women.
brian, one’s eventual size has nothing to do with wearing diapers. There is some evidence that long term disposable diaper wearing can impact eventual fertility, due to the heat disposables keep in the diaper. But, size is usually genetically determined, and what happened to you as a baby has nothing to do with it. You are the way you are because of genes, hormones (when they kicked in an the strength and mix of them) and growth factor. I wouldn’t worry about that aspect of your childhood.
Don- might be missing something being a brit… what’s gappedness?????
Richard – the shaving/waxing prejudice is already happening.. An ex, who didn’t last long for reasons that will become clear, expressed the opinion that he wasn’t going down there if i didn’t get rid of the hair. I like my hair and dislike the hairless look (on either sex) and the suggestion made me feel like he couldn’t really fancy me that much if he wanted to change aspects of my appearence so the hair stayed and he was history. ;0) I’m fortunate that i’d been with men before, and am with a wonderful man now who love me as nature intended so my self esteem in that aspect of my appearence could sustain the criticism otherwise it might have given me a bit of a complex as it has with other friends of mine who feel compelled to shave as it’s what many men expect nowadays (I blame porn :0/) rather than because it;s a look they favour for themselves..)
i would not be worried about his penis size that is actually pretty big compared to wut my penis is now i’ve never told anyone this but my honest penis size is only 1 inch soft and like 2 – 2.5 inches when hard so you should be lucky to have 4 inches but doctors say mine is so small because of my exteneded diaper wearing caused my penis to stay the size from birth my 5 year old son has a bigger penis then me (i only know from dressing and bathing him) so 4 inches is not small in my opinion