Dear Em & Lo,
About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person for thinking he has a small penis or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve.
–Sizeist
Dear Sizeist,
We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to my partner’s ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?
But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we highly recommend you give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. You’ve heard about society’s unfair expectation that women try to live up to impossible female beauty standards, right? Well, you’re doing the same thing, except with men and their dicks.
First, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is abberantly long; out of 100 men, only 5 will be longer than 6.3 inches! (Was it really 8 inches, or are you just bad at spatial reasoning?) It’s not like 8-inchers grow on trees and you’ve dated a string of giants and have come to discover (pun intended) that only super-sized schlongs can satisfy you. No, you just had one great experience with one rare “8-inch“ penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.
For a start, some men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex. Oral, manual, anal, toys — it’s all good, and in many cases, better! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, for the standard vagina, the majority of sensation is felt and enjoyed in its outer third, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix pummeled with a battering ram).
On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what more extended and extensive sexual interludes are going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?
Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like. This doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options. We suppose you could post a dating profile specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply. But something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience — or the person himself — converts you? He is a human being after all, not a piece of meat.
Size is just a number,
Em & Lo
Why would a girl even say that sort of thing?
If a girl said that to me, she would be on her way out. Not because it offends me, but because it makes me think she’s crazy.
My ex had been with several guys before me, one of them was a truly freakish length at 10 inches long and as thick as a coke can.
She tried to have sex with him, and all he did was hurt her. She never had an orgasm with him (or any of her boyfriends for that matter, they were all total jerks that just care about getting off as soon as possible then jetting).
I have a totally normal sized dick that tends on the “large” side. Not only was I able to make her cum multiple times in a single occasion, but she stated I was the best lover she ever had.
Its an interesting theory about “testing” us when they say that….I have had some really dumb stuff said to me and it did make me insecure. I would be curious to hear from some women about that….if its true confirms so thoughts I have come to recently. The sad fact is that most women on have been screwed over by a guy at some point and then then take it out on the next guy in line….Only to create exactly what they hated. Its a nasty cycle.
I like one of the guys above am “above average” on a large muscular frame….My current girlfriend after 3 weeks of compliments and love sees me going pee after sex. I am standing with my legs apart…..Why do you stand like that? I answer, I don’t know I guess if my legs were pressed together I would feel squished. Her response is “honey its not that big” (jaw to the floor) Then later she is rubbing my legs and says “Your legs are so big….that is what you men like to hear right? Again my jaw says…WTF!
Since this or that has come out and after birthing her first child her man told her she was like a mayo jar. Now I think she is great in that area, but you can see how she continued the cycle of damage. Now she is a loving loyal sub who would do anything for me….BUT I took some serious knocks to my ego dealing with her crap and damage.
Anyone else?
thats what the keigel exercises are for – to tighten the loosened pussy up.
look the real issue every woman is avoiding is how LARGE they can become esp after child birth(s). Ever try to screw the Lincoln Tunnel?
It’s funny that two other men said just what I would say. I had a gf when I was 21 yrs old who pulled the “I found a bigger dick” thing on me when she dumped me. I was bigger than average, myself, but still freaked out by it. A year later she returned pretending she wanted to get back together, then when we were naked suddenly got up, put her clothes back on, and whined, “You — USED to be so BIG!” Told me about her interim bf’s huge girth and this time instead of feeling inferior I realized what a joke she was and found myself enjoying the image of her with her huge bf–I have “used” her in this way many times since, feeling perfectly entitled to after her attempts at cruelty to me. A few months later met my wife (over 25 yrs together now!) who had just broken up with an 11-inch lover because he was too big, hurt her to have sex with, and was a dork with a really drippy personality. We had awesome sex sharing her memories of his “asset.” We even tried 3ways with a couple of hung men, which were fun. BTW, you are so right about men sometimes not getting full erections when nervous–this was what happened when miss sizequeen was so disappointed by how much less big I was than she had remembered.
Tom wrote: […]
Tom… You’re awesome dude. Women do that to try and tool their man. It’s what we seduction community types call a “shit test” – she’s throwing a wrench in your spokes to see how you handle it – and it’s an especially rude one.
Most guys would flip out. I too once would have, until I got in touch with the part of myself that’s turned on by the thought of my girl acting nasty, with me or anyone else.
Tom’s way is the best possible way of handling a woman’s jealousy-based tests.
jorge said: “the long dick is useless if it cant make a woman pregnant..” Not all of us WANT to be pregnant at the present time. I think the article was an argument about the pleasure of sex, not the consequences…. 😉
it doesnt matter if its long or short.. the essence is that both person must enjoy sex.. the long dick is useless if it cant make a woman pregnant..
my wife told me years ago, the 1st time we made love, that her ex-fiance was bigger than me. I know not everyone reacts the same way,but it has been a big turn on for me
davey – something for you to ponder, think about and dwell upon – before you open your mouth and jump on the ”size matters” boat – think about this – will a woman bone me with my average cock?
it is NOT the size of the cock that matters – it is the PERSON the cock is connected to – if the woman loves your cock then does that mean she will love the person it is connected to if she is a size queen? of course not.
Kristen,I am really sorry I hate to sound so negative on a blog of predominately positive minded people: but sometimes the truth can sound negative. You yourself seem like nice person and maybe size is not the all and is all to you. But you missed my valid point: the reason why most men worry about their penis size is because woman fire the message across to us men than bigger is better in the first place, the “girth” size in particular. Look at any penis size survey videos on the internet and you will clearly see this.
My penis is the so called average at roughly 6 inches in length and close to 5 in girth. To my eyes it feels and looks small, when having sex with it it feels short and hard to work with by taking little short strokes to keep it from slipping out, which is a strain not a pleasure!
When woman is on top having sex with your little average penis all that is gong thru the average mans head is der isn’t much length to work with for her and if she goes up too far it will slip out and break your average little pecker off.
The reasons why the average length is too small, it’s hard to work with and hard to penetrate without slipping out due to average length handicap, positions are limited which can make the male feel inferior and frustrate a woman.
The reason the average girth is too small, the average girth is not thick enough for a turned on a wet vagina to feel, it just skids in and out and barely touch the sides and won’t gratify most woman.
Anyways back to the topic it’s the woman in the first place that say bigger is better, most woman that enjoy sex will tell you that bigger is better particular the girth, this is sadly the truth. The good news for us men, most men are average inferior dicks so we are not alone. It is no coincidence that bigger than average men are called “blessed” because they have the tool for eh job unlike the average worthless wee wee.
kristen –
my sentiments exactly – you took the words right out of my mouth :P.
She certainly did. Wonderful comments.
To Davey:
I have to say that, in my opinion, being completely ‘filled up’ is actually not always as fulfilling as you make it sound. Or at least, while that initial sensation of being entered can be quite wonderful, it’s not necessarily the highlight of the experience, nor the sole defining factor in how pleasurable it is.
For a woman, being with a man who is too large in relation to her anatomy, as some other posters have mentioned, can actually be painful! Though my husband is not overly large in length or girth, I am rather petite and when he goes too deep, it is definitely unpleasant at certain angles. I’m somewhat thankful he isn’t any bigger, really.
(Also, bear in mind that the process of getting the vagina ready to let a baby pass through– that’s right, it’s painful! Normally the vagina is a pretty snug fit, the walls actually touch when there’s nothing in there, and without proper warming up, entry can be a little difficult. I reckon only the gals out there who enjoy fisting would share in your sentiments in this regard.)
And though I quite enjoy intercourse in its many manifestations, I have to say that sometimes, one or two fingers does it a lot better for me than a penis. Sometimes no penetration at all is what works best. And you know what? That’s just fine. Like others have said, it’s about the man who’s attached to the penis, not the penis itself. No matter its size, it is not and will never be the end-all-be-all of the sexual experience. Focus on the PERSON you’re with, and forget the rest.
Well said Kristen. I agree.
Even Dr Em & Lo response let it slip and said size counts!
“Oh and don’t forget that, when it comes to size, most women agree that girth is a lot more important than length, since the majority of sensation is felt in the outer third of the vagina, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles”
Sorry to tell you Em & Lo! girth is size to and many men worry about it!. I am sure so many men will feel good about themselves after reading that response!. I also notice a lot of Contradictions when woman or sex docs try to tell insecure men that size don’t count, they always end up contradicting themselves! Na you don’t have to be 7 8 or 9 long just so long as it’s fat and fills her up LOL