Dear Em & Lo,
About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person for thinking he has a small penis or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve.
–Sizeist
Dear Sizeist,
We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to my partner’s ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?
But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we highly recommend you give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. You’ve heard about society’s unfair expectation that women try to live up to impossible female beauty standards, right? Well, you’re doing the same thing, except with men and their dicks.
First, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is abberantly long; out of 100 men, only 5 will be longer than 6.3 inches! (Was it really 8 inches, or are you just bad at spatial reasoning?) It’s not like 8-inchers grow on trees and you’ve dated a string of giants and have come to discover (pun intended) that only super-sized schlongs can satisfy you. No, you just had one great experience with one rare “8-inch“ penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.
For a start, some men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex. Oral, manual, anal, toys — it’s all good, and in many cases, better! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, for the standard vagina, the majority of sensation is felt and enjoyed in its outer third, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix pummeled with a battering ram).
On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what more extended and extensive sexual interludes are going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?
Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like. This doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options. We suppose you could post a dating profile specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply. But something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience — or the person himself — converts you? He is a human being after all, not a piece of meat.
Size is just a number,
Em & Lo
There are no nerves after 2 inches into the vagina, i suggest you try Kegel exercises to tighten your vagina, 4-6 inches is plenty if your vagina is average sized.
True. for most women, any size penis from 4-6 should be adequate and sufficient to get the job done and give her pleasure.
When I am shagging a guy with a small penis, I only take it doggystyle.
Funny thing, I am about 5.75 inches and about 4 inches in circumfrence. I can barely get into my wife, even with lube. She said to me one day, “I don’t know if I can spend the rest of my life with someone who has a small penis” I was like, I can barely get in you and it hurts you like crazy. WTF. I never had any girl say that to me. My wife even said that my previous lovers were probably faking Orgasms. I didn’t realize I was that small. I also didn’t realize that she would want a bigger unit in her when mine hurt her !!! She then said that she only said that because she hadn’t been with many people and ALL of her girlfriends told her that bigger was better and she need to find a guy with a big schlong.
Now she tells me that if I was any bigger we wouldn’t have sex as much and that she “would just have to suffer” if I was bigger !
She told me the guy before me was very large and it hurt, but she said it was decent? I don’t get it. Is 5.74 ” and 4 ” girth really that bad?
There is no excuse for your wife’s behavior. If she really loved you, she wouldn’t mentally and emotionally torture you over penis size.
So I keep reading that women prefer girth so much. What do you do if you have a very thin penis?
Thankyou Kiki for the reassurance.
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Yes women should not compare atleast not when we are naked it makes it shrink backwards,,please dont compare.
Im a Indian Guy and yes yes we have a lower than world average dick size But we screw twice as harder —(look at our population and our books on kamasutra)whatever weird positions you see in porn WE INVENTED THEM.
I have a dick that around 5-7 inch when erect (yes it does vary that much)
And indian women dont like big dicks they are like “stop it ,, it hurts use your tongue”
Therefore i dont know whether to be happy or sad.
BUT porn has influenced women very much ,,
Idiots forget that it is a profession and they are professionals, they are paid because they have most their blood supply in their penis than their brains
and women are paid to have better IMPLANTS.
I have never liked huge breasts you cant hold them full ,no fun.
I am quiet happy to see the replies of women here please continue need to here more.
To be honest, for the most part, the replies from women on this blog have been good. Unfortunately, of course, there are exceptions.
Just wanted to say that the g spot is only about 1-2 inches inside the vagina.also the nerves only go about three inches.
I deal with a lot of anxiety over this issue. Like Jacob, above, a lot of girls are into me. I can think of quite a few good reasons, since from childhood I’ve been trying to develop myself to be the kind of man that a girl would want to be with and stay with. That I’m only 5’8″ and have a 4.5 inch dick (5.25 if I’m so hard it almost hurts), however, are things that I cannot control, and I’m very insecure about both areas.
I’m a virgin and plan to stay that way until I’m married. I’m just anxious because I don’t want to be a disappointment. I hope that what some of you say is true about cunnilingus (sp?) and helping hands. I play guitar really well, and all that may imply, and I’m all about foreplay and true love-making because I view sex as an outward expression of pre-existing emotional and spiritual intimacy. And seriously, the idea of going down on some of these fiiiine women I see really gets me going. I’m gonna eat the mess out of my wife, lol, I can’t even lie.
I don’t know. I’m confident that I’ll do ok, but I’m still scared, nervous I guess…I just hope that my passion, dexterity, and my success in the other areas of our relationship will compensate for my genetic short-coming.
If you are lucky enough to find a woman who is all about love and compassion and not about body parts and sex you’ll be fine.
Jacob, “Steroids” can actually shrink the penis. Really. Male “Porn stars” were mostly born to grow into what they have. There are some very risky surgeries, to enhance girth, and even length, but they can often effect performance, and men who have sex for a living can’t risk that.
But, no “steroids” won’t grow a penis. I assume you are talking about Anabolic Steroids? As even common things as the Birth Control pill and Vit D are actually a steroid hormone, as well, but not male sex hormones. Only a few “steroids” are actually male sex hormones, and none of them will reliably grow a penis. They CAN cause a woman’s clitoris to sometimes grow, if taken in access, but as men already have a large amount of Testosterone and other Anabolic Steroids in their bodies, the effect is not the same with them. Body builders often find their penis and testes SHRINKING from excessive Anabolic Steroid use, in addition to other side effects. So, no, these drugs are NOT taken by “porn stars.”
Most of the time what you see, is what they naturally have. Also, many Erotic Film companies use petite female models, it makes the men look little bit bigger. Also the male models try to remain on the trim side. Most men who are even a little overweight can find they “grow” an inch or more when they lose weight, as the fat around the pubic area shrinks, revealing more of the base of the penis. It can make a HUGE difference in a lot of men, where even an inch can give them more self esteem and feel better about themselves.
I have a 4 inch penis erect. Is my “Wang” considered to be micro
No, a micro is 2.75 inches erect and under. You have a normal size penis.
o and on porn all porn stars that is guys takes steriods to enlarge their penis
this message is to greenman69
ok this might be a little embarissing but my penis size is about 2 and a half inches and 4 and a half inches erect. I am a chick magnet but they just dont know about my penis im kind of scared to have sex with my girlfriend because she might make fun of me
There is nothing wrong with 4.5 inches. It is completely normal. The problem is that too many women are size queens because they have been brainwashed by porn and society’s message that bigger is better which is 100% wrong. Just be very careful you don’t wind up with one of those types of women.
To the sizest, Maybe you and females like you should have a tattoo on ur wrists that say Shallow! So you dont waste the time of men.
Question: why do some women feel the need to talk about the penis size of ex lovers? I am above average but that really doesnt help when you hear ur girlfriend bring up an ex and say OMG! when she is talking about some other guys cock.
Even tho she says im the best sex she has ever had. I have even broke some hearts in the past because some grown women thought that was ok to say,its hard to want to stay if you dont feel good enough.
I would never talk about someone elses breasts!(Not that you can compare the two) I mean I have never seen a porn made just with small to average cocks.But i have seen porn made with just small breasted chics)
Anyway, its very hurtful and women you should know better.
Women should never talk about past lovers body parts. That is just insensitive and inappropriate.
it’s all about the cunnilingus. as long as a man can go crazy with that and actually enjoy it, i’ll be wetting the sheets all night long.
It’s so silly the focus on size these days. For most of recorded history, a big penis was looked down upon and associated with savages and rapists. Ironically, the rapist part is 100% true as a “big” penis is associated most with the number of partners a woman has in a short period of time. A “longer” penis when competing with other penises within a short time-span deposits sperm more closely to the fallopian tubes and is more likely to fertilize an egg. Thus a person who has a long penis is most likely the descendant of promiscuous parents.
It’s only with the recent explosion of porn and the media that somehow big size was associated with sexual desirability. This is speaking as a doctor who had one major in anthropology in college.
Men with bigger penises tend to have more flaccid erections as well and generally less natural stamina since their organ drains so much blood. They really need to work on their cardio to maintain an erection for a long time. My patients come to me worried about their penis-size because of what they see in porn (which is reflected in some women’s comments). It’s common enough that I tell them the truth, men in porn take drugs to get it up many times and one scene is filmed over a day or more with constant breaks.
Aside from my educaation and professional experience, personally after having been with a lot of women with an average member, the most common complement I get is that, even though I’m not as big as the hugest guys, my stamina in bed (over 2 hours average) drives women crazy. This is from good cardio and intense concentration. I’ve found this to be true in general. It just needs to be a minimum size for a woman’s pleasure. To really get a woman going, its all about how many times you can bring her to a climax.
I’m going to tell the truth here. I had one boyfriend who was large – 9″ and thick – and it was the most pleasure I’ve ever had. I also had a boyfriend that was 5″ – and it was the least pleasure I’ve ever had.
A 5-inch penis should easily give most women wonderful pleasure while a 9-inch penis should give most women cervix pain and discomfort unless she has a huge vagina. That’s being honest.
How do you know about such things? You’re a virgin. Why are you ranting and attacking anyone who holds a difference of opinion? Here’s a woman expressing that a 9″ cock gave her the most pleasure she’s ever had and you’re basically shaming her about having a huge vagina. So what if she does? If she does then perhaps she does need a large penis to enjoy sex. Is there a problem with that?
You have some serious psychological issues. You need to seek help for them and not spend all your time attacking people on the internet. And considering you’re replying to posts from 7+ years ago…well it’s more than just obsessive behavior.