Dear Em & Lo,
About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person for thinking he has a small penis or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve.
–Sizeist
Dear Sizeist,
We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to my partner’s ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?
But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we highly recommend you give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. You’ve heard about society’s unfair expectation that women try to live up to impossible female beauty standards, right? Well, you’re doing the same thing, except with men and their dicks.
First, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is abberantly long; out of 100 men, only 5 will be longer than 6.3 inches! (Was it really 8 inches, or are you just bad at spatial reasoning?) It’s not like 8-inchers grow on trees and you’ve dated a string of giants and have come to discover (pun intended) that only super-sized schlongs can satisfy you. No, you just had one great experience with one rare “8-inch“ penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.
For a start, some men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex. Oral, manual, anal, toys — it’s all good, and in many cases, better! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, for the standard vagina, the majority of sensation is felt and enjoyed in its outer third, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix pummeled with a battering ram).
On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what more extended and extensive sexual interludes are going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?
Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like. This doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options. We suppose you could post a dating profile specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply. But something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience — or the person himself — converts you? He is a human being after all, not a piece of meat.
Size is just a number,
Em & Lo
I very much enjoy large cocks and have recently started dating someone with a very small penis. It is embarrassing to me to look at it. I know that sounds shallow BUT he is a very good lover. I am amazed at how well he can satisfy my needs, multiple times, with only the tools God gave him.
Ladies, don’t judge a guy simply by his size. Be open-minded and give him a chance to satisfy you – you may be pleasantly surprised. And in my experience, they are usually more eager to satisfy.
ENJOY!
Looking at it should not embarrass you and it’s performance should not surprise you. You had been brainwashed by either porn or society’s myth message that only a big penis could give you sexual satisfaction. Now that you’ve experienced a smaller penis, you now know that what you previously believed was a lie. I am really glad you found out the truth that men with small penises can be satisfying and wonderful.
dave,
after the human brain, is the heart. the heart has a lot of control over love and the emotions relating to it. if people would just combine the emotions relating to love and attraction(controlled by the heart), and intelligence(with the brain), just imagine the orgasms women would have with the smallest of cocks(they would cum just upon insertion).
dave,
i ALWAYS knew the human brain was the biggest(and most potent) genital in the human body(it is too bad many woman do not go by a guys intelligence over the size of his cock. but oh well – dopes will be dopes 😛 ).
I know, @Dave W, I hesitated to even mention it (the Abercrombie model) because it’s so outlandish, but you never know… Totally agree with you in the other dept., so bizarre for me, as in all the discussions I’ve had with friends over the years about past boyfriends and husbands, penis size is just not on the radar…don’t worry, there are plenty of other ways you guys drive us insane (not in the good way) but I’ve never met anyone who considers penis size anything to talk about. Where we do compare? Foreplay, guys, full stop.
A gay Abercrombie model?!? That’s the most preposterous thing I’ve ever heard!!!
Goodness, all of the record-breaking posts here point to one thing for me: that the brain is the most important sex organ. A smaller penis just ain’t the problem in 99% of these posts. But the issue obviously has great power over our brains. So much so that I suspect David falsified Steven St. Croix’s Wikipedia page to dispute my claim(on page 1) about his average-sized johnson. It’s painful to read how tortured some guys are about it. And instructional for female sadists.
One more thing: people are HORRIBLE, just HORRIBLE at judging penis size. If all the eyeballed estimates of 8 and 9 inch members were accurate, they’d comprise 1 out of every 3 dicks out there. Don’t believe it.
i knew someone who had a great quote about his penis size, I’ve started using it too
“my dick may not be all that big. but my tongue, fingers, and desire to please, will more than make up for it”
also…women who make size an issue 9 times out of 10 are just doing it to emotionally hurt their partner and to make them(the woman) feel powerful. sex should really be about the sharing of love, romance and emotions and NOT the size of the mans cock or emotionally hurting him. a woman hurting her mate just because of his cock size is being irresponsible and very self centered. if there is a problem with the size of the cock then the 2 of them have to work together to correct it and NOT solve it by emotionally hurting him. there are sexual intercourse positions that allow entry of men with a smallish cock so women can feel it.
So true, Richard. If there is a sexual chemistry issue where the body parts don’t fit together, there are so many sexual positions to try and techniques to use that can be found to solve those problems., Love each other, work on them together. Don’t emotionally hurt someone over the initial sexual incompatibility. That is just so mean and cruel.
people who make size an issue mainly have it all in their heads from beliving what other people tell them. if they really love and care about the person…then size really should be a NON-ISSUE.
Exactly. If you really love someone and truly care about them penis size would be 100% irrelevant.
@ash….maybe I’m overly suspicious, but something doesn’t add up: An Abercrombie model, gorgeous, who was a frat boy, and a few years older than you (so he must have been in his early twenties?) was a virgin? And there was no sexual chemistry? Hmm, my spidey sense is telling me he probably just hadn’t come out yet… If he had truly been “feeling it,” my guess is size wouldn’t have been an issue, because you would have been satisfied in other ways…just a thought!
Good point. I agree.
* to avoid confusion: what i meant to say was “when he went in, I couldn’t feel it”
Maybe your vagina was the problem and not his penis.
i want to take this opportunity to jump in on this bandwagon and state that…size kinda does matter in a way.
i dated this one guy (6’2″, former abercrombie model, a few years older than me, frat boy, dreamy face, etc) and I was determined to take things ultra slow with him. I waited to have sex with him (I was his first) but I was disappointed…for one, I’m 5’3″ so our size difference for some reason made things VERY difficult…especially since he wasn’t very experienced (who am I to talk, he was my second)
BUT to get to the “point”…when he went it…I couldn’t feel it. That plus our lack of sexual chemistry basically doomed the relationship, but I decided to give it a go for a few more months.
….kinda like beating a dead horse.
Over a year later and I’m with the most incredible man in the world for about 7 months now. Couldn’t be happier. And more satisfied.
So, you based your ending your relationship on sexual chemistry and penis size. That is a terrible thing to base your happiness on. That is not love it’s just about sex. There is a difference.
@SS – I am glad to hear possitive responses! There seems to be so much pain, hurt, fear, and resentment from both male and females in this panel discussion and I feel so sadened. Poor souls in such termoil, all in some way or another mistreated, and quite frankly abused mentally by those who they should have been able to seek comfort, confidence, love, and reasyrance from. It is heart wrenching. This is how trust and compassion get thrown out the window. Sure we will all be self concious about ourselves from time to time – but I tell you the truth – no one sees our “flaws” more than ourselves. Honestly they really are not flaws at all. We are all unique, all special, and all deserve to love, and be loved back. All of us. My advice to men : stop measuring yourselves, big or small, you are a man, and just in being a man are wonderful in yourselves and highly valued by women. Just love us. That’s it. Don’t worry about how big – we look to the man who loves us as the only man in the universe, the man who loves me I have seen as no other – no one other man can compare. To women: Love your man – he is your foundation stone – love him, and he would protect you even if it means he must lay down his life for you – men feel hurt and rejection as you do – do not hurt your man, they are a great gift to us, and an honor to be loved by a man. It is truley an honor. Remember – we are meant to build each other up, not tear each other down. Period. – Have passion. Feel it. Maybe things were lost in translation along the way, because there is too much hurt out there. Let’s find that passion – look at the word itself – passion is described as a compelling, driving emotion. It is something that just wells up deep inside you that drives you foreward. Passion actually defines the way you act. Out of your passions – springs your life. Passion will actually cause your heart to go after certain things – where your treasure is (what you truely value in life) your passions and heart will be also. Your passions will even influence the way you talk – out of the overflow of our hearts, our mouths speak – if she says cruel things about your size – sit back and see if her words define her intentions. She is not for you. She is all about herself. And she is not ready to be in a loving relationship. It is not your fault – it is a fail within herself that she must work out on her own. More often than not – misery loves company. Find a sound mentally stable female to be with. Healthy love and passion within a couple should explode from within you! And it is wonderful to have! This is not something that is fake or hollow people! It is real, and YES it is out there! Passion will move you baby, and the people, and world around you! 🙂 From here on out – if you’ve been hurt (and we all have) – learn to break away from the power of your past – end the cycle now. When we have passion in our hearts they are no longer made of stone, but of flesh! And if this indwells in your life – all of a sudden being devoted truley is not a chore or something to fear – but you are set free! So ask yourself – what beats in the heart of your relationships? What is in your heart? Because the honest truth is – you will never take anyone farther than you have gone yourself. If there is no passion, no love, no trust – hey, if your not willing to explore and open up your heart, you will only lead your lover as far as you’re willing to go. – listen to this (and I’m sorry for the length of my response – I tend to ramble) imagine a river of living water (your life, and your passions) – you can get in ankle deep, knee deep, or you can jump in over your head and let it carry you. So depending on where you’re standing in the river, and where you’re willing to go will determine where your lover, or family and friends for that matter end up. – Your passions will set the tone, and take your people with you 🙂
Wow, Mesha, I didn’t think you could top your previously last comments but you did. This was just one of the most beautiful, amazing writings in regards to relationships between men and women that I’ve ever read. I wish your comments weren’t buried in the back of this blog as 7-years old. I wish it could be moved to the front where everyone can read it. Your comments here should have been picked by em&Lo as the comment of the week, the month, the year, and the century. That’s how beautiful they were. It touched my heart with such joy to read them because they were all about love. Thank you for your very special contribution to this blog and topic. I wish there were more women in the world like you. Mesha, you truly are a very special woman.
Wow is right! Well said, Mesha. I feel exactly the same way. I haven’t been with that many men, but their “size” is the last thing I’d think of when remembering them. If any of you men are with women who make size an issue, it’s the girls with the problem, not you. As Dan Savage would say: DTMFA.
True, Mesha’s comments were a “wow.” The most loving comments I’ve read from a woman on this blog. It was a pleasure to read.
Well, I got to tell you – I have been with men of different sizes – one in particular that was very big (I’ve never actually measured because I don’t feel I need to know the exact inches) most of the time sex with him was painful, but I loved HIM so much that that didn’t matter to me – the fact that I felt close to him during sex and felt loved by him made me honestly not care that I was in a bit of pain. I loved him for who he was as a whole – not just a part of his body. The same as in the case of my husband, who we are actually now getting divorced after being together nine years. He was kinda on the small side, but I got the feeling he was very nervous during sex and maybe there was something else happening. I tried to think of ways to encourage him – to give him more confidence I guess, but I wasn’t sure what was working or not. I did not ever once care about his size ever, once again, I loved HIM, not just a particular part of his body. Honestly size has never mattered to me – sex is a wonderful experience and something I think is really special, it is wonderful to love and feel loved back and in that closeness when you are with someone, it’s just – I don’t know, WOW – you know! Not all people get to experience the full extent of loving intimate sex – I am glad I have. I have always trueli loved who I was with, and quite honestly (I can’t speak for all women of course) but all I want is to be loved back. I love men, and I love just watching them be as men are – men are fantastic, they are my protectors, my love, my friends – So be confident men! We think you are fantastic! And it’s your heart that needs to be big – that’s it! Just love baby! 🙂
Those were wonderful comments. You’re a wonderful, loving woman, Mesha , who clearly knows what true love is all about. It’s the emotional bond and the size of your heart that truly matters.
Messenger said: “There are no nerves after 2 inches into the vagina” END QUOTE
That’s completely untrue! Do you have a vagina, messenger? Ever had a really intense pelvic exam? Ever had a big lover bump your cervix? (Some women don’t care for this, others like it.) Ever given birth to a baby? Believe me there are nerves in the ENTIRE vagina! It doesn’t run out of sensitivity after a very short entry.
Some medical texts SAY the outer two to three inches are “more rich in nerves” than the rest of the vagina, but many woman are sensitive all the way to their cervices and the little cove under/behind it.
I know my own sensitivity goes MUCH deeper than 2 inches! (My urethral sponge is farther back than 2 inches in.) Most women I know have the same experience. It’s one of those things where a medical text made an error and people continually repeat it, despite it being erroneous. SOME women may have this limited sensitivity, but it is not universal by any means.