Dear Em & Lo,
About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person for thinking he has a small penis or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve.
–Sizeist
Dear Sizeist,
We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to my partner’s ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?
But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we highly recommend you give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. You’ve heard about society’s unfair expectation that women try to live up to impossible female beauty standards, right? Well, you’re doing the same thing, except with men and their dicks.
First, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is abberantly long; out of 100 men, only 5 will be longer than 6.3 inches! (Was it really 8 inches, or are you just bad at spatial reasoning?) It’s not like 8-inchers grow on trees and you’ve dated a string of giants and have come to discover (pun intended) that only super-sized schlongs can satisfy you. No, you just had one great experience with one rare “8-inch“ penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.
For a start, some men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex. Oral, manual, anal, toys — it’s all good, and in many cases, better! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, for the standard vagina, the majority of sensation is felt and enjoyed in its outer third, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix pummeled with a battering ram).
On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what more extended and extensive sexual interludes are going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?
Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like. This doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options. We suppose you could post a dating profile specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply. But something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience — or the person himself — converts you? He is a human being after all, not a piece of meat.
Size is just a number,
Em & Lo
After a 10 year marriage (divorced) with a larger man, I dreaded sex. But when I spent my first night with my now fiancée, I was a little disappointed – at first. Larger penises hurt me if too rough, well oh baby – my fiancée has a slightly smaller than average penis with a little curve and he knows how to work it!!! I’m constantly panting after him (it’s usually the guy who wants sex all the time… Lol not for us)
I never had a true orgasm until I made love to my fiancée.
First, what’s wrong with a woman admitting she prefers a big cock? All these accusations of “shallow” don’t make sense to me. No one’s saying that cock size is all that matters. We’re just talking about preferences…and we all have them.
Personally, as a guy, I’ve found this discussion interesting. One example: A few of the comments indicated that whether cock size is there or not, another thing that matters is how long a guy lasts before he cums. One commenter said she likes hung guys, but if he can’t last, he can’t satisfy her, even if he is a good size. Even in this day and age, I think most guys finish long before their partner is “fully” satisfied. As some have mentioned, it’s said that most women don’t cum from penetration. That may be true, but then again, if most guys cum within five minutes of penetration, are we really giving all those women a fair shake (pardon the expression)? Men can learn to delay ejaculation. Maybe most women don’t cum from penetration because most of them are with men who either can’t get reliably erect, or who can’t last very long before cumming.
It probably goes without saying, but one thing the ladies have not mentioned yet is how important it is whether the cock can get reliably hard. I think hardness is a huge issue, now more than ever. One recent study showed that 25% of college age men at a U.S. university were unable to “reliably” get an erection hard enough to wear a condom. That’s one out of every four YOUNG men. But hey, maybe I’m wrong, since no one has mentioned the importance of cock hardness. Maybe women are just as satisfied with a soft cock, or just a semi-hard one?
Some ladies wont tell u how well ur doing or try to not be as vocal in sex, mention that their previous lovers were larger etc. because they want u to put more effort in. TRICKS! I’ve had numerous girls admit it.
Whenever I think about it I either try harder from anxiety or it overwhelms me to the point that I am too distracted from sex altogether..
Get in her mind guys, if she is the type of girl to try and mess with ur head, she wants it hard throw some macho @ her, forget it, or find a chick that gives u positive thoughts to embrace, be comfortable! And don’t be her slave =p thats weak sauce. Dominate that pus be a boss. sometimes girls play those tricks cuz they know i have a big ego and and they dont want to feed into it.. and im not that much above average size, if it was smaller i’d have major problems as I am self concious as fuck but dont let ppl know *stereotype* so yea if u have a small member i feel for u you *pun* sum girls r more sensitive sumtimes im even 2 much and i hate turnin down the throttle so smaller wud be better.. goodluck & yea foreplay a pile of wood doesnt burn as hot as easily as a well structured campfire can.
its worth noting whether your ‘measurements’ are while erect or not… kind of makes a big difference, also those guys who are feeling really self conscious after reading this stuff, read up on this article. seriously
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/penissize.htm
Ok, here’s the only post you need to read: Women we may THINK size matters, I had some questions myself, but it does NOT!
I’ve had several boyfriends and most have been well endowed. Don’t ask- seriously, does anyone measure?? Give me a break- lol. Anyway, after Mr four year I was a little concerned as my new bo, was considerably less down there (in both measurements). HOWEVER, I was crazy about him and even though we decided to wait- I wasn’t going to let something this shallow stop me. Believe me, I know sex is important within a relationship. But, YES, it’s shallow as the feelings start in your mind (how you feel for the person), not JUST stimulation.
So glad I didn’t give in to that doubt & dismissed it! 😀 The love making IS fabulous as we are compatible in the mind & the rest flows. And the above post by some other gal is right he did get larger after a few times!! I think that’s attributed to how I make him feel as a man. Do yourself (AND HIM) a favor don’t EVER mention your doubts and communicate to him if needed what you like- and if you are as lucky as I am with a caring lover you will be thrilled!!!
My previous bo was caring but there is a reason it ended- right? My new boyfriend, who I hope becomes my husband some day, and I are so much more compatible in who we are and that is what I attribute the fab nights, afternoons and days, to! MEN DON’T FEAR- IT’S ALL ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HER & how she makes you feel about you! Happy sex to all. 😉 -Juliet
I wouldn’t go as far to say that yours’ is the only post that people need to read but it was terrific and I definitely agree with it. Thank you for your positive contribution to this discussion.
Wow. I can’t believe some of the things people are saying.
First of all, I guess I’m very very lucky, since apparently, I’m one of very few women who can orgasm through penile intercourse. But I never thought about it as anyone actually bringing me to orgasm. I feel like I guide myself there. So it doesn’t really matter what size the penis is. I can bring myself to orgasm whether I’m using my finger or a penis, or a dildo.
And for that matter, can all these women who don’t have penile orgasms make a dildo work for them?
I like to crunch my abdominal muscles (stop sucking your gut in, you look great) and squeeze my kegels really tight while rounding my spine, with arms usually around his neck, my ear to his ear. This usually guarantees me orgasm. Good luck ladies. Hope this works.
Folks,
I have not been in this forum for a while. I am impressed that this topic is still the most popular. Shows what a deep wound this topic is for so many men. (And the general consensus seems to be that men do not suffer from body-image problems, or at least not in any pronounced way. What callous bullshit!)
Anyway, I have returned for a single reason: to exclaim to men who return to this page again and again—SET YOURSELVES FREE! Stop returning here and be free! It will seem hard at first; you will want to return to get in another few words, insults, or whatever toward our token size-queens. But I say unto you, stop returning, stop commenting, stop reading, and be free!
The reward vastly outweighs whatever benefit one derives from the unresolvable and often painful interactions that occur here. Whatever your size, I implore you! Stop returning here, throw your shoulders back, and live your life! This is the only way to peace on this issue.
There will always be women who are vocal about their size preferences and are otherwise cruel, whether they do so deliberately or not. You will never “win,” because they feed off your insecurities, your attempts to tell them how insensitive or wrong they are. They love getting to be the evaluators, not the evaluated. (No one should be the evaluated if it’s unfair or harmful, but that’s a separate topic). The position of sitting in judgment over other human beings, and thus feeling a form of power over them, is highly seductive (for both genders, I should add). They enjoy dispensing condemnation or approval (or perhaps more vague assessments) over you because it gives them a sense of power in the game of love, which always entails a power struggle to varying degrees. (Of course, both genders dispense these cruel judgments, and women, perhaps many, do it with penis size.)
So men, my fellow knights, your very presence here plays into this cruel game. You become powerless. You feel bad about yourselves. You feel angry, as though women are the omnipotent deliverers of the verdict of your worth. And what’s more, you come back for more of it, again and again.
I am here to tell you: NO ONE SHOULD DELIVER THAT VERDICT BUT YOURSELVES! Free yourselves from the tyranny of striving to meet others’ expectations. Be who you are! Do not wish that you were somehow different. Doing so is to suffer endlessly, because you will never measure up. Find your own standards—those that emanate from within, not from without, not from what women hold or anyone else holds.
This way you will not be offering your worth over to others for them to judge it for you and tell you what it is, only to have you come crying about how unfair they are for doing so. How absurd this is! But this is what far too many men do.
So I say, be powerful, be free. Do not return here. Choose your own definition of attractiveness. Find it within and nowhere outside. Carry it proudly as you meet the world’s vocal size-queens. You will find that when YOU hold the power to decide whether they are pleasing to you, they will have no choice but to be respectful (and perhaps chase).
you are very intelligent, Don. That is great advice
Size matters – in your head. If you THINK you’ll only be satisfied with a large penis, then that will be true for YOU. If you think a penis of almost any size will be fine, it’s just a matter of emotions, confidence, and experimentation, then you’ll be fine.
It’s all in your head, ladies and gentleman. And I’m not talking about the one covered by your pants.
Very true. Women who think they can only be satisfied by a large penis is more likely psychological than physiological.
well. first I think I will be single for life. How sad for me. This whole topic is guite disturbing I mean shit crap shit. I am just dealing with fucking (E D) and you girls want it to be like 40 million feet long. shit crap shit. Well first I thought about this for like for weeks and a day or two. So I looked into the blue pill. ok I now can now jack off successfully at least “Dude” is at attention. However I dont like the side affects. so I try Cialis. Thats better. Then I thought as I enjoyed my long lost friend “Dude” ok while in waitng. Bigger is better. Prehaps this is why they (the hot gourgeous women) hate me. It could not be that I am poor, out of shape and like 49 years old. Please (stop laughing) I am laying it out here. Anyway I see this gaget. I think I will try, called FastSize. So I get it all the while I hope know one finds out as this is awkward. bordering on sissy. After 6 months it is going well however I still have not found well Mrs Rock Myworld but I feel more confident. I never had like a complaint in the past but reading blogs can mind fuck a person. Just a little TMI Love Me and “Dude”
I’m so sorry that you found and read this blog and it really hurt you. It hurt me reading it too as I have always had penis size insecurities my whole life. Men like you and I are examples of why Em&Lo should never have published this letter. It hurts far too many innocent men.
Okay this sounds really silly but
When me and my boyfriend first had a fumble I was immediately worried that he was not going to be able to make me orgasm. He was just 5 inches and my ex had been 7.5.
However… after a few sessions i swear he has grown (he even said it so myself). With regular sex and less inhibitions you may just find yourself a very very well endowed man. Oh and by the way, he still made me orgasm like i never had before on our first session.
Hope it helps xx
my penis is just 4 inches.
i was during many years troubled by this fact.
But since i got married and i saw how my wife reaches orgasms and is fully satisfied, i don’t worry now at all.
I consider myself normal.
I went with three other women just to see…
two were satisfied the third a little.
I feel ojay.
4 inches is completely normal. Any woman with a small or average sized vagina should be fully satisfied as has been the case in your marriage.
Wow,more online p*nis propaganda.The d!ck issue has been completely beaten to death.The facts of the matter are that the average is 5-7.(race regardless) Any reputable medical journal will tell you this.Furthermore,as a woman i see these topics as reverse-sexism directed at men.All of these get bigger infomercials,pornography etc..no wonder men have a complex or hangup..go figure.
My personal belief is people get brave when they get on the web and say all kinds of things that would most likely cost them big time in the real word.Being women we have been subjected to unrealistic beauty standards for years through various mediums,so we should be sensitive to this kind of propaganda tripe.Besides i think its even worse on this issue being directed at guys because the focus is on 1 bosy part,the most private part of a mans body..so to me to make a deal of what a guy’s size is,is just plain sick and terribly hurtful.Just my 2 cents,thanx 🙂
I agree with you Kimber. You seem like a very sensitive, compassionate woman.
If you decide to stay with him, please don’t let him know you have size issues, it is really a bad distraction. I have had women tell me all my life how big my cock is (7 3/4 long, very thick) but when my current girlfriend mentioned when talking about past lovers whom she felt had big cocks (she said it in a way that made me feel she didn’t think mine was big), it left me insecure for the first time since my teens.
It’s bad to say, but we men are super self-conscious about the perception of our penis size. This girl made me self-conscious even though she is so tight (even though she uses butt-plugs and kegal toys daily)that I always struggle to get my cock inside her. That feeling was not eased by her frequent, multiple, squirting orgasms, gagging issues or anything rational.
It took time, plus a day when she was giving me head from a point I was totally flaccid until erect, at which point she said “amazing”,to kinda get over it. Please, be gentle…
oh boy!! it’s never the size that matters lol. the ACTION should speak louder and believe me you will get into orgasm more than the size itself. explore the average sized & lead your new bf to your liking. you will definitely ask for more if he can perform orally better than imagining what’s in you.
FYI: I have been married twice and had two serious boyfriends. I have also had a few men that I have played around with. My first husband was average, he was a minute man though and I never reached orgasm with him. I was young and a virgin and knew nothing about sex. Then I had a boyfriend for 9 months that was small. He lasted but I could still never reach arousal because I never felt anything. Then I met this guy who was packing it, above average to say the least and oh yeah, he lasted. Both things made sex amazing and our relationship lasted 3 years on just sex. Eventually I decided I wanted someone financially secure though. Then I met my current husband. Above average but doesnt last very long. I rarely reach orgasm. So…I think it’s a combination of size and how long he lasts!
When it comes to loving someone (which is what truly matters) size should be 100% irrelevant.