Dear Em & Lo,
About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person for thinking he has a small penis or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve.
–Sizeist
Dear Sizeist,
We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to my partner’s ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?
But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we highly recommend you give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. You’ve heard about society’s unfair expectation that women try to live up to impossible female beauty standards, right? Well, you’re doing the same thing, except with men and their dicks.
First, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is abberantly long; out of 100 men, only 5 will be longer than 6.3 inches! (Was it really 8 inches, or are you just bad at spatial reasoning?) It’s not like 8-inchers grow on trees and you’ve dated a string of giants and have come to discover (pun intended) that only super-sized schlongs can satisfy you. No, you just had one great experience with one rare “8-inch“ penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.
For a start, some men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex. Oral, manual, anal, toys — it’s all good, and in many cases, better! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, for the standard vagina, the majority of sensation is felt and enjoyed in its outer third, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix pummeled with a battering ram).
On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what more extended and extensive sexual interludes are going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?
Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like. This doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options. We suppose you could post a dating profile specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply. But something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience — or the person himself — converts you? He is a human being after all, not a piece of meat.
Size is just a number,
Em & Lo
Hey Michelle you are a reverse sexist piece o’ crap! Women hide behind the P-word “preference to bash and disciminate.Enjoy your lonely life at home petting your cat and eating doritos.
I agree. Women like Michelle dishonestly hide behind the word preference to falsely make them sound reasonable. The truth is that Michelle expressed an obnoxious requirement that denigrates men. Women who hurt men like that deserve to be alone.
^ Consider yourself lucky, John. When I was 16, pre-internet, we had to ask our embarrassing questions in person!
I gathered from the tone of your post that your GF is more into sex than you right now. Nothing so odd about that. I went through the same thing when I was 16. Girls were starting to want it for real, but I was crippled with performance anxiety.
If you’re hung up on “getting it right” the first time, you risk putting too much pressure on yourself. So, at the risk of sounding selfish, don’t worry about giving her multiple orgasms yet, and just focus on what feels good to YOU. You need to be comfortable before you can do anything for her. Have a lot of underwear-on make-outs until you feel good about it.
John – are you sure she wants sex straight up? You are both young and all the media reports about EVERYONE having sex are pretty inaccurate. That said, girls usually really like romantic stuff anyway. What my boyfriend and I did was start with lots of talking, fun sex free activities and lots of hand holding and kissing. As you build intimacy, the “right” time will arrive by itself. Whatever you do make sure you educate yourself about safe sex (try Scarleteen), buy condoms and read heaps of educational internet stuff on sex. There are many sites that offer explicit “how to” advice. Porn is not realistic – avoid it! Expect that you will need to experiment lots to get it right! Also, penis in vagina can make a pregnancy and is not necessarily the best way to start. Rubbing against each other with jeans on is much safer and easier and can be very nice! Girls can orgasm that way as well. mmm…hope this helps! 🙂
Good advice, Candice. I totally agree.
all couples need to communicate.
frequently and thoroughly.
this a really embarresing question but how could i give her what she wants and needs?
^ If you don’t give a woman what she wants and needs she’ll break up with you too. Err on the side of pleasure.
Bad advice. If love is her primary reason for this relationship, she will not break up with him.
im only 16 years old, am im worried about having sex with my girl because i dont think she will be very pleased with it and just brake up with me. im sure that we are both in love but i still dont know what to do.
It all depends. If your girlfriend truly loves you, she won’t break up with you. When a woman really loves a man she will love his penis too regardless of size because it’s a part of him.
judging a man by the size of his penis is just like if i were to judge women by the size of their breasts ok its just not a very smart thing to do as a guy with a smaller penis will tend to want to please you more than please himself…the bigger a mans penis the bigger his ego and the more likely he will be to treat you like a toy then a woman… women who judge men by the size of their penis are amongst the shallowest and most needy out there…
true men as should true women should judge by the way the special someone in their life treats them/ makes them feel..
Great comments, Max. I 100% agree with everything you said.
Search your feelings, young padawan – if they tell you, in your gut, that big is what you like, than I would definitely consider that (strongly) when evaluating your hopes of a relationship with this guy. We are who we are (and that includes those of us in the 4″ to 6″ range), and no amount of dichotomizing will change that – we are both our bodies and our minds. Also, I imagine that he wants to know, unequivecably, that he absolutely rocks the world of the one he’s with; if he doesn’t, keep searching for someone who does.
well what you need to do id find a guy with an 8′ then after he has sex with you and you really really like him he says well your ass isnt as soft as my ex soooo i think we should stop talking and exactly how you would feel at that moment used , stupid and deluded then your next boy you meet who likes everything about you when you discover his package is small you’ll marry him (sigh you shallow idiot)
Good comments. shallowness and stupidity go hand-in-hand together.
I have to say this is my first time on the website and I am totally in love and can’t laughing at some of these post. But on a more serious note I have to say I agree that 8″ is not the norm I am a nurse and have seen lots of penis and I can say hand down that 4-6″ is the average and size doesn’t matter it’s how you use it and if that’s going to be your guidelines get ready to do a lot of self pleasing. Just a thought
Good comments. Being a nurse, you should know. You’re absolutely correct. 4-6 is indeed the average range. Needing 8 is ridiculous.
^ Whoa, hang on now… If you’re turned off by his small dick, fair enough… you like what you like, there’s no way around that, and you shouldn’t do anything sexual that you don’t want to do…
But are you seriously suggesting that the respect a man deserves is proportional to his penis size? Wow. How crass.
If you dont want it you dont want him. I have abruptly stopped play after discovering a little willy. If they are too small you will never respect him in the morning, save yourself and run, you will end up resenting mr short pants in the long run.
Love is what matters, not penis size. It is far better for a man to live his life with a small penis than a woman to live her life with no heart.
My new partner has a small penis, but this dose not matter, I have experienced sex in a new way.. Different postions and sensations. The way he makes me feel while we are having sex makes me forget about the size. It really doesnt matter.
He is just amazing and I am lucky to have him.
It is not what the size but what he can do with it.. The saying really is true xx
I wonder where I can get a few women to evaluate my penis.