Dear Em & Lo,
About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person for thinking he has a small penis or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve.
–Sizeist
Dear Sizeist,
We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to my partner’s ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?
But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we highly recommend you give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. You’ve heard about society’s unfair expectation that women try to live up to impossible female beauty standards, right? Well, you’re doing the same thing, except with men and their dicks.
First, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is abberantly long; out of 100 men, only 5 will be longer than 6.3 inches! (Was it really 8 inches, or are you just bad at spatial reasoning?) It’s not like 8-inchers grow on trees and you’ve dated a string of giants and have come to discover (pun intended) that only super-sized schlongs can satisfy you. No, you just had one great experience with one rare “8-inch“ penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.
For a start, some men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex. Oral, manual, anal, toys — it’s all good, and in many cases, better! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, for the standard vagina, the majority of sensation is felt and enjoyed in its outer third, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix pummeled with a battering ram).
On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what more extended and extensive sexual interludes are going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?
Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like. This doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options. We suppose you could post a dating profile specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply. But something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience — or the person himself — converts you? He is a human being after all, not a piece of meat.
Size is just a number,
Em & Lo
I must say, I feel much better after reading this thread. I was kidded in high school because I matured late, and when soft my dick just doesn’t look impressive. But when hard, it’s 5.75. So even today, I have issues with it, even though I have literally had over 100 women in my life. I have had many tell me I was the best ever (I LOVE to eat pussy), I even had an Asian hooker in a foreign country come back a 3rd night, FOR FREE. And I have the cutest and thinnest 50 year old wife of anyone I know. Moral of the story: get it over it (myself included), and learn some new techniques. If you are an attentive lover with an average size, you’ll be just fine.
only true hoes say this.
Look the whole 4-5 in guys cant hit the cervics is bs the average length of the vagina is 4-6 inches and the openening of the cervics moves month to month its all abt angling to hit it. I hate that some girls bash the average guy cuz he dont have a penis like a porn start like they think theyre better then the average guy. When women bash the average size guyband say i want huge dick the 1st thing ppl think of u is that ur a whore. Learn how to have sex its not just stick it in and thats it no ots skill that gets the job done.
I’ve lived through a similar situation but with girth (apparently it’s more important in pleasure for us girls).
My current boyfriend and my ex are exact in length but my current is half the size in girth. One is the biggest I’ve ever been with and the other is the smallest (coincidence, one right after the other..)
But I’ve now been longer with my current than I ever was with my ex. Even I’m surprised. =)
What I can tell you is that it’s HARD to get used to, and I think you only go through with it if you really love that person. For now I am content, even though I can’t help missing that feeling of fullness every once in a while..but then we play in bed and i get over it.;)
I don’t think it makes you a bad person at all, I think your reaction and questioning is absolutely normal(I went through the same ones!) I would say to try him out if you like him, you never know.
Good luck!
This is crazy… A woman’s vagina is the size of a softball. I’ve never seen a penis with this kind of girth. why are we not questioning this issue. It’s all psychological. I’m 8″ and about 5″.25 girth and guess what? I want to be bigger. It’s all male ego, period. If your girlfriend tells you that you have a small penis, get rid of her. If you want to work it out, tell her to do keagles and in a short time she’ll be tighter.
This letter just screams inexperience to me. Sex isn’t about how big someones penis is, not even close. Not only is the vagina actually only 4 or 5 inches deep, most women only orgasm through clitoral stimulation. Size matters to an extent, but bigger doesn’t always equal better. Thanks for setting her straight Em and Lo.
If we concetrate on the size we won’t enjoy sex, as a man I do meet females wth huge hole but I try my best to make sure they also enjoy, same as their sizes of boobs n arse coz it does matter to some of us but we do try to settle for less. So nan u women out there stop descriminating the shorter guys out there, instead find a way to make use wat they have
*own bodies. I wish there was a way to fix this for all those “average” or below sized guys. And as for my experiences, bigger guys almost always are lazy in bed! The ones i’ve been with also don’t last as long… talking literally 15 seconds to 2 minutes. It’s also a preference thing though, just like some guys like loose women or flat chests. But it is annoying that females have preferences when then haven’t tried all the flavors, they just think they prefer a certain size.
Well, i’m old enough to be quite experienced on this topic. Though certainly not proud of it, i’ve had 9 partners. Their sizes have been scattered. I would say about 1-3″, 1-4″, 2-5″, 1-6″, 2-7″ and 2-8/9″. I’ve also always been very tight, 1 finger is all I need to feel something. 3/4 of the big guys were very painful due to girth. I would say only 2 of the 9 knew what they were doing. None of them have ever gotten me off. Except my current boyfriend actually gets me so close that i’m just as exhausted as if I had climaxed. He is also about 5″.
I would have to say size does matter, but not in the typical way everyone thinks it does. If women could be less judgmental and more accepting, they would be able to experience what I have in that there’s always a perfect fit, you just have to be willing to try it on. It’s ridiculous that some females have a preference when they don’t even know much about, their
Im 4-5 inches and wish I had an extra inch or two. Ive been with about 25 girls and about 5 said I was the best they ever had and about there were about 5 that I couldn’t do anything for. I noticed a patter than girls with small wrists seem to like smaller dicks. The best 3 girls all told me they were scared of big dicks and didnt like them cuz they hurt. They were all petite 110 lb girls with small wrists and loved me. My girl I’m with now is always horney for me. We have more sex than with anyone shes been with before because I am always hard and always want it and she is flattered. She has told me that I am the smallest she has been with and the only one that makes or orgasm every time. She wants to marry me and we have sex everyday if not twice or three times a day. That said I still wish I had an extra inch or two just for ego sake and to expand the amount of women I could please, but I figure if you have a smaller dick just find a smaller girl with a small frame. I even had one small asian girl that said I hurt her and she couldnt take all my 5 inches…lol
I’m a young woman 26 years old. I have only had three boyfriends. My boyfriend right now is alittle short. I am a woman that enjoys getting my cervix stimulated during sex and a 4-5inch penis honestly doesn’t cut it. His thickness is fine but some women like their cervix stimulated and I get amazing orgasums from it. The way I feel is if u not hitting it I can’t have a cervical orgasm during sex so what’s the point of having a penis in me. Clitoral orgasms are the easy ones and can be achieved easy. For people that say most of a women feeling is three inches in is wrong not all women are the same .
Love is what matters, not penis size.
I am having the same problem, only a little different! My new boyfriend may be 5 inches, not a problem, my ex yes he was a solid 9 and amazing in bed! Im very adventurous in bed and the new guy.. not so much! He’s said 100 times he’s more worried about me and gets the greatest pleasure when I have a smile on my face in bed.. I am absolutely crazy over this guy and told him lastnight, no more of my crazy sex fetishes until he becomes more comfortable with me. I’ve asked him 100 times what he likes when it comes to sex and he just gives me very vague answers.. he keeps saying he’s scared that he can’t satisfy me.. but he does because I have such an amazing emotional attachment to him.. so im more of a freak and he’s Sooooo far from it.. its getting old.. I really can’t deal with a boring sex life.. no matter the size!
Ive just started dating someone that is awesome in foreplay, drove me wild, then pulled out a 2inch stump… dont know what to say to it so just cuddled up and changed subject.
If you’re a chick just looking for dick, then u should have THAT posted on your forehead, and if you’re a guy just looking for a lay, give us the heads up too…same thng (If that’s what you’re REALLY looking for, it’s ok… just be real)
A real MAN is not defined by the size of his penis… believe you me. Some guys with big penises get SO lazy in the sack because they think that’s all it takes to please and they are SO wrong. I’ve had a big one before, yeah…but it was the worse sex ever; there IS a reason why the term “COCKY” is a negative term in many aspects. A four-inched man gave me my first man-induced orgasm; I had to fake it out of the bigger ones because they lacked in so many ways. I’m tired of chicks bringing down good men out there; men have psyches, egos, virtues, and insecurities like women do…guys with penises and girls with boobs. “I need to have more boobs TO GET A MAN :(” I guess if you’re talking about Hugh Heffner, because apparently you have absolutely nothing else internally to offer…and DON’T get upset when you wear cleavage-baring tops and guys just stare…you ask? they’ll answer. Just be real ladies. I’m all up for the self-esteem boost; as long as you’re not hurting yourself or anyone else…do it!
For the men out there; ALL men…I’m tired of the stupid penis-size game. I understand you, but I’m personally tired of it. There’s more to a man than his penis. And no, not all big and not all small are bad… just like boobs; there’s one for everyone. We are NOT all caught up with penis size, and we don’t ALL want big ones, just to let you know.
And no, I’m not unattractive…by all means I am very sought out for. I’m a very natural, and very happily self-accepted pretty girl with a kim kardashian-meets-jessica biel body, and yeah I got a pretty mug, too. I am HAPPILY pleased in ALL levels with my husband…a 4-5″er!! The best sex and most importantly the best RELATIONSHIP I’ve ever had, EVER. 10 years and counting… I’ve never been treated as good as I have by my man. If you’re looking for cock (not guaranteeing good sex), you look in his pants…if you’re looking for TRUE love & respect you have to look far beyond skin-deep.
I’m TIRED of my husband telling me that he doesn’t deserve me, because of his penis size that HE isn’t comfortable with, and supposedly that such a “gorgeous” girl like me deserves a big cock. I don’t wanna dick, I want a MAN… and I got MINE now.
Wonderful comments, Linda. You have the right attitudes, priorities and values. I wish there were more women out there like you.
“We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere”…..complete and total BULL! You threw up this topic because you KNEW it would draw a firestorm of misandry and judgements in the comments.This is NOT a sex positive site period Everyone has right to their preferences but you don’t have a right to dig,rip or judge people based on something you damn well know they cannot change.
I agree. There is nothing sex positive of printing a letter that hurts insecure men and brings out the most horrible female bloggers so they can make their extremely denigrating misandry comments