Dear Em & Lo,
About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person for thinking he has a small penis or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve.
–Sizeist
Dear Sizeist,
We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to my partner’s ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?
But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we highly recommend you give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. You’ve heard about society’s unfair expectation that women try to live up to impossible female beauty standards, right? Well, you’re doing the same thing, except with men and their dicks.
First, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is abberantly long; out of 100 men, only 5 will be longer than 6.3 inches! (Was it really 8 inches, or are you just bad at spatial reasoning?) It’s not like 8-inchers grow on trees and you’ve dated a string of giants and have come to discover (pun intended) that only super-sized schlongs can satisfy you. No, you just had one great experience with one rare “8-inch“ penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.
For a start, some men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex. Oral, manual, anal, toys — it’s all good, and in many cases, better! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, for the standard vagina, the majority of sensation is felt and enjoyed in its outer third, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix pummeled with a battering ram).
On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what more extended and extensive sexual interludes are going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?
Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like. This doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options. We suppose you could post a dating profile specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply. But something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience — or the person himself — converts you? He is a human being after all, not a piece of meat.
Size is just a number,
Em & Lo
EmandLo,
Your site is a mixed bag, sort of offering useful knowledge, and more often than not, reinforcing painful insecurities and complexes. I think you guys should identify an endeavor more useful to society than your current one, such as founding some sort of women’s center that helps the disadvantaged, or working in private practice.
The issue is that your site is a sounding board for some of the dumbest and most cruel people in cyber land. You both are responsible for broadcasting these opinions, and the various psychological harms they cause to others. Consider your contribution to society a mixed one at best. I hope you, or some hapless intern of yours, checks these comments periodically. It’s easy to waive responsibility for how the general public comments on here. But you are responsible. Go forth, self-deluded blogger/wannabe experts.
Sincerely,
Juan
I agree. There are some very hateful people that post negative messages. This site should be used for good and to help others. Instead, Em&Lo post letters about very painful topics that hurt innocent people and internet trolls come on here and take advantage of piling on the hate. Run a site responsibility and make moral decisions or else it doesn’t help society at all.
ALL of your posts are negative! And you also post many hateful things. You need to seek help.
Those r deep words Giantess. I use to be ashame of my penis I am about 5 and a.half. so for years I went without sex and it affected my emotions until I met a women like you. I know that I don’t have a large penis but she make me feel like I have a 8 inch penis. She do not criticize infact she always tell me how good I feel and she always want me inside of her. We just got married and had our first child together. I thank you Giantess because there is a lot of Men out here that is emotional stress because of there size and there is a very few woman’s like you and my wife.
@Harper, I suggest you tlel him the truth, but put it in a good way. BUT ofcourse, do try to work things out first, give it a shot if you really LOVE him. Find ways to improve your sex life up to a point you can think of livign with him for the rest of your life. ALSO, a guy gotta accept and deal with whatever penis size he has, he could try penis enlargement exercises, but it’s not 100percent safe and doesn’t guarantee results, )or at least permanent results). Either ways, you can perform some PC muscle exercises for your vagina, to make it tighter. it’s all over the net. one i knwo of is somethign to do with the muscle that can stop the flow of your urine.
cheers and all the best. and really, talk it out with him, tell him you love him too much that you’re willing to work thigns out. Coming from a guy, I’d rather know the truth and get hurt, than hearing lies and never know what I did wrong .
Giantess, so now less than 3inch ? I’m about 4-4.5inch erected. To hear that coming from you, I hope there will be enough girls like you out there. But well When I do eventually have sex, I’ll make sure my partner knows how much i care for her pleasure and learn up skills, that can compensate for my small penis size. Positions, fingering, etc. Well giantess, would you get together with a guy like me , and actually think of spending your entire life with a 4inch hardworking dick?:)
cheers
haha Giantess, can I have your contact info? I like when a girl embarrasses me in the bedroom. For the record, I’m like 5 or so.
I agree with some of the girls here who say that size matters. If it’s too short, you have to work with the position much much more. If it’s too skinny then you need to hit it with a mallet and hope it swells up. I think it’s easier to just explain things by length.
How long does a man have to be?
If it’s less than 4 inches I’m going to tell him that it’s small. Don’t lie to any man you’re getting intimate with, work with what he has if you’re doing the nasty because you have to be honest with him along with yourself.
There are plenty of positions in the Kama Sutra that are intended for all sizes and shapes, but he has to be able to perform. If he’s some couch potato with a donkey dick there’s a good chance he can’t even get it up!
Our bodies are all different so I do agree with the women who admit that they need that extra size to get them off. From my personal history I don’t like the larger guys, if it’s over 6 inches and beefy then I’m gonna be prepared to tell him to stop as soon as it hurts. But that doesn’t mean that those women are the standard because we’re not born with deep holes, they may have just happened to have more sex with men who are more endowed than others.
One thing that I’ve noticed about men who are under the 6 inch mark is how shy they are when it comes to disrobe. It’s a very fragile thing to talk with them about, if you give them a bit of confidence they are crazy in the sack and tend to do all the work for you and it’s all pleasure instead of pain.
How small is too small?
I dated a man who was a bit under 3 inches and sex was frustrating, if I literally moved an inch the wrong way it slipped out. To make matters worse he began to cry after I asked him to stop. I’m sorry but less than 3 inches is my limit with vaginal sex, but I will do other things if it’s a guy I really like.
It sounds funny but the guys who usually have small penises usually have their priorities in check, are mentally stable and are fun to go out in public with. I personally have a fetish with embarrassing men in the bedroom so unless the guy is scarred for life I get the best of both worlds. It’s not hard to train a man how to eat you out, stimulate other areas and maybe even rim you on special occasions.
If he has a tiny penis and doesn’t mind what you do to him in the bedroom, jerk him off with your index and thumb. Oral sex is so much easier when you don’t have to have something slide down your throat and choke you. I also like to wake them up with my mouth over their entire genitals, it makes me feel more powerful in the bedroom and they get off as well!
What about skinny dicks?
They do nothing for me if they’re similar to the size of my fingers. It’s those idiots who wanted a longer penis and didn’t bother to do any research on their own body. I don’t know if it was some exercise, a penis pump, or they may have gone under the knife and they can’t seem to get it up hard enough.
It’s not something natural, it’s very creepy because they look and feel wrong. I don’t have fingers 6 inches long but I’d trust my finger over anything so skinny. I’m afraid it would break if I made the wrong move and I don’t want to even touch it.
Guys, don’t worry about your size. If you can’t make her moan with your penis then try and find other ways to get the job done. Remember that we have sex to share an intimate moment, and yes we should try to please each other but this isn’t prostitution and if any woman holds that against you then you need to find ways to please her or get the hell out of that relationship while you can because some women are friggin’ psycho.
Size means a lot to women and I have been made fun of all my life because of the size of my penis. The woman I was engaged with over 4 years was sticking huge vibrators in her and complaining that I’m not big enough. So I had enough of her and I was the one who paid all the bills so I’m the one who has a home while she had to live with her parents and get a job.
I was often insulted and would come home from work still physically able to perform but get turned down for sex. I think we all need some form of sexual release and I have done all the foreplay and other oral activities to please any woman I’ve ever been with and to be fair each partner must please each other in some way or they will find somebody else who will. The pills and exercises are total BS! I have to deal with what I’m born with.
If a woman gives birth to my child and I’m unable to properly please her for however long I would feel bad but still do other things to not only get her off but I want to make her happy in life and know that she has a loyal man who gets the bills paid and can man up to take care of her financially, emotionally and as physically as I am able to.
I’m about 3 1/4 inches when erect but I can accept what I have and it doesn’t discourage me to continue dating women. I live a healthy life and go to the gym often and am successful with my occupation. The only thing I have been insecure about is my penis size and it’s because most women expect every penis to be large or they won’t give sex a chance.
My heart goes out to you. Women who treat men like that are vile and are the scum-of-the-earth.
So she stuck large vibrators in her pussy….why didn’t you? Why didn’t you enjoy what was making her excited?
It’s fine if you didn’t, but don’t blame her. Clearly you were ill suited for each other. It happens in life…..truly MOST relationships end in failure. And they fail for many different reasons, and sex could be part of those reasons.
As evolved as we think we are, we still are very hung up about sexual matters. We have a very difficult time talking about it, expressing what we want and need, and we become very frustrated when our desires are not being met. We very often behave in very childish ways when our feelings get hurt.
I am SOOOO tired of people saying size does NOT matter… It’s usually MEN or women who are tight… I have NEVER had a small man in my life 10 partners(NOT proud), NONE of which were lazy. Girth is ALWAYS important for most women I know…maybe it is a cultural thing, idk… If you’re shorter it’s not a big deal but if you short AND skinny…man, you may need a small made woman…
I’m in love with a tiny guy…NOT SMALL…TINY! If I cup his penis at the base it is SLIM, and barely sticks out of the top of my hand…:( What is worse is the head is larger than the base and it’s angled UP! SEX EFFING SUCKS! His orals are the best I have ever had, and I know why he got that great, but Oral sex and masturbation ONLY make me crave sex…I crave girth…So, he’s always pleased when we’re done and I have a gaping hollow pit in my chest and I just want to cry b/c I NEVER get my itch scratched, and he can’t even hit it from the back (my FAVE)… if he makes a normal pump motion it falls-no comes out…So, he has to make these ultra fast/ultra tiny motions what the HELL MAN! Just typing this makes me wanna puke…So I usually close my eyes and turn my head the other way and just let him pump till he busts, and I try to engage by making noises to please him and not hurt his feelings. I even refuse the orals b/c I need to be ravished after that, and he can’t ravish me…(smack my butt, thrusts, pull my hair, flip me over, yank me closer)…I don’t want plastic…I want a grown ass man! real talk! UGH!
I’m sure if you’re reading this you’re wondering, “why the hell are you with him then?” Well, he started off as my best friend, he fell in love, pursued me, and then I fell in love…NOW, he wants me to marry him, and all I can think about is living the rest of my life pleasing someone who can’t please me back… I don’t blv in cheating…What the heck should I do!?
Oh, and before any of you angry men attack, it’s NOT man bashing, it’s stating FACTs! I mean what would you do if the girl you fell in love with had the MOST horrific Vaginal ODOR or was EXTREMELY DRY or sensitive?? Im quite sure you’d question if you could commit to it for life!?
Wrong. If a woman had vaginal dryness or odor I would still love her. I’d love her for the person she is on the inside because that’s what love is about. Your values are so twisted and screwed-up it’s pathetic. Love is hat matters, not penis size. And it’s far better for a man to live his life with a small penis than a woman to live her life with no heart.
Due to my job I have traveled the country far and wide and have been with well over 100 men in my life, ( I life variety) but I have never had any man that hung over a good 7 inches. So personally for all you guys who are bragging about 8 inch and up, you might just want to re-measure that little fellow, and this time measure from the top side and not the bottom since measuring the extra 4 inches of pelvic bone that extends to your butt hole does not count for weenie size, only the part that you can put inside your woman while you are making love to her.
As for Ms. Sizest, I can think of a few other reasons why he may have appeared small to you. Have you ever considered it just might be you and that he was not totally erect because you did not turn him on? Or maybe he found out he was competing with your ex? I can see that as being a real turn off for any man, big or small. As for penis size in general, unless you are a very large woman I find that anything over 5 inches is more than enough to satisfy me and keep me exploding in continuous squirting orgasms all night long. Yes I learned how to squirt when I was with a man who barely topped 5 inches on the boner scale.
Honestly, it is not the size of the dick that does the trick, but the way it is used and the throb of the knob that does the job! So I say give your new boyfriend a chance and forget about the guy who said he had a big shlong, Besides, did you measure this unique piece of equipment, or are you going by what your ex is telling you since I can not think of a man out there who would not add a few inches on to their fish story. I mean it is no different than the stereotype myth that black men have larger shlongs. Um I have been with few black men myself and comparatively, most of them were smaller than average and the biggest black man I was with was a mere 5 inches if that.
Every woman is different, I’m a medium built woman and I have pretty tight and short vagina. My husband is about “6” with 2inch girth, I can’t take all of it. We are very in tune with each other, you have to know thy self…
I am just a tad shy of 8 inches and am happily married. My wife loves my cock and finds sex very satisfying. She is not a big person either, under 5’5″ and less than 120 lbs. I know that I am the biggest she has ever had and think that if you are lucky enough to have better than average equipment that it helps a relationship work.
i have a small penis ever in this world 3.5 when erect. i sometime avoid gals’ sex offer coz of smallest dick. it real disappoint me and i feel losing my manhood whenever i think having sex with large pussed women. however one day i decided to have a sex with a university lady with a very large puss. i managed to spend more than 45 minutes before ejaculating. she real appreciated and invited me the other day. so guys the size doesn’t matter it is yo technique and the way you position yourself.
HIPPO HOLES require HIPPO POLES! Nuff’said
Any woman who has to have an abnormally large penis has to have an enormously large vagina.
Just enjoy if…I love my tiny dick. I always have and always will. Married many years and now divorced. I do wonder if she enjoyed it or not. However as I said I have no hang ups over it size…just love it. I would love to get an email from a friend or workmate anonymous with a link that they found to my naked pictures showing how small I am…wouldn’t that me fun…
http://www.flickr.com/photos/80467862@N06/
Once a girl told me that crap. She had the nerve to tell me I have a small penis. I looked at her. She was a brunette with black eyes and dark curly hair. She was short and petite.
I found her attractive although my dream girl is red head, green eyes with freckles and tall/slender. The complete opposite.
I thought,man, do I have to tell her how far she is from being the woman I desire? or should I treat her with respect, like I did so far?
I told her, I feel I am fine, and this is how I came to theworld. She insisted, you are the smallest guy I have been with. It occured to me this woman was on a trip to humilliate me, a weird power game in which she self appoints herself as the superior being,k while I was the poor soul. Undeserving of her majesty.
I told her how dissappointed I was of her, and after the experience, I told her it was not my cock that was small ( 5.75 in ) but her pussy was large, always ajar, and dark ( I prefer pink pussies ). In life you have to be accepting and look at the bright side of things. This woman was in my view a monster, a hatemonger, a disgrace as a human being.
Great comments, James. Any woman who can treat a man like that because of penis size is indeed a monster, hatemonger and a disgrace as a human being. That defines all women who claim penis size matters.
Yes any women who says size matters is a monster! How dare they want something YOU don’t have!
How dare they not be grateful and kneel and worship your cock! Well size DOES matter! It can be too small and it can be too big, so size can be important. James, who’s post you are commenting on is a pretty good example of a guy who will take any woman just so he can get laid. His comments about her show just how ill matched they were for each other, yet he was desperate to have a woman, any woman.
The woman in question did not match his level of desperation and chose to end things. Now did she need to say what she said? No….but we are really only hearing his side of the story. We don’t truly know how the entire relationship ending story went.