Dear Em & Lo,
About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person for thinking he has a small penis or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve.
–Sizeist
Dear Sizeist,
We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to my partner’s ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?
But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we highly recommend you give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. You’ve heard about society’s unfair expectation that women try to live up to impossible female beauty standards, right? Well, you’re doing the same thing, except with men and their dicks.
First, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is abberantly long; out of 100 men, only 5 will be longer than 6.3 inches! (Was it really 8 inches, or are you just bad at spatial reasoning?) It’s not like 8-inchers grow on trees and you’ve dated a string of giants and have come to discover (pun intended) that only super-sized schlongs can satisfy you. No, you just had one great experience with one rare “8-inch“ penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.
For a start, some men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex. Oral, manual, anal, toys — it’s all good, and in many cases, better! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, for the standard vagina, the majority of sensation is felt and enjoyed in its outer third, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix pummeled with a battering ram).
On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what more extended and extensive sexual interludes are going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?
Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like. This doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options. We suppose you could post a dating profile specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply. But something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience — or the person himself — converts you? He is a human being after all, not a piece of meat.
Size is just a number,
Em & Lo
I NO way hate men or want to make anyone feel insecure about any aspect of themselves as a person.
I personally am very thin and not very curvy. Since early in my life, I have experienced the cruelty of people judging someone based on physique. Mine being more obvious and public than the size of a guys penis. Growing up I had boys picking on me in front of everyone at school – and being an adult hasnt changed things much. I do have the choice to get plastic surgery but I decided to feel good about myself without mutilating my body. There are always going to be people that just simply are only or more so attracted to certain physical attributes. You have to find the person that is right for you. And there ARE some girls that DO prefer a smaller dick!!! It just isn’t as common to hear just like it isn’t as common to hear a guy say they prefer smaller breasts.
Actually, you’re wrong on the last point. There are many, many men who have spoken publicly about preferring women with small breasts. However, you never hear women speaking out publicly saying they prefer small penises.
Well then I guess women don’t prefer smaller penises….sometimes the truth hurts. Blame nature for playing a cruel trick on you….don’t blame others for not wanting what you’ve got, or more accurately what you don’t got!
You don’t see those discussions Christy because most guys aren’t that calus to sexually degrade a woman on her sex parts like women are to men.You may see the occasional idiot guy blow about large boobs,,,but he is in a very small minority of men who actually care about your cup size.All you see all over the internet are women bashing guys on their size…you also see an out of control suicide rate among males.I don’t give a flying f–k what women have suposedly gone through-there is no eqivalent of judgeing/bashing etc a guy on his size…something he CANNOT control anyway and you stillf–king do it anyway! I agree w/the misandry comment above that is staright away what it is period end of story
I agree. There is no comparison to which gender is hurting the other more. It is women bashing and degrading men far more frequently. The documented proof, as Ted said, is all over the internet.
You’re crazy. Women have been objectified and judged on their looks for centuries. Women undergo risky cosmetic surgery trying to live up to the ideals that men and the media have been perpetuating for decades. For decades Hollywood discarded female actors when they became too old and started to get wrinkles….always more fresh meat coming to Hollywood every day.
The 1st guy to ever give me an orgasm was like 3″ long & 2.5-3 girth. We were together for a while till he cheated. Be wasn’t my 1st but the 1st to make me have a orgasm & yes he have me vaginal orgasms. I have also had a guy that was like over 10″ long & 5″ girth he didn’t hurt me but he also didn’t give me an orgasm. So no to me size isn’t a deciding factor at all. I don’t think guys should be judged on the size of his penis just as I don’t want to be judged on the size of my breast.
I agree. Neither gender should be objectified nor judged by the size of a body part.
I was with a guy for a long time that was 5″ long and 4″ around. I am 5’8 tall so im not petite in size and yet I found him to be somewhat uncomfortable. The next guy I was with had a thinner one and a bit shorter if not the same in length. The sex was much better with the smaller size. It was more comfortable and it got me off easier. It’s sensitive down there and I preferred the less pressure. But more than anything – I was able to perform oral sex on him and that’s a huge turn on for me!
I have heard a lot of guys mention guys in porn – but they look so painfully large – I’ve never desired anything like that. Bigger is not at all better in my opinion.
But there is way more important things that matter (sex related), than just size. Being able to talk about sex, being comfortable with someone on every level, exploring each others bodies, trying new things, and etc. For me, I am not a girl who takes a long time to get off – and I was with a guy who believed all girls wanted to go for a really long time. So there are a lot of misconceptions out there and a lot of important compatibility factors.
I am curious – I always hear the size issue from girls, but what about guys? All girls can not be the same size so why is it so uncommon to see those discussions?
women are misandrous SCUM…
Since the rise of feminism, the sexual revolution, and porn, women’s minds have been poisoned against men so I believe your statement is accurate.
I am about 6-7, depending on the day and level of excitation. My shaft is thickish, but my glans is not that wide. My experience is that it depends on my partner. Some women have said I am too big, but I think the issue there was about relaxation and comfort level. When my partner and I are comfortable with one another and trusting, it all goes well. If I am into a woman I am not going to tell her I wish her breasts were larger or her hair was longer! All in all, I have never heard of a woman dumping a guy she was really into because of his penis. Sex is about more than that. You have hands, fingers, lips, mouth, etc. I liked the woman who commented that her lover’s small penis was more fun to suck on, which makes a lot of sense!
Oh and you judge us on our vaginas too. Wow.
you never hear about men judging women’s vaginas but you always hear about women judging men’s penises. You are completely ignorant to these facts.
YOU are delusional. You’ve been frequently posting about women’s oversized vagina’s. You are a truly disturbed individual who needs to seek professional psychological treatment.
Oh us women are shallow because we like big penises? Coming from men who judge us on our looks,our weight and our breast size. Are you kidding me…..what a joke.
You’re the cruel joke. In today’s society, men judging women’s bodies is unacceptable. However, it continues to be acceptable for women to judge men’s bodies and they are consistently getting away with it. This has to stop.
^ It is neither freakishly long nor average. It is well above average, but not enough to get you a job as a side show. If your dick were a T-shirt, it would be L-XL.
8 inches is freakishly long? I’m 8 inches I’ve never had anyone tell me it’s freakish.
Until this article I thought it was pretty average.
I’m 4.5 approx hard, and I’ve had women propose to me, more than a few have wanted to marry me, I’ve had many girlfriends. Granted, I’ve always been told my looks and personality go a long way, but the sexual relations part is undeniable, I’ve had great sex with more than a handful of women. Of course, I’ve had sex with women who seemed to have really large vaginas, and I don’t think that was so great for her or for me. But there are plenty of women out there with smaller, tighter, and shallower vaginas that match up just fine. I’m also only 5’5″ tall, yet I’ve had great sex with women who are 5’8″, 5’9″. So, yeah I guess I’ve got “2 strikes” in the length and height areas against me but, nothing is insurmountable. I have a gorgeous wife right now (my 2nd, my 1st was also gorgeous), we’ve been together 10 years now. I can’t complain, not in the big scheme of things. So there you go, just my 2 cents. Don’t beat yourself up guys, you’ve only got 1 life to live (unless you believe in reincarnation), so don’t let the opinions of other people dictate whether you should love yourself or not.
I have 4.5-5 long, 4-4.5 girth and my wife says she is completely happy with it. My ex said the same thing. Its me that has a problem with it. I feel inadequate and feel they are saying its ok just to make me feel better. Don’t help me though. Anyways, I am just glad she loves me and treats me good! 😀
As long as you know you have a wife who loves you, that’s what’s important.
Having a small thing really really sucks. I mean you watch porn and only imagine that having a huge thing is the only to satisfy a women. It’s very easy for me to fall in love with women I really like especially when they say they like me too. Lets be honest, the question that runs through my head a billion times is “why is she into me; I’m ugly, short and have a small ‘downstairs'”. I’m on the verge of quitting my love life all because the size of my manhood.
That is so sad. My heart goes out to you. If you have a small penis it would never matter to a kind, compassionate, loving women. The problem is finding those women. Today, they are very rare.
Wow, 572 comments over 3 1/2 years, and still people finding this advice posting! Em and Lo, you got people going with this. OK, I’m a guy and very small downstairs, and I think the original advice is sound, and the comments open, honest, and informative. For women who want: (1) an exclusive/monagamous sexual relationship; (2) satisfying sex as an important part of that relationship; and (3) a feeling of being stretched and filled by a large natural penis (not a dildo, vibrator, or extender sleeve) is essential to satisfying sex, I can understand that. Just tell the guy. If he’s very small, as I am, he should find a playful way to tell a woman who has become a romantic interest before they ever get to the point of stripping each other for sex in full-passion mode. It can be a bit awkward, but there are lots of ways to do it – hints, asking about likes and dislikes in bed. The only time a guy who’s very small shouldn’t disclose is when he thinks she has no interest in having sex with him. Guys with tiny peckers generally don’t chase women just to get them into bed, based soley on lust and physical attraction. The humiliation and negative consequences can be pretty severe.
Sure, I’m never going to wow a woman with vaginal penetrative intercourse. However, if a small one isn’t a dealbreaker for her, I am going to make sure she’s well-pleased in other ways, and then it may be my reward for satisfying her. I learned early-on not to try to make it the main event, or I would leave her frustrated and disappointed.
If it is a dealbreaker in a relationship, or if sex with me just doesn’t do it for her, I begrudge no woman following her dreams and preferences.
^you know what else matters besides the size of a penis? Grammar.