Dear Em & Lo,
About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person for thinking he has a small penis or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve.
–Sizeist
Dear Sizeist,
We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to my partner’s ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?
But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we highly recommend you give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. You’ve heard about society’s unfair expectation that women try to live up to impossible female beauty standards, right? Well, you’re doing the same thing, except with men and their dicks.
First, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is abberantly long; out of 100 men, only 5 will be longer than 6.3 inches! (Was it really 8 inches, or are you just bad at spatial reasoning?) It’s not like 8-inchers grow on trees and you’ve dated a string of giants and have come to discover (pun intended) that only super-sized schlongs can satisfy you. No, you just had one great experience with one rare “8-inch“ penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.
For a start, some men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex. Oral, manual, anal, toys — it’s all good, and in many cases, better! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, for the standard vagina, the majority of sensation is felt and enjoyed in its outer third, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix pummeled with a battering ram).
On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what more extended and extensive sexual interludes are going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?
Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like. This doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options. We suppose you could post a dating profile specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply. But something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience — or the person himself — converts you? He is a human being after all, not a piece of meat.
Size is just a number,
Em & Lo
One thing that is overlooked here is that this is a one sided argument. I have always loved to have girlfriends with larger clitorises, but have also had girlfriends whose clitorises were not so prominent. For those girls who have that fascination or obsession with large penises, hwo do you measure up? What are you bringing to the table, so to speak? Why should a girl with a tiny moesquito bite of a clitoris deman d that her partner have a giant penis? What is good for the goose,is good for the gander.
I’m 4.5′ and all I know is the comments I’ve had heard about me have killed my confidence for the rest of my life and I’m already in my late twenties. I have feel like the women I’m with can always get it better elsewhere. Over something I can’t change makes me feel worthless in bed. Nothing has ever felt as hurtful as being told your penis is small. Women really dont get it. The most insecure creatures of all time. Imagine how you would feel if you couldn’t put on makeup ever again, wear fake eyelashes, throw on heels, get breast implants, color your hair, if your fat u can lose weight, plastic surgery. You have all of these ways to make yourself feel better and more confident in yourself. Yet some women feel the need to mock and ridicule the most sensitive part of a man and destroy his
Mental state for the rest of his life.
Sad but true. Women make men feel awful about a body part they were born with that they cannot change. There is nothing more cruel that a woman can ever do to a man is to judge him on the size of his penis. Those degrading and derogatory comments can leave such hurtful mental and emotional scars that can last a lifetime. No man deserves to be hurt like that but women do it and feel no remorse. Those women are absolute monsters.
Oh, and for the women, stop giving men complexes about their cocks. Like I said above, we’re all different. Just because its not right for you doesn’t mean its not perfect for someone else. If if the intercourse is not cutting it, but you really like the guy, try introducing a different position. Tell him that you love it when he does x. And *don’t* judge by what you see, give the guy a chance. A guy may look small, but it can be a whole different ballgame once tab a is inserted into slot b 😉
ok folks, here’s the deal. Size *does* matter. It matters for both parties. Women who are tight and shallow will always prefer smaller men. Women who are deeper and wider want bigger. There’s a whole are of eastern medicine that helps determine if both parties’ genitalia are suited for each other. Just like ears, noses, breasts, arses, feet and everything else, our genitalia varies from one person to the next.
I happen to be a rather deep woman with a very elastic vagina. I can take large cocks with ease and orgasm well, even when the guy is hitting deep. But, I also have the *best* orgasms from my very average hubby. We’re talking mind blowing multiples. His size is average, but he has taken the time to learn my body and what I like. He’s been with other women who were just way too shallow for him to do even moderately hard thrusting. Its all very personal, is what I’m saying. What blows one woman’s mind may be a total turn off for another.
So my advice to smaller than average guys everywhere is this, learn your woman’s body and you can play her like a harp. If she’s deep, grind it. If she’s shallow, try lighter upward thrusts. Most importantly, talk to each other!
“We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere” Haha Em and Lo get us guys!
PS Size Princess, you sound about as mature as your name.
I agree.
I will say this, I’ve had the big one, and I’ve had the little one. The big one was a surprise and quite painful, not to mention he was straight lazy in the sack…not much foreplay etc. The little one was my favorite. He could go for a few hours, foreplay, lots of it, before we ever even got down to penetration, and when we finally did, WOOOOW!
I do realize that not all largely endowed men are lazy, but to date, I have yet to meet another one and could care less if I do. I prefer someone who is creative in bed, and can ask for what he wants, which makes that easier for me as well.
Sex, intimacy, both of these require good communication, even if it’s just with a FWB. So don’t get it twisted, Giantess has her facts straight and knows that it’s not ALL about size:)
First of all, I prefer larger. I have been with many men, ranging from the size of a baby carrot (literally) (thin and small), I’ve also been with a man whose size I would equate to a standard pill bottle (think 24 cap ibuprofen- short and thicker). String beans, baseball bats (ouch) and everything in between.
I have also been in two long term relationships (2-3 years each.. I am 25 by the way). Both with men who were 8 inches large, and fairly girthy. I have had many short relationships that just end due to “no spark”, all of which have been with men of average or less than average size. I HAVE given these men a try, and try very hard they indeed do. It’s JUST not the same. 6.5 is good. 7 is better. 8 is ideal. 9 is probably too big but I’ll give mr 9 inch the same chance i give mr. 5 inch.
I’m not denying that a lot of what makes a big man better is mental: My best girlfriend the other day in her new relationship finally saw her man’s penis, it was apparently so big that she herself had an orgasm while performing oral sex..??! This guy was so big it turned her on so much to c*m without being touched? If that’s not magic then i don’t know what is…
And guys drop the whole “big vagina” thing. Size of vagina doesn’t matter. All that matters to a man’s pleasure is how STRONG the vagina. Do your kegel exercises ladies (I started at age 12 after reading a horror story in my big sister’s cosmo mag).
I have been with many men and I have NEVER ever had a single experience where the man wasn’t screaming out loud, praying to the sky, trying not to bust before I’m pleasured. EVEN The little guys who gave me terrible sex have told me that I was the tightest thing they had ever experienced.
All things considered, I have had bad sex with men with big penises as well. But it has never been as horrible as the sex with little skinnys.
Bad sex with a man with a big dick > Bad sex with a man with an average dick..
Bottom line: BIGGER IS BETTER and if you don’t want to know, then don’t ask! Seriously.
Loving someone for the person they are is the best. To describe a Scum-of-the-earth woman is all she cares about is sex and size of body parts which is you. You are morally bankrupt and so twisted in your pathetic values. I hope a painful ovarian cancer is in your future. You deserve it from all of the innocent men you hurt just because they didn’t meet your obnoxious standards.
Love is what matters, not penis size. It is far better for a man to live his life with a small penis than a woman to live her life with no heart.
Oh wow that’s average? I thought 8 was average….and I detest being called freakish thank you very much! I’m about 8+ so I assumed it was average -_-
I just hooked up with an amazing man and when we were playing around I pulled down his pants to give a little head and once I did the first things out if his mouth were “I know it’s small, isn’t it?” In such a shameful way. It blew my mind to see someone who is so outgoing, charming, and a true gentleman to become so insecure in a matter of seconds. I said not at all and to never think that and continued on, wondering how this will work.
Well all I can say is it is the best sex of my LIFE! I never have any painful blows are pounded raw. We can go for hours, days, and I think his size is perfect for me! No more fake organisms, just to get it over with because of the rawness. He’s a hit everytime!
Now that is my two cents!
Frank said it. 8 inches and you didn’t have a problem? Sheesh, search about the size of the average women’s vagina.
But, about the whole size issue. Should I have left my ex because her vagina was too short for me? Sex is more than penetration.
I am on the “average” range 4″-7″. If I used it all, she would be hurting. After a few weeks of pain, I asked what was wrong. she told me I was hitting her too hard(I felt soft pushing, nothing much) I said okay. After that I started using HALF(!!!) and she still orgasmed as strong and as often as always. Funny, I actually started using half at first and then after a few weeks used the rest(I even asked permission, SHE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW!) Does size matter? Tested with the same woman/vagina, it had the same effect.
What screws women sexually(and nobody ever tells you) is their freaking psychology. If women actually knew more about sexuality, the physiology(function), the anatomy(size, what and where) and the psychology(desire/lust,the most important part) they would all have great sex lives. What makes a man great in bed? Fix a woman’s “problem”. Always works.
Maybe you just have a very large hoo-ha!!
She probably does.
The 2 best i have ever had have been Mr Big (9″ and very thick) and Mr Average (Maybe 5.5″ and not so girthy)
Mr Big could go for hours, changing positions, stopping to 69, he was not a lazy big man he was passionate and fun.
Mr Average was amazing! made me squirt like a fountain.
I had a man once who was over 8″ and thick and it did please me or at least I felt it much more than an ‘average’ one. But it was difficult to be on top which I like.
My current boyfriend has probably 5.5″ which is very adequate. I didn’t measure him but I figured it out by measuring my palm width 😉 I figure if I can get my hand comfortably around it lengthwise and still move it up and down then we’re doing just fine in the size department and as someone else pointed out it doesn’t gag me like the 8″ would if I got too cocky while giving oral (no pun intended).
I also really love the shape of it, there are definitely cocks that are ‘prettier’ than others (sorry guys if that gives you one more thing to worry about). Also I LOVE the fact he’s not circumcised-so much fun to play with. He also makes me laugh and we can talk about our sex like I’ve never been able to with any other man.
So in other words there’s a lot more to a penis than just length, and so much depends on how you feel about the man. So to answer the original question, it really depends on how you feel about the sex overall. How do you feel both physically and emotionally? Does it feel wonderful or just meh? Are you satisfied with the WHOLE experience or not? If not then My suggestion would be to move on since sex is such a huge part of the intimacy of a relationship and you’ll only be continuously disappointed.
Sizeist, You need an education. Research shows that most women prefer girth, not length. Jamming up against the uterus does nothing to excite a woman. It’s not how deep you fish; it’s how he wiggles the worm. The porn industry has deceived us and we swallowed the lies about size. Most men are between 4 and 6 inches…that’s research, baby. Most women are aroused by foreplay more than penetration. Satisfaction comes from techniques, positions,foreplay, pheremones, artificial scents and women love pillow talk. The more than 9 erogenous zones in a woman’s body don’t need size, honey. But if 8 is your preference you will have a long search.
very true. 4-6 range is where the majority of men measure. She wants 8+ which is an extreme minority of men. Her vagina has to be huge. Otherwise a woman would never have this extremist, abnormal, need.
So who cares if her vagina is huge? If 8+ inches is what she needs then that is what she needs….who are you to judge her? While she might not have many to select from….those men are out there and in greater numbers then smaller men want to admit. And also difficult to admit is that many, many women have been with big men. Doesn’t mean they enjoyed them, or want them…just that they have been with them.
Ha ha ha ha. Bunch of “SIZE-QUEENS” Don’t you girls know that the vagina CAN in fact be stretched out after having sex with “large” men for a number of years. You might find the perfect man, that you love with all of your heart, and he might only be “average” in size (5 to 6 inches), … and you won’t get pleasure, … and believe me, … either will HE. If you are that cavernous down there, a normal sized man wont even get the friction that is needed to orgasm with you. Think before you act! I think todays society is soooo into porn, and everyone believes that a 10 inch penis is normal. Well ladies, a 10 incher belongs in a freak show (or a porno) ha ha ha ha
Very true. Women watch porn and are brainwashed to falsely believe that those huge penises they see are the majority of the male population. They also have such large vaginas that a man with a normal sized penis has been falsely labeled having a small penis when he doesn’t. Women are 100% at fault here.
Well one day, if you ever get up the courage, you might find yourself inside a vagina. Until then you don’t have the right to speak on this topic…a 53 year old virgin isn’t able to speak with degree of knowledge.