Dear Em & Lo,
About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person for thinking he has a small penis or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve.
–Sizeist
Dear Sizeist,
We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to my partner’s ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?
But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we highly recommend you give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. You’ve heard about society’s unfair expectation that women try to live up to impossible female beauty standards, right? Well, you’re doing the same thing, except with men and their dicks.
First, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is abberantly long; out of 100 men, only 5 will be longer than 6.3 inches! (Was it really 8 inches, or are you just bad at spatial reasoning?) It’s not like 8-inchers grow on trees and you’ve dated a string of giants and have come to discover (pun intended) that only super-sized schlongs can satisfy you. No, you just had one great experience with one rare “8-inch“ penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.
For a start, some men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex. Oral, manual, anal, toys — it’s all good, and in many cases, better! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, for the standard vagina, the majority of sensation is felt and enjoyed in its outer third, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix pummeled with a battering ram).
On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what more extended and extensive sexual interludes are going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?
Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like. This doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options. We suppose you could post a dating profile specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply. But something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience — or the person himself — converts you? He is a human being after all, not a piece of meat.
Size is just a number,
Em & Lo
One simple bit of information people often overlook is the fact that women are required to enjoy their sex partners. That is dfntly the point of sex…..both partners are equally responsible for what takes place. In no way should men ever put themselves down or be made to feel in any situation heterosexually intimate that they are not adequate. For some reason ppl get into their heads that women should just flop and lay there and put it all on the man to accomodate their “holy grail” pursuit of sexual pleasure and “their” orgasms. Women who men truly adore are ones whom are forever grateful that the man even chose to lay down and attempt sexual encounters with them “TOGETHER”. With that being said lets all assume their is grounds for the sizest perspective. If the woman can’t feel it or is not able to communicate this emotion then she should immediately move on..barring common sense most women remain confused and secretly uninvolved. This is where most normal men instinctly pick up on a vibe of disatisfaction. Yet women still ponder the man’s adequacy and worth to them. I used to be a very thick (go easy..slow please..wow omg don’t stick that thing in me) type erection. 8.5 x 6 were my dimensions. I had a accident involving high voltage electricution almost four years ago and it clearly coulve been death but thankfully it only screwed with my hormones. This caused me to lose a great portion of length and major girth. Now I am half the man I used to be. They say (doctors) I will someday be able to regain my original lifelong immensely pleasurable to women size but as of yet I only measure 6 x 4.6 so as for all pain and issues associated with erect penis dimensions I can certainly identify with it. My wife thank god adapted so well and she actually swears its so much better for her. I asked even about the skinniness issue and she said resoundingly YES because now we have the added element of pleasure which includes anal play and penetration with my smallness…which she swears again by the amazing orgasms it gives her. I still reach deeply into her sweet spot in doggy and legs to chest positions so she still has those deep orgasms just only squirts or gushes slightly now. Sometimes during spikes of hormones in me I get a little thicker than average and .end up being 7.5 long which is dfntly something that gives me hope. She loves me and my smallness but also she has never layed down in all the years of our marriage and put it all upon me to bring her off to mindblowing orgasms. Women learn about your body and please for gods sake learn to get into a tiny penis. That man can’t help it. Be kind and learn how to enjoy sex with any..and ALL MEN you choose to lay with in perspective passion. ok?
One simple bit of information people often overlook is the fact that women are required to enjoy their sex partners. That is dfntly the point of sex…..both partners are equally responsible for what takes place. In no way should men ever put themselves down or be made to feel in any situation heterosexually intimate that they are not adequate. For some reason ppl get into their heads that women should just flop and lay there and put it all on the man to accomodate their “holy grail” pursuit of sexual
Just to be clear, are these sizes flaccid or erect?
@bemused, actually, you are the ideal size for most women, including myself. Big enough to feel good, and not freakishly large enough to pound someone’s cervix all night and cause pain. I’m not sure where your lady friend is finding all these “10 inch” penises but the only place I’ve seen an assortment of cocks so large has been in the dildo aisle at the toy store. And no, I have no desire to buy them.
I think it was pretty rude of your lady friend to actually tell you that you were the “smallest she’s been with” when most women wouldnt consider you small at all. Whether or not that was the case for her, she should have kept this comment to herself. What, exactly, did she hope to gain from telling you? Make you jealous? What a total lack of respect.
I’m all for 6 to 7.5 inch penises, but if a man fell short, I wouldn’t dream of telling him that to his face. This is the equivalent of telling a woman how much skinnier or more beautiful your ex-girlfriend(s) were. Bemused, ditch the asshole and find a woman who you are just right for. Trust me, there are tons of us out there.
This is a tough subject. For years I thought I was reasonably – not brilliantly – endowed (6.8 inches length, 5.8 inches circum)and, in general women I knew seemed either happy or occasionally, impressed. Recently I was told by a woman I like a great deal that I was the smallest she ever had and that she likes 10 inches or more. Though she explained I was still exciting and made her horny etc that comment ripped my heart out.Now I dont know what to do and my confidence has nosed dived. Ladies and gentleman there are ways to be honest – try not to deliver it in a cruel way.
Large penis does serve an evolutionary advantage. The larger penis is able suction out the previous male sperm when women were not monogamous…. This same thing other animals do. Small penis is here now due to the institution of marriage monogamy and religion. Just say’ I am Ph.D international
Never found size that important when having sex and no gal complained that I had a small 5″ penis.
Going into TMI range: My well hung ex had by far the highest sex drive of any of my partners. In retrospect it was a little depressing to have spent so much time PIV with neither one of us more than “feels good, but…” OTOH with my wife less is more. Since having kids, and Kegels, some times when she’s trying too hard it can almost be painful.
It helps to be lucky
I’m of average length and girth. One of my former girlfriends has a vagina that was always “loose” (she was the female equivalent of well hung), my wife and I fit perfectly. Size does matter, but only as a starting point.
For me the worst case would be having a penis large enough to be painful to the woman I loved. The second would be like the well hung ex of mine…
SizePrincess: Yes, I would very much consider a man bad if he only considered women with blonde hair, and in fact might be more analogous to women with large breasts (and even then, still falls short to the comparison).
I wouldn’t blame a man for a PREFERENCE to blonde hair or a large bust just as everyone can respect a preference to larger penises. But if blonde hair, bust size, or penis size is make-or-break in a relationship despite all else, what would you call it? Insightful? Individualistic? Idiotic?
Your arguments are nonsensical as much as they are ignorant and insensitive. Your analogies are completely off-mark when dealing with ignorance instead of preference. Furthermore, large penises really don’t provide an evolutionary advantage and it’s obvious you don’t know much about evolution beyond a semester’s worth of what you learned in a public middle school.
Nobody’s saying women can’t like larger penises more than smaller. Got that through your thick head?
Well said. You definitely did speak the truth.
You most certainly have the right to demand a large penis in your prospective suitors. However, I believe they also have the right to demand quintisential male aesthetic standards- your bust size should be atleast above 38dd to 40dd cup size. You should also have a bubble butt. Can you satisfy such impossible aesthetic standards. If yes, sure you can. Otherwise , kindly trim your standards. Whats sauce for the goose should be sauce for the gander.
^ You have a right to hate anyone you want, but your hatred won’t have any impact on her and will only drive you nuts. Hatred is unhealthy. So is thinking of casual sex partners as “cum dumpsters”.
What if my dick isn’t big enough to ram her cervix, but our personallities are 110% compatible, and she leaves me because of my size? I feel I have a right to hate that woman, because yes, sex is very important, but its not everything. If I wanted was sex I wouldn’t cause about any time of relationship, just would want a cum dumpster.
This is the most SEX NEGATIVE thread ive ever seen,especially since this site prides itself on being SEX POSITIVE…no wonder males are responsible for over 75% of all suicides in America.This is disgusting and honestly cannot believe what im reading.There is absolutely NO justification for these comments or this tread.
I agree. Em&Lo made the irresponsible decision of publishing that letter and this thread has been polluted with the most cruel, obnoxious, comments from women. These women are examples of why men avoid relationships with women today.
Why on earth is somebody comparing clitoris size? As if that would be hurtful to be told that my clit wasn’t big enough. 😛 Nice try though. Guys, please stop being so butt hurt. A woman is not a BAD woman for wanting a man with a large(er) cock. A man is not a bad man if hr only dates blondes. As a matter of fact I have only heard men of average or smaller size using the whole “a woman is shallow if she would disregard a man for what he can’t change”. This is a defense mechanism. So is claiming that big men are lazy in bed. The best men with the most amazing oral skills I’ve has have been big (these men are often more experienced). Bottom line- you guys with the little ds are perfectly adequate for somebody, just potentially not for women who are experienced, great in bed themselves and know that they can get exactly what they want.
If you truly believe that only shallow women like average plus penises, I dare you to consider what your girlfriend would think if asked the question: “If you had two clones standing in front of you and they were both me bur one has a smaller penis that i do and one a larger, would you choose the me with a 4.5 inch d or a 7?…. Chances are your caring gf will show you that size just DOES matter. Deal with it. Nobody is perfect bit nobody is blaming you for that. Please stop being defensive. Large penises serve an evolutionary advantage and it is just natural as a woman not to want to deal with a baby dick for the rest of your life.
You are a disgrace and a failure both as a woman and human being. Love is what matters, not penis size. It is far better to live your life as a man with a small penis than as a woman with no heart. Sizeprincess, living your life with no heart, compassion, nor intelligence, is a fate worse than death. You should pitied for your pathetic existence.