Dear Em & Lo,
About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person for thinking he has a small penis or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve.
–Sizeist
Dear Sizeist,
We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to my partner’s ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?
But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we highly recommend you give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. You’ve heard about society’s unfair expectation that women try to live up to impossible female beauty standards, right? Well, you’re doing the same thing, except with men and their dicks.
First, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is abberantly long; out of 100 men, only 5 will be longer than 6.3 inches! (Was it really 8 inches, or are you just bad at spatial reasoning?) It’s not like 8-inchers grow on trees and you’ve dated a string of giants and have come to discover (pun intended) that only super-sized schlongs can satisfy you. No, you just had one great experience with one rare “8-inch“ penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.
For a start, some men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex. Oral, manual, anal, toys — it’s all good, and in many cases, better! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, for the standard vagina, the majority of sensation is felt and enjoyed in its outer third, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix pummeled with a battering ram).
On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what more extended and extensive sexual interludes are going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?
Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like. This doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options. We suppose you could post a dating profile specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply. But something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience — or the person himself — converts you? He is a human being after all, not a piece of meat.
Size is just a number,
Em & Lo
Be serious size princess, u cant fool me and give me advice n confidence- a woman like u with such.mediocre results in her love life shouldnt give advice on confidence, the same way i wouldnt take nutrition advice from a fat person at macdonalds
SUCCESS WHETHER IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP OR CAREER IS NOT SOMETHING YOU CANNOTN PURSUE, ITS SOMETHING THAT U CAN ATTRACT TOU BASED ON THE PERSON U BECOME…..A truly confident woman wouls kno
To size princess, hope u take my advice, u want basically the pefect man, a perfect man the way u described would never be single, a man who is single is someone who lacks those qualities and those are the men available to u…u claim to be a confident womem who doesnt settle, then why settle to.date a guy who is immature, where are ur options? U want a well-endowed man, what if he was a great lover but average in the sack, why is it a necessity to have a guy with a big dick, also shows that u must be loose dowm there,whyuwould a well-ENDOWED man want that?
to Mustlovedogs-u said u haven’t had the relationshio you wanted for a long time-well that’s because you lacked confidence for a long time just like sizeprincess,u don’t have the necessary qualities to have the relationship of your dream, if u want a partner that’s hones, open, adventurous, humurous, and who is good in bed, then you need to develop these QUALITIES IN YOURSELF , YOU HAVE TO BECOME THE RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU DREAM OF, not blame the partner that you dated that didn’t measure to your standards of deservingness, u prolly want the perfect man yet you are so imperfect yourself, if you yourself possesss all the qualities that you would want in your partner, you would be in that TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP, if you are not in the type of relationship that you DREAM OF, then you don’t have THE QUALITIES AT LEAST YET TO BE IN THAT TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP, It’s that simple….stop looking outside of yourself and changing the result, the result is outside of you, look inside of you, you are holding YOURSELF BACK….ITS TIME YOU TAKE RESPONSABILITY FOR YOUR POOR CHOICES
hi size princess, i gotta to say, you toned it down quite a bit, looks like i humbled u down…thank you for humbling down, u said “u broke up with your boyfriend over immaturity” remember that you cannot see flaws in other people THAT YOU DON’T HAVE FOR YOURSELF”, read about a PARADIGM, PARADIGM CONTROLS YOUR LOGIC, THE AMOUNT OF MONEY YOU MAKE, YOUR PERCEPTION OF SITUATIONS AND EVEN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS, so if U SEE IMMATURITY IN THAT GUY THAT U DATED, THEN IT MEANS THAR YOUR PARADIGM CONTAINS IMMATURITY, ITS THE SAD TRUTH,paradigm is a subconcious conditionning or programming that happens to us mainly in the first 6 yrs of our life, so everything i said had some truths, that’s why u humbled down, but the problem is its subconcious, so u are unaware of it, so if u have 2 successful break-ups, not successful relationships, your paradigm decided that, not u sweetheart, you are only concious only 5% of the time, you are unconcious 95% OF THE TIme, u still think all i said was bullshit,YOUR PARADIGM DICTATES THE TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE, and your paradigm is a subconcious condionning that you got from other people/family,media, friends, so you are not having the relationship you desire, you are in the relationship that you have been programmed by your peers to be in…so much for being confident when u have no free will in the relationships you’ve been in….and if u dont change your paradigm, then you will continue to have break-ups, STOP LOOKING OUTSIDE OF YOURSELF FOR THE RESULTS THAT YOU ARE HAVING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS/STOP BLAMING THAT GUY FOR WHY U BROKE UP WITH HIM.u didn’t break up with him, you paradigm dictated that.so when i mentioned all this things in my previous comment, well its true,your paradigm have your beliefs whether limiting or empowering, if u have 2 breaks ups in your relationships, then YOU have limiting beliefs, has nothing to do with your ex bf. conciously you might say your confident, but sub-conciously the other limiting beliefs about who you are and how you perceive yourself will control u.so i have 2 break-ups in your relationship, u MUST CHANGE YOUR PARADIGM, I Hope u understand what im taking about ….confident women have breaks ups….especially not 2 and other small relationships in between.hope this is not too much of a shock to u right now, u prolly thought that u used your free-will and confidence to make the decisions that you made but sorry , the paradigm controls the beliefs which controls the feelings which dictates the actions which then creates the results you are getting in your life but U DONT NOTICE IT because its’s subconcious, meaning below-conciousness, develop yourself, u lack confidence due to your limiting beliefs lurking in your paradigm, u cant be confident and have limiting beliefs, ask yourself are u living your dream life, have your dream car, dream, house ,dream relationship, dream body, dream, social life, if not , limiting beliefs in your paradigm exists causing a lack of self confidence….. sorry to break it to you….here’s some advice for you take on your journey…
have a good life
lots of love
cheers look forr
To size princess- read your first comment- THATS A RANT – but tp bring out facts 2-3 yr raltionship is not sucessful relationships- u said u broke up over immaturity- U ATTRACT WHO U ARE, WHY WOULD a confident woman date an immature person?see sweetheart u can be confident and give your consent to date a guy who is immature, if hes immature all the.signs were there u didnt see it, why?very uncharacteristic of a confident woman, dont u think?but i do agree that people are attacking u, but what u say doesnt make sense,want proof, do u know what a paradigm is? Read about it, you will see what i mean
I agree that size princess may be a little insensitive but I don’t think she’s completely out of line here. I too am somebody who knows what I want, and after years of not getting it, I will now only settle for a man that I have decided to be the most compatible with me. There are a lot of mysogynists in this thread. Men who boast about how they are the perfect gentlemen, handsome, so great to their partner yet due to their average penis, and being rejected as a result, are jaded, not so nice Mr Nice Guys. Yet these same men will slut-shame women for being confident and sexual even accusing them of being disposable toys in essence. Threatened by confident, albeit maybe arrogant women that they believe to be deserving of being worn down to nothing. We’re all on different paths in life here. Instead of cutting down somebody who doesn’t share your views or even personality, maybe we should spend our energy finding somebody who does whether that be a girl with DD breasts, bubble butt; a man with a 10 inch penis; etc. Or the humble girl next door. This thread is so full of hate it is disturbing.
For folks that didn’t catch on at some point in young adulthood: claiming that >7″ is virtually all she’s ever seen means, to be blunt, that she’s either horrible at ‘eyeballing’ measurements, has had very few partners, or has had few (if any) partners and is making BS claims based on porn (or what friends into porn have told her) in order to seem experienced.
It’s similar to the way a lot of teenagers get the impression that “everyone” is having sex, and thus make statements suggesting that they’re sexually active in order to not seem like a “loser.” I’ve known a few people that still tried to make themselves sound more active than in reality as adults, but they’re always the ones whose self-esteem comes from attracting others sexually…
Keep that kind of thing in mind if some gal claims that under 6.5″ is tiny… Or envision the story my mother periodically likes to recount from her hippie days: a guy-friend that spent the night post-party at the house she & friends rented climbed naked into one of the girl’s beds in hope of some nookie, and she was willing until she noticed how big he was (I think it was like 10″) — at which point the entire house heard her screaming in horror “get that giant THING away from me!!” So you might only be average in size, but at least chances are that no woman will scream in horror upon sight. 🙂
Isn’t all about attraction? Can’t women be attracted to a snall penis? I mean its bigger than their clit and lesbian kovers don’t even have a penis involved in their. lovemaking..right?
Ugh! Hate having this problem, honestly the only guy I’ve been with who’s penis is smaller than my hand (wrist to tip which is 6 1/2 inches.. We dont nees a ruler TJ^^^) but hes perfect! Head is amazing tho… :/
Lilly:
“In truth I knew only 3 guys who were under the 7′ mark. Two were 16, one was 17. ”
LOL, I’m always hearing this kind of shit. And yet, I have never once had a girl take a ruler to my dick.
^ Well, she married you, so you should consider yourself lucky that you found a woman with the perfect vagina for your penis.
My wife continually tells me that my penis is perfect. But I just don’t buy it. I’m about 4.5-5 inches long and about 4.5 inches girth. She was with 3 other men before me and says 2 were bigger and one was smaller. She also says that the biggest was only 6 long and just a little thicker than me. Is it possible that she only thinks I’m ok because she hasn’t had a huge one? Or is she just saying I’m perfect to make me feel better? I have confidence issues, but her vagina feels tight to me and I can’t get but 2 fingers in. She says 3 hurts really bad. Should I just consider myself lucky that I found a small vagina for my small penis, or should I worry that deep down she really wants more?
Gotta weigh in here folks……………..We all have our preferences. This relationship is starting out and if penis size is very important, then it’s not going to work for her. If you fall in love and love everything else about him, then there are toys. The old expression ‘it’s not the size of your ship it’s how you sail it’, in my opinion is true. Look on the positive side, he may be perfect for anal sex – I wouldn’t want 8″ up there! Don’t let that be a drawback. 4″ to 6″ is a normal size. If you like the guy, then go for it. There’s more to sex than penis size!
According to most statistics, I have an exactly average penis size. It’s too bad that there aren’t statistics about average vagina size and musculature. And I do know about the doctrinaire view that a vagina can stretch or shrink to fit any size penis, and I call bullshit on that. There are limits in both directions, and I think much depends on the woman’s genetic makeup and physical conditioning. Some women simply have great pelvic muscles, just like some guys are born to have washboard abs. Other women have weak pelvic muscles, and Kegels can help there. Vaginal delivery of children can have a large impact, and that also depends a lot on genetics and conditioning. One thing that no amount of Kegels can help is the effect of vaginal delivery on the rugae, the folds in the vaginal lining that often get “ironed out” by childbirth. Ask any good OB-GYN.
I have been with women who have had children and were very tight, and yes, there was plenty of foreplay and lubrication, so it wasn’t that. Sometimes they were simply too tight and it was uncomfortable for both of us. I have no idea how they had vaginal deliveries and were still that tight. That’s why I think genetics is involved.
I have also been with women – some in my youth, so it wasn’t age – who never had children and yet whose vagina was so wide relative to my girth that I almost didn’t touch sides. And that didn’t feel good. Sure, one can compensate, but it’s not the same as a good fit.
I was with one woman who lubricated so copiously that it took away sensation, even though she was a snug fit.
And like Goldilocks, I have at times been lucky enough to find a fit that was “just right”. Those times were heavenly.
I can sympathize with the size queens. If there is a serious girth mismatch, it can be frustrating for both partners. But I wonder why it’s always a case of the penis being too small and never the vagina too big? I think there’s lots of “dickism” going on in the world, and us guys end up with all the responsibility for having the right sized equipment. It just ain’t so – it works both ways. It’s worth bearing in mind that the bell curve works against people who deviate too far from the norm, so average sized guys have more chance of finding a good fit than those at either extreme.
As a closing comment, I will say that there are some women – alas, all too few – who have (for me) an intoxicating combination of snugness, lubrication, velvety vaginal texture, responsiveness, and passionate and loving natures. Would I reject a woman who did not have all this? No. Does fit play an important part? Absolutely. If there is a serious size mismatch, as many women here will tell you, it can ruin the sex and the relationship. But that’s true of any serious mismatch, including how passionate you both are.
I would like to say there is nothing wrong with a preference but you should be a bit more sensitive to people’s feelings. I personally don’t need anything that big. Making love is supposed to be pleasurable not painful. I dated a well endowed fellow and I could never have an orgasm bc it hurt so bad, all I could think abt was when it would be over and I would ask him to stop but all he cared abt was getting him “getting off” didn’t care that I was hurting.