Comment: It’s Not Appropriate to Teach Your Kids About Oral

A reader calling themselves “Normal Person” (as opposed to the rest of you perverts, we suppose?) took us to task for our list of “10 Things We Will Tell Our Sons About Sex.” For the record, our sons are both three, so our Serious Conversations with them are currently limited to the importance of sharing toys, eating broccoli, and not pulling down their underwear in public. (Then again, we know some fully grown men not entirely capable in these areas.) And as we said to Normal Person in the comments section, perhaps we wrote that list so we wouldn’t have to talk to our sons about the importance of reciprocity in oral sex.

Still, we think it’s worth imparting to boys the idea that receiving oral isn’t an entitlement, and that vaginas aren’t gross. Way too many men grow up believing this. Then again, ask us ten years from now, when our sons are teenagers, how much of this we’re still willing to impart!

Here’s what Normal Person had to say:

I sure hope you, the mother, are not actually having a conversation with your son about “Oral should be reciprocal.” Lack of boundaries, interjecting yourself into his development in this area. I think he will feel uncomfortable talking to his mom about that — find someone else. This is more about you and your politics and worldview than ensuring the healthy development of your son, if you think it’s appropriate to talk about cunnilingus with your young son.

Think about the creepy equivalent of your father sitting you down to have a “talk” with you and explain that it is important to give blowjobs to your boyfriend if he offers to pleasure you. WTF? I really don’t think you need to interject yourself into this in your parent child relationship.

You may think these issues are important for a man to know if he wants to be a good boyfriend, but it should under no circumstance come from you if you are getting into such specifics. Totally inappropriate. I promise you he will be very uncomfortable.



  1. Interesting. The assumption is that the two of you, as the female parents, would relay that information. Yet, the last thing you say when introducing the list is the following: “Here are the top ten things we want them — eventually — to know and understand.” That does not mean that you will personally be transmitting this information. It could come from the father, another trusted male figure, or even from them reading one of your books.

    As to Normal Person, she said “This is more about you and your politics and worldview.” I always thought it was a parent’s right to teach their children about their politics and worldview. Some children will eventually reject this position, to the dismay of many parents, and other will adopt it. I have many friends who were subjected to an unwanted religious education because of their parents politics and worldview. It was their parents’ right to try and instill their values on their children until they were old enough to make their own choices.

  2. Also, don’t know if you’re Louis CK fans, but for the most hilariously mortifying parent/child sex talk ever, look up the episode “Bully” on Netflix. It’s the opening scene.

  3. Elmo & Lightning McQueen are both male, so there’s your “it’s ok to be gay” lesson too – two birds with one stone!

  4. Johnny, if you can think of a way to do that involving Lightning McQueen and Elmo, we’re on it!

  5. A dude here – I think it’s great that you’re open with your children about sex. I truly think that’s the right way to go. But I don’t know if telling your boys that they should reciprocate oral sex is such a good idea.

    Yes, we live in a society where many boys and men grow up thinking they are obligated to a woman’s pleasure.

    But I think the message more should be “your sexual relationship will flourish if it is loving, balanced, and as pleasurable for each of you. There may be things that get her off that you’re not used to. You should be as open minded as you want her to be.”

    You’re definitely not perverts for wanting to teach your sons about sex etiquette. My parents and I are very open about sex, but my penis would shrivel up and fall off if my mom started telling me to make sure I reciprocate oral sex.

    Mom: Make sure you stimulate the clitoris, honey!

  6. Ha ha – Normal Reader’s got a point. Maybe tell them now, before they’re old enough to remember the conversation, and hope it sticks?

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