Comment of the Week: On Men and Cheating

“I am a man, young, full of testosterone. [I] run, surf, box and practice Tae Kwen Do. I do not accept that explanation about testosterone being culprit for cheating. That is the excuse of the imbecile, the boorish and the mentally retarded.”

James, commenting on the poll “Would You Cheat…


  1. i am 45 years old. i am a person of good character. i have great respect and great love for my boyfriend. i have never cheated in my life. but three days ago i kissed another man in an attempt to find a comfort level with my boyfriend’s desire to swap. i confessed all. i didn’t enjoy it. i didn’t get turned on. it was a bad decision made in a drunken stupor. i am stupid stupid stupid.

    my boyfriend won’t see me now. i guess i’ll have to start calling him my ex-boyfriend.

  2. Well said James. It only comes down to character and respect, these qualities and gender are not mutually exclusive.

  3. Rei,

    No, I am a firm believer in failthful monogomous relationships (16 years and counting) and my viewpoint is not the result of trying to justify anything. It is the result of a worldview that doesn’t label people and accepts that sometimes good people do bad things. I’ll admit my viewpoint has mellowed with age, but on a fundamental level, I’m not comfortable with levelling that kind of judgment against someone.

  4. Nic, does your comment suggest you’ve cheated before? I seriously think people who cheat cannot control themselves, have lack of disciplinary actions, and are inferior. I’m sorry, its how I feel on the subject. Go watch ‘Cheaters’ the show on TV. Breaking up families and hurting your loved one’s feelings are big mistakes. And I know cheating people weigh in on those when they cheat.

  5. While I get what you’re saying James – I think, in general, it’s better to stay away from using the phrase “mentally retarded” as a negative… even if your point is valid. As someone who works with developmentally, mentally and emotionally challenged people often, I can say with absolute certainty that your comments would probably deeply offend certain parts of the population.

    Just to reiterate – I really do understand what you meant, and I am not attacking you … Just offering some friendly advice. 🙂

  6. Johnny.

    I am not attributing distasteful behavior or thought to the mentally retarded.
    What it is writ and evident in my post is that the mentally retarded might not be in a position to think clearly and discern , therefore the excuses of the caliber expressed by other participants , if presented in earnest, could only be the product of a mind that can not understand the situation.
    A mentally challenged person is excused on grounds of condition from criticism, a person with full capacity and sound mind has no grounds to present such childish excuses for cheating.

  7. Attributing distasteful behavior or thought to the mentally retarded is boorish, first of all. To a certain population, that line of thinking is highly bigoted.

    Second of all, I do agree with the point – women cheat just as much as men.

  8. I think the statement is great and emphasizes the right issue – personal responsibility. I’m not endorsing or excusing cheating, but I do think labelling someone who is unfaithful as automatically “inferior” is an oversimplification of the issue. People are not perfect and sometimes, in a perfect storm scenario, they make the wrong choice. It doesn’t make that decision excusable (and to some perhaps not even understandable), but it doesn’t necessarily make them an inferior person. In my opinion, someone who learns from their mistakes and takes responsibility for a bad decision ought not to be defined solely by that bad decision and labelled inferior.

  9. He is a smart man!! We need more of those in this world, too many guys act like cave man animals, and think with their penis far too much. Anyone, guy or girl, who cheats is just plain weak, and are inferior people.

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