Dear Em & Lo: I Miss My Army Husband. So Does My Libido.


Dear Em & Lo,
I am a new army wife having a very difficult time. The lack of intimacy and sex is much harder than I had thought it would be. My usual sex drive had gone from very high to pretty low over the last year, so I didn’t think the lack of sex would be my biggest problem. Boy was I wrong…. What should I do?
— Home Alone

Dear Home Alone,

We have to admit, we almost didn’t answer your question, because we’re not entirely sure we have a particularly helpful answer for you. But then we figured, the least we can do for our country, in a time of war, is to help out a horny army wife in need. (That sounded more like a cheesy porno title than we meant it to.)

Okay, first things first: You are masturbating, right? Because if you’re not, then our job is simple: You’ve got to start self-loving! Every time you feel the itch, scratch it! (Not literally, of course, unless that’s your thing.) Buy some decent lube, treat yourself a proper, grown-up sex toy (we can’t think of a better reason to splurge on a Jimmyjane!), and spend some quality time with a romance novel/graphic novel/erotica collection/episode of Gossip Girl/porno/whatever your favorite turn-on is in the absence of your hero husband.

But it’s probably going to take more than that, because you say that you’re missing not just sex, but also intimacy. So the trickier question is, how can you make masturbation feel more intimate?

Well, you start by treating it like sex, rather than treating it like brushing your teeth. Sure, you could just grab your vibe, place it where it counts, and let it do its thing. And sure, you might even climax that way. But there are more intense experiences to be had if you seduce yourself first: take a long bubble bath with a glass of wine, dim the lights, play some sultry tunes. You know, everything that you’d do if you were about to have yay-the-war-is-over sex with your hubby.

And don’t neglect your fantasy life. Vibrators are so powerful these days, so freakin’ reliable, that it’s easy to get lazy about fantasizing and just let the mechanics take over. After all, a work-horse like the Hitachi Magic Wand can sometimes get the job done whether you’re in the mood for it or not! But that’s no excuse not to get in the mood. That’s where the romance novels et al come in.

Also, if you’ve always relied on a toy, maybe try experimenting with just your right hand and some lube — that might help things feel a little more, well, personal.

If your man is game, perhaps he’d be willing to provide some fantasy material for you. (How could he object? We think that every guy secretly wants to be objectified!) Ask him to write you a love and/or lust letter. Have him send you a recent picture of himself with his shirt off — that’s innocent enough, but maybe all you need to feel a little closer to his bod. If on the off chance he has some privacy, he could record that naughty letter on tape, or take a more revealing picture of himself. If you just can’t wait, why not watch some online videos on sites like av女優介紹? You might even find inspiration for next time…

If you’re too shy to ask while he’s away — or he’s too shy to oblige you — then write him a dirty letter, telling him everything you wish he was doing to you right now, and everything you wish you could do to him. Getting that kind of letter from you may be all the inspiration he needs to start a filthy back-and-forth. But if you’re worried it’ll end up in the wrong hands, you don’t even have to send it — just write it to get yourself more in the mood and feel more connected to him. You could also just imagine him reading it (or, what the hell, imagine it getting into the wrong hands if that turns you on!). Then stash the letter in your night-stand for those occasions when you’re missing him.

Hang in there! And just think of how happy your husband is going to be to get back to a spouse whose libido has gone through the roof! Now that’s the kind of home-coming every soldier deserves.

Weaker women than you,
Em & Lo

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  1. it’s really touching to hear these women be willing to give up their husbands to the government. I know if my (non-existant-for-now) hubby had to go to war, it would be with me kicking and screaming. My heart goes out to you girls, and the effort that comes with being faithful, or being patient.

  2. I had a boyfriend who was overseas in the Navy for atleast 11 months out of the year at a time… and I too didn’t think lack of sex would be an issue but I was wrong.

    Dirty letters…totally work. And they don’t have to be all-inclusive, full of every minute detail..or atleast they didn’t for us. I started including in my letters a line here, a short seemingly side-tracking paragraph here, just to let him know that I was thinking about how amazing he made me feel, that I missed hearing his breathing while he slept, wanted to smell him, how I missed waking him up with Hershey syrup kisses, reminded him about that time we pitched a tent in his backyard and I wouldn’t let him leave for days but to go to the kitchen and retrieve food & water…

    When I started doing that, I felt really awkward about it and didn’t know how he would react, or if he would catch onto my incredible subtle wording or out-of-context references. However, my man knew me…he pawed over those letters like there were me laying in front of him. His responses started to include the same, and he got really into it. The momentum would just keep growing with each correspondence. A few had some downright X-rated middles. I saved every letter, note, card and put the ones with the “goodies” in a special place where I could pull them out and sift through them when I felt that need to be with/in/on him. Sometimes, just writing the letter, or thinking about what to write and allowing myself to drift into the sensual memories that came to mind would be enough to get me going and even calm me down.

    The best thing about those letters, (and I still have ALL of them) was that they weren’t all “dirty” letters. We both maintained our usually back and forth conversation, with bits of sex in between. I think that really added to the feeling of intimacy and some sense of normalcy in our relationship in a time when there was just too much physical space to ignore.

    hope some of that, or any of that helped. last thing I want to say… those three years of millions of miles between us hold some of the most memorable conversations, that we continued to build upon when he finally returned home.

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