Dear Em & Lo, Should I End This Relationship?

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Dear Em & Lo,

Me and my bf have been dating 2 years. He used to swing but says he’s not into that life anymore. I have seen text and facebook messages to/from other women where he asks what they are wearing or he’s telling them they look good; he was a code on his phone; he goes to hang out with his friends and comes back with condom in his pocket. Now I’m not a damn fool: condoms come in a pack of 2. But then he says I shouldn’t be going through his stuff. The other day he told me he’s wants to marry me for companionship. We in our mid 30’s. Should I end this relationship?

— Confused

Dear Confused,



Em & Lo




    You deserve better than this, no matter how far into the relationship or how old you are.

  2. I’ll echo that “yes.” Yes, you should end your relationship.

    Let’s put it this way: if you’ve reached a point where you feel a need to go through her or his email, pockets, attempt to break his phone codes, etc., then one of two things has happened:

    * You’ve already completely lost trust with them (I think you’re in this situation)

    * You’re effectively “stalking” and/or controlling and/or otherwise losing track of the… well… boundary between intimacy and boundaries.

    Again, I think you’re in the first situation. But really, either way, if someone in a relationship is feeling compelled to cross those kinds of boundaries then one or the other member should end the relationship.

    Shorter version (but not as short as Em & Lo’s) would be: Relationship? He’s using condoms behind your back! You’re cracking his accounts behind his back! What relationship?!?!


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