Dear Em & Lo, Why Am I Still Hung Up on My Ex?

photo via Flickr

Dear Em & Lo,

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of two and a half solid years and then we were on and off for another year or so. I moved on to a kid I had been dating during the ‘off’ time with my previous boyfriend. I was fine and having a great time with my new boy until about a week ago when I found out my ex-boyfriend moved on as well. Obviously, I didn’t expect him to wait around for me but I guess it just hit me that we were now over. For real. Now the ex-BF is all I think about. Am I really not over him, or do I only care because I found out he moved on? I assume these feelings I have toward him will eventually pass and I’ll be able to move on for good, because the kid I’m now seeing is great, but I don’t have much experience in the break-up department. Any tips?

–Not As Over Him As I Thought
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Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. Anyway, yeah, there’s this little thing called an ego, and it causes many women to secretly hope that all the men they’ve loved and left will carry a torch for them the rest of their lives. Sure, you hope these men move on and fall in love and marry and have kids and all that…eventually. (After all, you wouldn’t want to carry with you the guilt of having actually ruined a man.)

But still, deep down, many people like the idea that, late at night, those exes’ thoughts occasionally drift to them and how totally amazing they were in bed/on the tennis court/at Jeopardy/etc. It doesn’t mean that you’re still pining for your ex or that you’re meant to be with him or that this new kid on the block you’re dating isn’t all-that. All it means is that you’re human and you’re not a saint and, much as you’d like your ex to be happy, it still causes a twinge when he gets that way.

Our advice is to avoid Facebook at all costs (we know you’re tempted to spend the night Googling until you can find a photo of your ex’s new love–don’t do it, masochist!) and spend the time you save having totally awesome new-guy sex instead. Trust us, this too shall pass.

Em & Lo




  1. I think this is only natural and that both men and woman go through it. I went through it once myself as well. As much as I was tempted to check up on her on social media, I forced myself not to. Whenever the thought of her came into my head, I forced myself to focus on what I have now. Accept that period in your life and live for today, not for yesterday.

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