Dear Em & Lo: Why Isn't He Calling Me Back?

cat_phonephoto by SYD_Rahim

Dear Em & Lo,

I am interested in this man and I think he is interested in me.  I will call him if I am in his area and ask him to grab a drink with me and my friends.  This is usually last minute.  The past two times he was busy and it seemed legit.  However, he doesn’t ever make alternate plans.  I feel if he really wants to see me, he should try to see me no matter what.  What gives?

— Hung Up

Dear H.U.

Argh, don’t make us say it! Your letter is like a trap just to get us to write that stupid catchphrase! We really wish we could think of a more original response. Oh screw it, we’re just gonna go ahead and say it: He’s just not that into you.

Man, that feels good to just let it out. Overuse be damned, sometimes the commercialized old chestnuts say it best. Still, why do we feel so dirty? The only reason we’re being unoriginal is that so many daters — both male and female — are unoriginal in their lameness.

Um, are we supposed to pay someone royalties now?

We’d like to break it down for you and explain the nuance in our answer, but really, there isn’t any. You call; he’s busy; he doesn’t make alternate plans. There are a million things that could be going on… like, for example, he dislikes last-minute plans, he’s a very busy guy, he doesn’t like alcohol, he doesn’t like your friends, he doesn’t have your number, he’s just letting you take the reins, he broke his dialing finger. But every single one of these million things could be easily overcome if he was really into you.

Just not that into coming up with our own catchphrase,
Em & Lo


  1. i do not think that he is really interested in you because any man that you just start talking to that does not want to have a drink with a couple beautiful women (i hope) is eaither not that into you or….GAY as my homeboy has said

  2. Seems like those were excuses that he made up to get out of it. You’re right, he should make alternate plans if he was really trying to see you. Don’t sweat him, just don’t call him anymore and see how he responds to that. If he calls you good, if he doesn’t oh well. Move on to the next guy, someone who will make alternate plans, and just plans in general.

  3. “But every single one of these million things could be easily overcome if he was really into you.”

    That’s pretty much the take home message. To put it another way, consider this:

    Perhaps he does like you, perhaps he is into you, perhaps he does want to spend time with you and see you again. It’s just not enough for him to make sure it happens, not enough to make it a priority. It could be his world or it could be him, but in either case it’s not something you should be devoting much more energy to.

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