Do It Tonight! Mix Up the Pick Up

bar_scenephoto by Andre Natta

A note to straight men: We’re constantly hearing you guys complain that you have to do all the pick-up leg-work. But then when a woman does attempt to hit on you in a bar, you turn around and call her “desperate.” (Er, who made off with your self-esteem, anyway?) Admittedly, you don’t get hit on nearly as often as straight gals do, so you don’t have nearly as much practice at (politely) rejecting an unwelcome advance. Which means that when a brave lady does attempt to buy you a drink or engage you in conversation, you have a tendency to be awkward and weird about it. But what’s so “desperate” about knowing what you want and going for it? She shouldn’t be made to feel like she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down just because she asked you to dance. It’s not like she’s asking you to bear her children. You never know, she may actually just want to use you for sex. So be nice to the women trying to even the playing field!

Oh, and ladies? Keep asking! And try not to take it personally if a guy is a douche when you ask him how he likes his eggs in the morning. He’s just had less practice than you.


  1. I was the first one to start the convo roll with the man I’m currently in a relationship with; He was all for it!!! Some guys are shy, and its true that guys panic when a girl comes up to them, all confident and asks them out. It’s just a front, though, because in a way, the guy doesn’t have to spend the time trying to pick up a girl, because she has done the job already.

  2. Some of the awkwardness on the part of guys could also be a reminder that many men haven’t yet come around to women as having agency when it comes to their sexuality, that it’s something a guy has to “earn” as opposed to both people *wanting* it and wanting to share. (The author of the following post has more writings on this, but I’ll spare y’all for now.)


    Sure, it’s nit-picky, but anyone could get caught off guard by an aggressive advance–did you mean assertive, Johnny?

  3. Most guys get awkward when approached by women because they’re scared stiff.

    It’s a minority of guys who will even make a move on a woman they like, right? Most dudes lack the nerve to even do that. So when a woman comes at them full of sexual energy, they panic and lose it.

    Even the guys who do have the nerve to chat up their favorite hottie can get caught off balance by an aggressive advance. It’s true, we lack experience when it comes to getting hit on.

    That “rejection” isn’t even necessarily a reflection of how attractive the man finds the woman. He might be TOTALLY interested. But he feels insecure and panicky, so he overcompensates by becoming a dick.

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