Do Men Check Out Other Penises in the Locker Room/at the Urinal?

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following:  Do guys check each other out in the locker room? Or what about at the urinal? Not necessarily in an attraction way, just in an “how do I measure up” kind of way?

Straight Married Guy (Fred): Nope. There’s an unspoken rule, at least among straight guys, that in the men’s room you look anywhere but at another man’s equipment. The straight male culture is so incredibly homophobic that the mere suggestion of potential homosexuality that comes from looking — even just for a split second, even accidentally — is what keeps straight guys eyes averted as if every penis were the Lost Arc. (I wonder what the protocol is for gay guys?) The only other John Thomases hetero men ever see is the elephant timber in porn, which doesn’t help at all, so if a guy just has to know how he measures in the real world up he’ll probably resort to asking a woman (and we all know how well that works).

Gay Single Guy (Daniel): Yes, guys check out other guys’ equipment — even if they are straight. This isn’t to say that straight guys actively and persistently look in order to compare one man’s anaconda to another man’s pretzel stick (though I am sure some do), but comparing is something that potentially happens on the sly and in one’s own head (a guy thinks to himself, “Well, he’s certainly bigger than me”).  It’s not unlike women checking out each other’s breasts, except where women feel comfortable commenting on the differences (“Oh, you have such nice boobs” or “Her breasts aren’t that big but they’re perky”), straight guys cannot comment on another man’s wang without being thought of as a homo. Gay guys obviously don’t have that problem, so they’re free to talk — but when they do, it’s waaaaaaaaaay more sexualized. Hahaha!

Straight Single Guy (Mark): Not to put too fine a point on it, but…no, sorry.  Nothing to do with attraction or even comparison — I guess it’s just an unspoken courtesy to give that modicum of privacy in an otherwise exposed situation.  At the urinal, there’s simply the invisible line below which thou shalt not gaze, and in the shower, it’s pretty much the same understanding.  So yeah, guys check each other out in the locker room probably about as often as girls actually have pillow fights in their underwear at slumber parties.  But seriously, I suppose girls are more stereotypically body conscious and comparing-prone, so I’d imagine they’d be the ones more likely to check out what’s doing with their cohorts in that environment and see how they, um, stack up.  But guys are utilitarian — we’re all business in the locker room.  We want to empty our bladders, or shower up and get dressed again, and get out of there to carry on with our busy days of manliness [cue Tim Allen “Home Improvement” sound effect].

In need of a little manly advice?
Ask the Wise Guys Your Own Question Here


  1. I call BS on all of the above. I’m straight, and have been married with kids for over 20 years. I have a small piercing (lorum) at the base of my johnson underneath that I got when I was 20ish, still cant remember why, or if i was even sober, but my wife gets her rocks off on something it does, idk, so i left it… you cant even see it unless you’re looking.

    You would not BELIEVE the amount of unwanted conversations it has started in locker rooms, gym showers, at urinals, even from a married priest in the bathroom at church. All guys that would be so firmly in the ‘straight’ column they could set the standard.

    Point is, that you really have to be looking for much longer than an accidental glance to see it and apparently most straight guys manage to see it and comment on it, use it as an excuse to get a longer look while they’re talking, want a clearer view of the ‘piercing’.

    Do they want to jump my bones? I doubt it, srsly, but most guys are primal insecure about their place on the pecking order and, whether they admit it or not, biggest penis belongs to the alphamale in the room, and they need to know where they stand.

    I guarantee if presidential candidates had to stand naked on a stage, every male in the country would submit and vote for the guy with the biggest pecker every time, regardless of what they said or what their policies were.

  2. I very rarely ever used urinals or locker rooms so no. Why the hell would I want to look at another guys dick?

  3. Guys definitely check out one another, even if just for a second. It’s kind of human nature to see how you stack up. Typically though you don’t see many guys my age at the gym who strut their stuff completely naked. It’s usually only old wrinkly men with button penises and low hanging balls. The only time it isn’t is when this one African guy takes a shower and has no issues walking to and from the shower completely butt naked. Not sure if that’s how they do it in Africa or he just likes to show off. I’d imagine the latter because this man’s penis is enormous. To give you a visual, it resembles a baby’s arm swinging wildly and smacks his thighs as he walks. If it’s quiet enough, you can honestly hear when he is close by the sound of his thing dangling back and forth.

  4. Today’s locker room offers little opportunity for penis-glimpsing anyway.

    It’s a generational thing. To my father and his gym buddies, the locker room is a trip through time back to ancient Greece. They strut around nude, have conversations… I pretty much won’t go to the gym with my dad.

    He and his oldest friend recently told me that when they were boys, gym class swimming lessons took place nude. 25 nude middle school boys splashing around in a pool. I said to my dad, “didn’t it occur to anyone that some paedophilic school administrator was enjoying the hell out of that?” and he replied, “yeah – it occurred to US!”

    Perhaps because of increased sensitivity to that kind of thing, today’s young American man just doesn’t roll like that. Many shower with their bathing suit on. That would be your best chance of seeing another man’s dick, as urinal check-outs are a serious faux pas. Many guys are urinal-humpers anyway, they’re so dick-shy. If you have to take your underwear off you do it quickly and quietly, facing the lockers. And you fucking HURRY, because if a kid walks in you’re going to jail.

Comments are closed.