How One Couple Gets Closer to Go Further… In Bed (Part 1 of 2)

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***Originally Posted on May 2nd, 2013***

Introducing Our “Get Closer Go Further” Project

We’re thrilled to team up with Durex for this “Get Closer to Go Further” project, which encourages committed couples to do just that: build intimacy in order to explore more sexual territories together. And when we say “go further,” we’re not just talking physically, but emotionally, too. Call it the liberating side of being together, a.k.a. long-term monogamy does have its benefits! (So there.) With great tips, challenges, and products, we’ll show you how couples can get more out of their love lives, whether they’re newly committed or married with kids for 20 years!

How It Works

Meet Emma and Seth* (pictured above), a San Francisco-based couple in their mid-twenties that we’ve chosen to be our model couple for testing out the “Get Closer to Go Further” plan. Today, we will tell you a bit about what makes them tick, sexually and emotionally speaking. Then we’ll send them away for a few weeks so they can experiment with a fabulous intimacy kit from Durex — sex toys and lube and sex tips and spa gift certificates, oh my! We will talk to them again after — and we’ll report back here, of course, along with a video of the couple chatting about their experience — to discover what they learned about intimacy and exploration.

About Our Chosen Couple

Emma and Seth met about a year ago — he was playing bocce ball with some friends at the park in San Francisco, while she was on a reading date with herself at the park (how much do you love them both already?). Seth invited Emma to join them — hello, brave man! — and they bonded immediately over their mutual love of the Talking Heads and Wes Anderson films… which segued very nicely into a date to see Moonrise Kingdom together (which is pretty much the most awesomely romantic first date movie we can think of).

Two elements which are key to their entire relationship, from a simple lunch date to what they do in bed together, are laughter and communication. And these elements were there from the very start — Seth says that the first thing he noticed about Emma was “her goofy sense of humor and unforgettable blue eyes.” Meanwhile, the moment Emma fell for Seth was this: “When we first met he described the full scope of the personality of a dog he once knew — afterwards I called my mom and told her I met a really funny and thoughtful guy.”

So how does this translate in the bedroom? In terms of communication, they are both very open about sharing their sexual fantasies with each other — things they want to try, what they like and don’t like. Plus, they are really into debriefing after sex, especially when they’ve tried something new: How was that for you? What could have been different? And so on. And in terms of laughter? They have started to experiment with some light playful domination and submission together, but it involves lots of laughter, Emma says: “Things get hot and heavy, but laughter eases any potential anxieties we may have.”

How They Get Closer

  • On weekends, they love to explore their city, San Francisco, together.
  • They try to find new ways to learn more about each other, such as reading the same book and meeting for a discussion.
  • They are in separate social circles but still spend a lot of time together, e.g. enjoying “parallel time”  together where they are being productive on separate interests while keeping each other company.
  • They both value music, literature, psychology, and the arts, and pursue these interests together.
  • They are very nurturing to each other and love helping each other out and doing favors. Emma says, “This started out by him helping me re-park my car on street cleaning days, which was more of an excuse to hang out on my part — but it actually gave us a nurturing element to our relationship very quickly.”

How They Go Further

  • The safe and supportive environment that they have created together means they both feel free to be sexually creative and expressive, which obviously leads to better sex!
  • Because of this, Emma says:  “I feel more freedom to concentrate on what feels good or what would be fun at that moment, rather than worrying too much if I am doing the right thing. I have been able to lose myself in my pleasure a little more.”
  • To avoid getting into a rut or getting too comfortable in bed together, they are constantly reading books or sending each other articles on new things they might like to try. And they maintain a constant dialogue about sex outside of the bedroom — this is great both for discussing sex in a low-pressure environment, and also for keeping the foreplay going all day long!
  • To get specific, Seth says:  “I’ve learned to speak up more during sex and that dirty talk can really add to the experience. I’ve also learned that I like to play with light power dynamics.”
  • And Emma chimes in, just as specifically: “I’ve learned the beauty of orgasm from nipple stimulation and have grown to accept some kinky things about myself that I was slightly afraid of facing before, like being totally okay with a sexual experience purely based on spanking.” (Yep, we’re pretty sure that everyone has at least one Christian & Ana fantasy worth exploring!)

How They’d Like to Go Even Further

  • Emma is really interested in playing around with gender roles and some role reversal in the bedroom, perhaps even using a strap-0n — Seth says he is hesitant about all of this, but willing to give it a try.
  • Seth, meanwhile, would love more spontaneous outside-of-the-bedroom sexy encounters. He’d also like to experiment with different toys — Emma introduced him to toys at the beginning of the relationship, but they haven’t done that in a while, and he’d like to explore that area again.
  • Emma feels that she should get more up to date and creative in the erotic sex talk department.
  • Of course, if they’re going to accomplish this entire list, Seth thinks that maybe they should invest in some better sound insulation from his neighbors!

But note to readers: It wasn’t always like this! Emma and Seth worked on their relationship and their comfort level together to get there. For example, their first time having intercourse together wasn’t exactly Hollywood-smooth, Emma says: “Despite having had numerous sexy times together before, our first time having intercourse was, as first times often are, a little rocky. It was an intense build-up of desire and then we suddenly, awkwardly, felt unsure of what the other really wanted or liked.” But, as Monty Python would say, it got better! And we have a feeling it will get even better than that… tune in next month to find out all the dirty details.

Try to Get Closer Yourself

In the meantime, you can get a taste of some of the tips and tricks they’ll be trying out on Durex’s special “The Liberating Side of Being Together” website. It’s all about intimacy and partnership — celebrating the positive nature of sexploration with someone you trust.

*They both requested pseudonyms in case they ever have children who like to Google! Everything else in this post, including the cute photo, is a true story.


  1. My boyfriend bought me my first (and second, and third… he makes more money than I do!) vibrator. Even though we aren’t having coitus, we still enjoy doing sexy things together. Like Emma and Seth, we had to work on our communication about our sexual desires, although I was very upfront about all my limits at the beginning.

    I look forward to the next part of this series.

  2. What sweet children. They should only be happy together.

    Men and women today are getting married at about 30 and living to about 90. Advice about how to make monogamy work over decades (hell…over geological time!) seems a bit more useful.

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