How to Have a One-Night Stand in 10 Easy Steps
Yesterday our first weekly column appeared in Metro, the 6th largest circulated newspaper in the U.S., with an audience of more than 1.2 million daily readers in New York, Boston, and Philadelphia. If you’re outside these three cities or missed us on your morning commute, we’ll be reprinting our how-to column, unabridged, every Wednesday. This week’s edition is on one-night stands.
Just because the sex is casual, doesn’t mean your manners should be:
- Don’t have a one-night stand with a co-worker, sibling’s friend, friend’s sibling, ex’s friend, friend’s ex, mail carrier, or anyone else you’re likely to bump into often. Do have one on vacation or a business trip, but only if you don’t have someone waiting at home for you.
- Make sure the fleeting nature of the encounter is mutual; if you think the other person foresees a beautiful relationship developing, abort mission. In the right kind of environment, you might even be able to say, with a cheeky grin, “Let’s have sex and never see each other again.” If not, you’ll just have to intuit things.
- That said, once mutual casual interest is established, no need to harp on the issue (for example, with a post-climax “So just to confirm, I can go now, right?”).
- Keep the emotional baggage light and the mood breezy: Don’t talk about family, exes, therapy, or love. And no candle-light.
- But just because you may not care to see each other again, you still need to care about each other’s safety. Talk about your sexual history and health: “By the way, I have HPV” won’t be so difficult to admit when you’ve only got a fling to lose. And condoms, of course, are a must!
- That said, remember that condoms can’t always protect you from everything (including a fibbing stranger), so don’t be surprised if you wake up with a case of herpes a few weeks from now.
- Because this person doesn’t know you so well, use it as an opportunity to experiment: be a little kinkier, whatever that means for you. Perhaps it’s role-playing and spanking, or perhaps it’s just doing it doggie-style. But if you’re going to attempt any dirty talk, never demand, “Say my name,” just in case the other person already forgot it (awkward). Also, never let a stranger tie you up (duh).
- Remember that reciprocity has to happen now, during this one-and-only session, so be giving…and demanding.
- No need to spoon, but let’s be grownups here: Past midnight, it’s just polite to offer to share your bed for the night — and a cup of coffee the next morning.
- If you never want to see them again, don’t lie and say you’ll call. Go instead with a simple, sincere, “I had a totally awesome time” (high-five optional).
Read Metro online every day right here
Regarding reciprocation, with experience guys can learn enough self-awareness to slow things down when they find themselves getting close when their partner is nowhere near.
Stupid metaphor: one-nighter = not a sprint or a marathon but a 10k.
P.S. Tanja, what about the men who become emotionally attached? Do they have this hormone? Has someone checked? Do the women who don’t have this response to sex have something “wrong” with them in your worldview? To make a hilariously paradoxical statement, generalizations are stupid.
wow, this was pretty sad. I concur with the one person that asked if a one night stand was ever reciprocal for a woman… and no.. mostly not.. Also sex for women releases a bonding hormone and it cna be difficult for her to really let go. To do so she must not be really present in her body to begin with and why have sex like that???
http://www.learningtantra.com I think education is a great idea, forget the one nighters..
I agree with Willie–the size/shape of a female can matter too and it’s just as unfair to ask her as a guy. And things can totally change when a person is about to reach orgasm and blood rushes to the genitals.
I’ve always kind of wondered how a guy deals with a fit he doesn’t find, er, complementary (which doesn’t automatically = “loose”) You don’t know what you’re getting into until, well, you’re in there! I’ve been with guys that aren’t so good at hiding first penetration reactions but they’ve all been very positive ones so it’s all good 🙂
Dez… that would be like asking a girl how loose she is. How would you feel if a guy asked you that? It’s one of those questions that will not get answered honestly by anyone with a small penis or loose vagina.
Why don’t you tell everyone to just run around naked with their genitals exposed!
its easy for a guy to find a good one night stand but what about for the ladies? i always prefer the sexy bedroom eye kind of guys but they end up lacking the inches or a two minute man and i end up not enjoying the night… is it acceptable to ask a guy how big it is then determine if hes good enough?
These sound like great rules. Camelia, hasn’t anyone ever told you as a woman get yours first then he can have his. LOL
high five will be very weird your not borat lol.
there are 2 options to say farewell if the sex was bad then do or say something very weird like start twitching or acting crazy so that you make him/her feel like they slept with a crazy person 2) if it was goo sex then just say farewell or as nora said high five.
hahaha… your right nora. high-five is a must!!!
holy crap you guys are in Metro!
Does reciprocity in fact happen during one-night stands? Isn’t it too easy for the guy to just go for his satisfaction and finish fast?
For me cuddling is HUGE no-no during a one-night stand. It’s far too emotional. In some (not all!) ways I consider it more intimate than sex.
Should mention that means some people aren’t hardwired for cuddling as well.
I think a high-five is the perfect way to bid farewell to a one-night stand!
You can bet your best vibrator I’ll be checking back often to see what sort of comments this article brings about!