How to Kiss and Tell

whisper_secret_421photo by Tuftronic10000

We can’t deny the simple joy of a good, discreet dish session. Follow these rules:

  1. No X-rated group emails. Choose one or two close, tight-lipped friends who can keep their mouths shut. A one-night-stand with someone outside your social circle is fair fodder for a slightly wider audience, as are generic and complimentary comments (“The best missionary sex I’ve ever had!”).
  2. Negative comments about someone’s performance (size, stamina, creativity, body odor, etc.) should be shared sparingly. The same applies to details regarding kinky sex.
  3. The more serious a relationship (i.e. the more time your partner spends with your friends), the less appropriate dishing the dirt becomes. You don’t have to give it up completely — dirt can be an invaluable source of sex education. It’s just polite to consider whether your friends would enjoy your dinner parties more if they knew a little less about each other’s butt plug proclivities.
  4. Finally, it’s rude to exaggerate stories to improve their narrative tension or, um, climax. This nulls any educational benefit, creates false envy or even feelings of inadequacy in your audience (if not suspicion), disrespects your partner and, most importantly, makes you a liar.

From our weekly Metro column — see it in print here.

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