Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only for dream interpretations, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:
I had a dream last night that I had an affair with an ex-boyfriend. I have not seen or dealt with this person in over 10 years. (However I think it’s important you know this ex happens to be a sociopath. When our relationship ended I need to get a restraining order and was in fear of my life.) Anyway in the dream we have sex and then I wake up in the morning and realize the horrible thing I have done. I immediately tell him that it was a huge mistake, we can’t do this again. As I am about to leave my aunt happens to walk in trying to find me. I hide but she ultimately does. I tell her that I know this was a horrible thing to and a huge mistake and now that she has caught me I have ruined my marriage and life for good.
Lauri: It’s not at all uncommon for a woman who has been in an abusive or scary relationship to dream that she is back with that person. There are a couple reasons why. Most often, it is because she hasn’t been able to forgive herself for being in the relationship and because she is holding on to regret, fear and/or shame. It’s kind of like still being in the relationship, because she is allowing it to still live in her head.
This may be the case with you, but let’s go over the details in your dream and see if it isn’t connected to something else. In the dream you wake up. This can usually be connected to some kind of sudden realization in waking life. It was in the morning in the dream, so did something suddenly “dawn” on you recently?
The huge mistake you reference could be the relationship with him but is there anything else more recent that you have suddenly realized was a mistake? Your dream may be using your ex to symbolize what you might call a “crazy” situation in your current life.
You also wind up hiding in the dream, which is a tell-tale sign that there is something in real life you do not want others to know. It could be anything from a situation you hope doesn’t get found out, to an opinion or thought you are keeping to yourself. You are amongst friends here and you are also being kept anonymous, so would you like to share with us what the crazy situation is?
If this doesn’t describe anything going on in your life right now, then this dream may very well be connected to regret you are still harboring over that relationship. The best way to rid yourself of the regret is to write a letter to yourself right before you go to bed. If you still tell yourself you were stupid for being in that relationship and not noticing the red flags sooner, then you need to stop that and write out a forgiveness letter to yourself. I would even include forgiveness of the ex in that letter.
Remember, forgiveness is ultimately to free you, not him. After you feel you have gotten all your thoughts and emotions out in your letter, rip it out of your journal and throw it away. This is a symbolic gesture that your subconscious will understand (the subconscious speaks in a symbolic language); it is letting your subconscious know that you are done with this, it is no longer a part of your psyche and you ridding yourself of it once and for all. This little exercise works wonders. Please give it a try and let us know how it goes!
Visit Lauri’s site, WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams each morning, check out her latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert. You can see all of Lauri’s books here. And hey, if you want your very own pin-up painting of you or your luvva (either vintage or modern), Lauri can do that, too!