My Wife Won’t Have Sex with Me, But She Still Has Sex Dreams

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. If you’ve got a good one, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg just might tell you what it means! Click here to submit yours (18 and older only for dream interpretations, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

My wife refuses sex, saying she doesn’t like sex any more. (We have 2 kids; we had good & wild sex before marriage.) I was ‘active’ before I met her, and I know she resented it that I had other women before her. I am the 1st man she had sex with (although she did have just one boyfriend before, but they never went all the way). 

I cant go on without sex , been trying to lower my exceptions to help her, but she wont compromise.  We’ve been married 10 years, the sex stopped for around the 7th year onwards. I’m 45, she’s 39.

I really thought she turned frigid, until one night not long ago, she was having sex in her dream and said, ‘Harder now, I want you to come inside me.’  I was shocked, and told her; she avoided my questions, didn’t confirm or deny it.  She doesn’t allow me access to her phone and has become more withdrawn than before. Now I’ve been wrecked, I know I love my kids more then anything/anyone, I want to be the best Dad for them and come what may, I’ll be there for them. 

But as a husband, I’m broken beyond words. I’ve decided to move on (it’s hard, but I must), with or without her, for my kids and my sake, I must make a better life for us. As a husband, I just need to know the truth, no matter how bad it is or not, I have to know. 

Did what she say (she was also aroused as her body was moving during the dream) indicate she’s been cheating ?

LauriWhat a tough situation you have.  A sexless marriage is like beer without alcohol. It’ll quench your thirst but isn’t all that much fun. As far as your wife’s sex dream, it isn’t really an indication that she is having an affair. The body doesn’t know the difference between a real event and a dream event so it will react to the event in the dream as if it were real, which explains her movements. There are a whole host of reasons as to why she may have had a sex dream. So no, I would not say it is an indication that she’s cheating. It does, however, suggest that there is still sexual desire in her somewhere. 

I would be more concerned about how she won’t allow you access to her phone than I would be about the sex dream. That’s a much bigger red flag that should be addressed. In my opinion, trust is first and foremost when it comes to a successful marriage.  Sex is the icing on the cake.  Please keep us posted.

Visit Lauri’s site,, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams each morning, check out her latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert. You can see all of Lauri’s books here. And hey, if you want your very own pin-up painting of you or your luvva (either vintage or modern), Lauri can do that, too! 


One Comment

  1. I believe that if she had the sex dream . She is probably dreaming about you . Never accused your wife,spouse, and partner about a sex dream. You should never moved on with your life with another woman. Because the grass is not green on the other side . When you hear those excitements that your wife have had. You should have gave her a good massage for at least 15 to 20 minutes. And than she would have give in. You should never left your wife or child over a sex dream.

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