How Do You Know When a Relationship Is Ending?
Our friend Carrie asked us this question recently — for her, she says she knows the end is nigh when she starts feeling more self-conscious and uncomfortable around the guy. For her friend, it’s when she loses interest in PDA with the partner. How about you: What are your personal tell-tale signs that a relationship is winding down? Post your answers in the comments section below.
it over to me…when i dont care what the hell he thinks, feels or do anymore..
it over when i prefer hang with the girls than being around him.
and with him know its over when he makes everything a problem.
when he does’nt hold me as much, when he gives me dry sex, or no kissing during sex like normal.
when a guy stops kissing you its either one or two things. u have bad breath or HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU,
It is over when the rome is gone.
Chris, I agree, if one lets small stuff irritate them, they most likely WILL end up alone. (Thus, my comments on nagging.) Communication is the key as is working together. Definitely.
But, as for “Sex wears off after years of being together” It doesn’t’ have to, not at all. My Man and I have been having sex together for over 2 decades, and it has never “worn off.”
“New Stuff” yeah, probably. When we first started messing around, sex toys were just not that available, nor commonplace. Even most “bad girls” 😉 back in the day would not have considered anal sex, so, I think you are right about keeping things Fresh. Don’t be afraid to try new things, have no fear, be imaginative.
But, sex doesn’t have to become stale or “wear off” even after a long time with the same person. Even a new lube or finding a really interesting position from the net or a porn movie can contribute to the freshness. There is a way to keep things going. Saw a couple on the news a few days ago, they got married in the nineteen THIRTIES! She was 16 or 17, he wasn’t much older. They were in their 90s, now. They said they still Made Love at least once or twice a month! I know 30 somethings who don’t get around to it that often. (Present company excluded.) The Lust CAN last. As long as there is Love. That’s the way we see it. 🙂
You guys are screwed up, A relationship only works out if the 2 people in it are a team, Sex wears off after years of being together, if you want to try and keep sex good you have to try new stuff (Role Play) ect… Your all gonna be alone if you let small things irritate you, If the communication is gone & the both of you aren’t being a team & working together then its over.
his presence start to irritated me and the idea of havin sex really make me wanna vomit!!!!
Its over for me when another man is catching my attention. Or I cant be intimate with him anymore cuz its just gross
Since it seems that the relationship i am in is about to end…then a lack of intimacy is the sign that is over.
However in other relationships i have had it is the feeling of not wanting to be with him, be close to him or kiss him that tells me it is ending…especially if it is accompanied by feeling sick
Johnny, maybe your girlfriends get overly crabby because you’re bringing the wrong toys to bed…heh.
Johnny Says:
March 9th, 2010 at 1:43 pm
As long as they’re not too big, I’m cool with toys.
Oh, wait… you mean to use on HER?
MmsL knows what’s up! Right on, guys can be annoying nags too.
I’m pretty good about this. I pick my battles, I live and let live. I don’t beat my girl over the head with every little gripe I have. I accept her for who she is. I’ll only bring up the things that really bother me.
Which is why I get particularly aggravated when my laid-back attitude isn’t reciprocated. Makes me think, “don’t go thinking you’re perfect just ’cause I don’t bitch five times a day!”
PDA becomes less frequent when the relationship matures, as well. My Man and I don’t hug and kiss in public as much as we did when I was say, 19. We still touch each other a lot, in public and, of course, in private. But, a lot of that “dating” stuff goes by the wayside as the relationships becomes more ADULT! You don’t make out in public in your 30s and 40s beyond, but often the relationship is still very strong.
Johnny is right about the nagging and criticizing. I have worked hard not to nag My Man. I think it is one of the death knells of a relationship. Stating your opinion, when something is really bothering you is one thing, but “when are you going to….when are you going to…..you said you’d do it and here you sit, and I have to wait, when are you….” It will drive a man away. I saw my mother drive my father away with such ridiculous shit. I vowed never to do it to a man. I have done pretty well so far, I think. My Man has actually commented that “You don’t nag like my buddies wives do.” I’ll take that as a compliment.
And criticizing. Of course, if something is important, but often we fall into the trap of just saying every LITTLE THING that bothers us, when most of it would be better left unsaid. The Man and I made a huge change in our relationship a while ago. We both made a conscious effort to complain less, compliment more, make love more, bitch and whine less and be more tolerant of each other and work on forgiveness and let things slide. It made all the difference. (He actually nags more than I do. It’s something he has to work on, but it’s up to him to remember. I am NOT going to bring it up constantly.)
Back to the question, when a guy calls less frequently (if you are not living together) or takes less effort with his hygiene and appearance, spends more time with other people (not that he can’t see his friends, but if every Friday and Saturday night for the past month has been Boys Night, you are probably in trouble.) If he rarely looks at you, and doesn’t answer questions. Or starts fights about stupid stuff, goes around LOOKING for things to get mad about.
I differ; I believe you can be in love and still have meaningless stuff annoy you. But then you find a way to communicate about that and fix it.
I know a relationship is over when the person does something that is so at odds with what I believed them to me that I no longer like them. Or when I feel ill at the thought of touching them, but those both are usually connected since if someone alienates me emotionally I won’t fancy them any more.
When the thought of kissing him starts to nauseate me and I have to force myself to be intimate with him.
when i don’t hear from him as often… when the near-constant text messages and calls slow down to rarity. when i have to ask when i’ll see him next, and i start to think “maybe he’s just been really busy lately,” but that’s not it.
when i feel nervous about seeing him, as though we’re both “trying” instead of being ourselves.
When, after or during a meaningless fight or when seeing socks on the floor*, I stomp my foot and start thinking “Or maybe we should just break up right away and everyone would be better off”. And if this thought comes up more often, and starts to linger, and then suddenly my mind can get used to the idea that breaking up would actually not be the end of the world. Then it’s practically over.
* socks on floor stand for: This kind of meaningless stuff that annoys you but shouldn’t really annoy you when you’re in love and this is The One.
When I begin to feel chronically henpecked/nagged/criticized.
Not just sometimes. All couples have wrinkles to iron out. But when I feel routinely set upon about stupid stuff… when trivial things start becoming fights… when instead of addressing her criticism I reply, “get off my fucking back”… it’s as good as over.