S Is for Spanking

The following is an excerpt from the “S”section of our new A-Z book, 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink. Every bolded word below indicates an entry in our encyclopedia of sorts. The book is on sale now!

Spanking is hand-to-tush contact, which many consider more intimate and less scary than any other type of flagellation. It’s Christian Grey’s calling card. Spanking is definitely safer for newbies, since you have much more control over (and better aim with) your own hand. Spanking can be a seasoning (a few spanks during a particularly passionate bout of intercourse to add some kinky flavor), an appetizer (spanking as foreplay before more orgasm-focused activities, like the first vaginal balls scene in Fifty Shades of Grey), or it can be a meal in and of itself (a session in which the spanking is the goal — the main course, if you will — that takes half an hour to serve and enjoy).

If you’re hungry for more than just a sprinkle of seasoning, then follow the rules of any first-time flagellation: Have the spankee lie across your lap, kneel on a bed, stretch out stomach-down, or bend over something they can put their full weight on for comfort; start slowly and build up intensity gradually with your bottom’s permission, varying your pressure and strokes; and contain your spanking to the lower, fleshier halves of each cheek and the backs of the upper thighs (even if you’re just having a spanking snack during sex, this area should be your target) — avoid the lower back, tailbone, and back of the knees at all costs.

Specific considerations for spanking include the following:

  1. Remove all bracelets and rings.
  2. Start with a butt massage.
  3. Follow each blow with a short massage, too, to spread out the pain and keep things nice ‘n’ warm (at least during your first few sessions together).
  4. A woman might like particular attention paid at the intersection of ass crack and crease, with the vibrations reverberating throughout the vulva, but definitely steer clear of the guy’s family jewels.
  5. Remember that, because of your close proximity to your partner, spanking is especially great for pleasantly diddling their lemonade area while whacking the steps of their fudge factory ‘round the corner.

A.k.a. fanny dusting. See also floggers, paddles, slappers, and arnica cream.

150 Shades of Grey: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink is on sale now!






  1. ^ Good question, figleaf. Although I’m generally a dominant lover, I do occasionally enjoy being subjected to domination. Pegged, smacked around, all that shit – but spanked? No thanks.

    I’d feel foolish bent over a woman’s knee. The physical sensation does nothing for me. It’s not nearly hard-core or abusive enough to satisfy my submissive streak. My ass isn’t sexy like a woman’s.

    Spanking a woman is also not really something that drives me. I do it because they like it.

  2. I’m still so trying to wrap my little brain around the idea that it’s 99% hetero women’s partners spanking them rather than the other way around.

    No knocks on you two, obviously. The mix seems to be so common as to make generalizations like that fine.

    I’m just curious about the physics, or anatomy here. Because even doing non-“spanking” petrissage in massage (those kind of “karate chops” with the edge and flat of the hands) seems to get way more women’s motors running than men’s. Or is it the psychology? I’ve almost never heard of gay men routinely spanking each other outside the context of more intentional BDSM. And it’s almost never mentioned by lesbians. And, maybe even more perplexing, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of bi men carrying spanking over to male partners, nor bi women requesting spankings from their female partners.

    Do I just not get out enough anymore (entirely possible?) Or is this really an overwhelmingly majority-hetero activity?

    And don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with it being majority hetero, if that’s what it is. What gets our motors running in bed is or should be entirely separate from what motivates our conduct elsewhere. I’m just curious about the source of the apparent differences.



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