A little spanking session in the bedroom is a quick, easy, and affordable way to spice things up (look ma, nothing but hands!). But as with anything involving painful pleasure, there are always important safety issues — both physical and emotional — that you should familiarize yourself with first, before you go swatting away like gangbusters. Consider this the kinder, gentler way to spank:

1. Remove all bracelets and rings. The only prop you need is your bare palm. But if you want to accessorize, best to go with a made-for-kinky-play paddle, like the Naughty and Nice Plush Paddle at GoodVibes.com — something like this is easy to control the aim and force of (unlike whips and floggers, which are too dangerous for dabblers).

2. Make sure you have a willing participant. You can’t take someone over your knee and go to town without their consent first (no matter how naughty they’ve been, which apparently includes not buying the right coffee, see above). However, if you know each other well and fully trust each other and believe they’d truly enjoy it, you can try one very gentle little love pat on the bum during sex and gauge their reaction.

3. If you get their go-ahead from there, very gradually work your way up in spanking intensity, interspersing swats with soothing massages to spread the heat — all the while checking in with your partner as to their comfort and eagerness.

4. Only aim for the lower, fleshier halves of each cheek and the backs of the upper thighs  — avoid the lower back, tailbone, and back of the knees. Remember, you’re going for good pain (e.g. an intense back massage), not bad pain (e.g. getting a finger slammed in a car door, or listening to Celine Dion).

5. While a woman might like particular attention paid to the intersection of bum crack and crease, with the vibrations reverberating throughout the vulva, definitely steer clear of his family jewels!