Should She Dump Her Boyfriend Over Trump?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

I’m a staunch democrat, my boyfriend is a fiscal conservative but socially liberal. And he’s seriously considering voting for Donald Trump in November because he hates Hillary Clinton, and it’s breaking my heart. He thinks Donald Trump is, deep down, a democrat, who’s just saying absolutely anything to get conservative votes; he thinks Trump wouldn’t really do all the things he’s said he will if he actually gets in office; and he won’t even consider the third party Libertarian candidate — even though Gary Johnson’s much more aligned with his own values — because he thinks that would just be handing Clinton the White House.

As a woman, a feminist, and a caring human being, it really disturbs me that someone I love and care about would throw his vote away on a person I believe is truly dangerous to this country — dangerous to reproductive rights, LGBTQ rights, religious freedom, freedom of the press, immigrants & foreigners, foreign relations….the list goes on.

The problem is, my boyfriend and I have a wonderful relationship. We love each other, we get along great, the sex is fabulous, and we share the same interests except in this one area. I’m so, so confused by this. If it weren’t for our political differences, I’d probably consider marrying this guy down the road. But I’m just not sure I can be with someone who supports a politician who’s personality and policies I find so morally reprehensible. I feel like it should be a deal breaker. Am I overreacting?

— “Mary Matalin”

What Should M.M. do?
Let her know in the comments below:



  1. First tell your boyfriend that Trump is not a conservative, he is some where between an oligarch and a fascist. He also changes his position on almost everything faster then the weather in the Ohio valley changes

    On the “social liberal”, Trump is in no way a social liberal. He only cares about “social” things that affect the rich.

    If he insist on voting for Trump, you may want to seriously consider finding a new boy friend, because if that is his perspective (which makes no sense)he will be nothing but trouble.

  2. I think this is an easy answer.

    If you can’t respect the person you are with, you are probably with the wrong person. I don’t agree with a lot of the things my wife believes but when I talk to her about them I can see why she believes them and I can respect her position even if I think it isn’t quite right. (Note: she has also swayed my opinion on some issues after these conversations).

    So if your boyfriends support for Trump means you can’t respect him anymore then you should probably move on.

    In general, I don’t think political differences are all that big of deal between people. However, Trump is much more polarizing than the average political candidate so I can understand how this might be a bigger deal to you.

    Personal note: I hate Trump with a passion. Please read the stories of how he treated the tenants of his apartments in New York to understand why.

  3. It is really a question you have to address yourself. Is your boyfriend’s political views a deal breaker. Relationships between political opposites can work. One of the best known examples is James Carville and Mary Matalin. Carville helped get Bill Clinton into the White House. Matalin worked in key positions for George H.W. Bush, both in his election and re-election campaigns. They were involved during the 1992 election and married in 1993. While you may find your boyfriend’s support for Trump repugnant, it does not mean that you cannot work around your differences. However, whether or not you want to do this, and cancel out each other’s vote, is a choice only you can make.

  4. Here’s something to think about before you go all, “caring human beings vote for Hilary,” though: Hilary Clinton – and this is what I’ll never forgive her for – voted in favor of the probably illegal, definitely immoral, and definitely DEFINITELY unjustified invasion of Iraq. Thousands upon thousands of Iraqi civilians – and some terrorists, probably, but lots and lots of civilians – died beneath American shells. Hilary Clinton voted for that.

    1. Johnny,
      On your comment about Hillary voting to go into Iraq, she, like many others in congress, was lied to by G W Bush and his cabal of idiots. So, you cannot really blame Hillary for her vot3e on this subject.

      1. I do blame her. I knew Bush was lying. It was completely apparent. I suspect Clinton knew too, but went along with what was a politically popular move at the time. Or maybe she didn’t know better, making her less fit for office than, well… me.

        Whatever though, I don’t want to start a political argument here. Don’t worry, I won’t vote for Trump, I promise that.

      2. … and there’s my long-held personal grudge against Clinton.

        When I was in college my PolSci professor asked if I’d volunteer for the then-senatorial candidate’s campaign when she came to campus. I agreed. I was neither for or against Clinton at that point, just helping out a teacher I got along with. We were supposed to meet Hilary at the end of the event. We only met her assistant, who was an absolute dickhole to we unimportant, unpaid peons. I thought it kind of sucked that Clinton couldn’t spare ten minutes to thank people who had done a lot of work for her for free, but whatever.

        I get back to my dorm to the news that the Clinton traveling road show had towed my girlfriend’s car. The car was legally parked in the campus parking lot, and there was no signage indicating that the space would be commandeered by Clinton. But fuck college kids, Hilary Clinton coming through!

        Clever lad that I was, I figured out where on campus the cars had been towed and I stole back my girlfriend’s car. They had a cop posted and everything! I gave him a stern nod and wave on the way in, and another on the way out in the repossessed ride. I had a good laugh and forgot all about it until the cops showed up at my girlfriend’s door months later and said they’d arrest her if she didn’t pay the tow fine, in cash, right now.

        So as far as I’ve always been concerned, Hilary Clinton is a rude, car-thieving extortionist.

    2. Actual all the senators voted for was to give the President the authorization to invade I raq. That’s not the same as voting to go to war. The DMV gives me the authorization to drive my car. If I choose to drive my car into a crowd of people and kill them is the DMV responsible?

      1. If the DMV knew that your intention was to drive that car into a crowd as soon as you got your license, yes, I would say that the DMV is partially responsible.

        1. If they knew. She had no way of knowing what Bush was going to do. Plus this was just after 9/11 and the mood of the country was far different than it is now or even a year or two after.

  5. “he’s seriously considering voting for Donald Trump in November because he hates Hillary Clinton”

    I said the same thing for like ten seconds, but I was just having a tantrum. I swore I’d never vote for Hilary Clinton. I think she’s odious and incompetent. But here I am, ready to vote for her, for the exact same reasons your BF is voting for Trump. And I’m not voting for Sanders for the same reasons your BF won’t vote for Johnson. It’s a choice between terrible and even worse, however you see it.

    I don’t know. All bets are off on this one. It’s insane that it’s come to this. Crazy times. I want to say just quit talking politics and stay together, but… God damn. Trump support is just one of those things that automatically puts you on my “you’re a moron” list, and I don’t know if I could date someone who I think is a moron.

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