Reader Joseph recently took us to task for our advice to a twenty-four-year-old woman who said she likes her co-worker more than her boyfriend, but feels like maybe she should stay with her boyfriend because they have a “solid” relationship and her friends and family adore him. Our advice, in a nutshell, was, “Be twenty-four.” Have fun, flirt, date around, don’t settle down, etc, etc. But according to Joseph, it is exactly this approach that is causing young people to be so narcissistic and immature. Here’s his comment; what do you think?
Yes she is 24! So she should be mature enough to not think like a 15-16 year old kid. The problem with today’s society is that it keeps young men and young women in the ” kids” status by claiming you are too young to settle, in other words today’s philosophy is ” your too young to take on responsibility. No wonder today’s society is so narcissistic and immature, people back then at 16 plus where mature and forced to take on responsibility for their own live, stop using you are only 24 years old excuse to keep people in the Peter Pan syndrome, she is 24 she should be an mature adult and if she is not is time to become one. Grow up article writer.
This sounds like it was written by someone under the age of 24. It also reeks of the assumption that getting married/settled down automatically makes a person mature. This is not so. A significant portion of the high divorce rate is attributable to people who marry in their late teens or early twenties.
In sum, you shouldn’t encourage people to settle down in order to “grow them up.” People should grow up before they settle down. Are there 24 year olds out there who are mature enough to make a lifetime commitment? Sure, maybe. Are they the rule? Absolutely not. Statistically, waiting before you settle down is good advice, if your goal is to form a lifelong relationship.* Whatever relationship you are in in your early 20’s isn’t likely to be “the one.”
Telling someone to wait until they have a certain amount of life experience before settling down will not “make” someone narcissistic. It might encourage someone who is already a narcissist to just take that and run with it, but it isn’t going to fundamentally change the personality of a sensible, considerate person.
*I’m also sick of the lifelong relationship being held out as the one and only true model of relationship “success.”