Longtime EMandLO.com reader Dave on the Incel Rebellion:
On April 23rd, 2018, a lone male drove a delivery style van down a crowded Toronto sidewalk, killing 10 people and seriously injuring dozens of others. First thoughts from the media and the general public were that this might have been a terrorist attack, based (sadly) upon other tragic events over recent years. Upon further investigation, it was concluded not to have been a terror attack. But is that actually accurate? Terror can come in many forms.
The perpetrator of this crime was a 25-year-old, single guy named Alek Minassian. We quickly learned that his motivation for the attack was his status as “incel,” or involuntarily celibate. So what did his sex life, or lack thereof, have to do with this young man snapping and looking to kill as many people as he possibly could?
Incels hate women. They blame women for not wanting or desiring them, for not having sex with them, for rejecting them. But incels also hate men who are sexually successful with women. The women who reject incels are called “Staceys” and the sexually successful men are referred to as “Chads.”
The Incel Rebellion seems to have been started — or at least popularized — by Elliot Rodger, the 22-year-old virgin who, in 2014, went on a killing spree that ended in his own suicide. Elliot blamed his virginity on his rejection by Staceys. But Rodger was rich and fairly good looking, which usually correlates with some measure of romantic success. So why did every woman he pursued reject him?
Is it possible that he was an immature, socially inept creep? That’s what I’d put my money on.
After doing some research on incels, it is clear they have a warped, sexist sense of self. Because they want to fuck a Stacey, they feel they deserve to fuck said Stacey. When they get rejected, they don’t take it very well. Like grown, male versions of Veruca Salt, they scream to themselves, “Why can’t I get what I want?!” Desperate for validation about these feelings, they search the internet in search of others with similar problems and perspectives. And thus begins their dark descent.
The internet is an amazing world: information on whatever you’re looking for is just a few keystrokes and mouse clicks away. Looking to network with fellow crocheters? You got it! Want to find other people who keep dreaming about aardvarks? No problem. Are you a cannibal looking for someone with a death wish who will gladly let you eat their penis before finishing them off? The Internet can bring you two together!
Yes, for all the good the Internet does, it has a definite dark side. It fosters fear and loathing. It allows incels to find each other, wallow together in their despair, bond over their “unjust” treatment, and turn their self-hate outward into active misanthropy. It’s easier to blame someone other than themselves, so they blame the Chads and Staceys of the world.
Almost every heterosexual guy faces rejection in his life, especially early on. I remember when I hit my teens, I discovered — surprise, surprise! — an intense and growing interest in girls. All I could think about was smelling them, touching them, being with them. But the girls didn’t seem to return that interest. So what was an awkward, average-looking, skinny teen boy supposed to do? I needed a game plan. My first course of action was to develop my body: I took up weight training, guzzled protein drinks, chewed protein tablets . . . I did everything the bodybuilding ads said would make me successful with women. And it worked! My body rocked. But guess what? The girls still weren’t interested in me.
It took me years to figure out why. It wan’t my looks, it was my personality. I was a shy kid, and the muscles hadn’t made me any less awkward. I’d developed my body, but not my persona. Women weren’t the problem, I was. I eventually realized I needed to make changes on the inside — that it was up to me to improve my lot in life. I learned how to speak to girls, to get to know them, to make them — and myself in the process — feel comfortable. I eventually lost my virginity at 18.
But did that mean I never faced rejection again? Of course not! Rejection is a fact of life — whether it’s rejection by romantic interests, job opportunities, loan offices of banks . . . Just because you want that hottie/job/loan doesn’t mean you’ll get it. Don’t take their rejection personally; understand that obviously this is not a person who was suited for you (no matter how how much you want to fuck them); and just move on, repeating that old saying like a mantra: “plenty of fish in the sea . . . ” Take comfort in the fact that the rarefied Chads and Stacies of the world are just that — rare. Which means there are plenty of average, everyday people that you — as an average, everyday person yourself (who’s not a creep) — can date and eventually have sex with.
Unfortunately, some young straight men — especially those at risk of becoming incels — find these concepts hard to grasp. Again, they possess a misogynistic sense of entitlement: I’m attracted to her so she should automatically be attracted to me, gosh darn it. This makes them lazy: they don’t develop their interpersonal skills or learn the art of conversation (texting has helped things much). So alone and lonely — buttressed by a bunch of angry, anonymous, likeminded strangers online — they take the easy, unrealistic way out: expect the entire world to change around them instead of the other way around.
Reddit and weep: