Funny sex scenes — at least, those that are meant to make you laugh — are often the best kind. Ironically, they tend to portray much more realistic on-screen sex than their serious, sultry counterparts. In funny sex scenes, you get weirdness, kink, awkwardness, jealousy, fantasy — oh yeah, and condoms. For some reason, the only time you see latex on screen is when the sex is supposed to be funny. Below are ten of the funniest sex scenes of all time — though not all of them were initially intended to be funny (we’re looking at you, Clive Owen). By the way, if you’re wondering where the American Pies of the movie world are: we took the liberty of limiting this list to scenes that made us laugh. And we’re not — nor have we ever been — fourteen-year-old boys.
10. THE MEANING OF LIFE (1983)
The Brits may not excel at Olympic opening ceremonies, but they sure do excel at making sex funny. This Monty Python film features the weirdest sex-ed lesson in the history of cinema — but actually, it’s a lot more helpful than most real-life sex ed these days.
A Catholic school teacher, played by John Cleese, asks his male students how to get the “vaginal juices” flowing. “Rubbing the clitoris, sir?” asks one boy. Cleese responds, “What’s wrong with a kiss, boy? Hmm? Why not start her off with a nice kiss? You don’t have to go leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate.” He discusses other methods, from stroking thighs to nibbling earlobes. In case of performance anxiety, he suggests: “Tonguing will give you the best idea of how the juices are coming along.”
But it’s when Cleese pulls down a four-poster murphy bed from his classroom wall that things get really weird: he proceeds to have matter-of-fact intercourse with his wife in front of the students to demonstrate how things work, while simultaneously reprimanding the students for not paying attention or passing notes. Only Cleese could seem so earnest and likeable in this position.
9. BRIDESMAIDS (2011)
The genius of taking America’s biggest sex symbol at the time (“Mad Men”‘s brooding John Hamm) and putting him in a cameo sex scene — complete with crossed eyes, incompetent sexual technique, and awkward laughing — cannot be understated.
8. BANANAS (1971)
If you can get past the retro references (e.g. “the bride wore the traditional virginal white,” “[they] are now man and wife”) and the abuse allegations against Woody Allen (difficult, we know), the Wild World of Sports parody in this early comedy is awkward sex at its best. Howard Cosell joins a newlywed couple in their hotel room — complete with cheering crowd — to give a live, on-the-spot telecast of their honeymoon night. It’s all done in the style of a boxing match, with a starting bell and the husband making his entrance with a white towel around his neck. Cosell gives running commentary as the marriage is consummated under a shiny peach blanket, then climbs into bed with the couple for the post-coital interview. Points for the acknowledgment of female dissatisfaction in the inept hands of male delusion. Best Cosell commentary? “He’s wearing a green corduroy suit.”
7. AMERICAN PSYCHO (2000)
Funny sex isn’t limited to comedies — take the macabre movie American Psycho (based on the disturbing — some have argued woman-hating, others have argued man-hating — book by Bret Easton Ellis). Christian Bale, as Patrick Bateman, hosts two prostitutes and explains to them the genius of Phil Collins. “I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, rather than as a solo artist,” he tells them, and the tone of his voice lets them know they shouldn’t even think about disagreeing. “And I stress the word artist. This is ‘Sussudio.’ Great great song.” Bale then proceeds to have sex with the two women — to ‘Sussudio’! — while vamping in the mirror: he points at himself, winks, flexes his muscles, and runs his hand through his hair like Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. It’s not exactly slapstick, but the dark humor is a welcome relief in this bleak tale of nightmarish misogyny.
6. SHOOT ‘EM UP (2007)
Funny sex isn’t always intentional. At least, we’re assuming we weren’t meant to laugh when Clive Owen is interrupted, mid-sex with Monica Belluci, by a gang of men with guns and never once removes his penis from her vagina, despite dodging bullets and slaying multiple attackers. He rolls off the bed, spins across the floor, bounces off objects, and, for the finale, pushes Belluci against the wall for her orgasmic climax. She has her eyes closed the entire time and it’s unclear whether she’s clueless about all the gunshots or simply turned on by them. Either way, she gets her happy finish. We know: it sure sounds like a joke, but we think it was meant simply to be hot and action-packed. Though Owen’s groan-inducing follow-up line — “Talk about shooting your load” — may suggest otherwise.
5. A FISH CALLED WANDA (1988)
Remember how we said that filmmakers often feel freer to get kinky when the sex is being played for comedic value? Enter Jamie Lee Curtis’s Wanda — a shameless foreign language fetishist — and her boyfriend Otto, played by Kevin Kline. Otto seduces Wanda with a string of Italian words and songs, including, as he places her black lace stocking over his face, a cry of “Benito Mussolini!” He takes breaks to sniff his own armpits, then breathes in the scent of one of her knee-high boots, before inflating it to imitate an elephant, and then beating himself with it. No wonder Kline won the Oscar for this movie — his absolutely ridiculous O-face alone is worth a golden statue.
4. OFFICE SPACE (1999)
John Cusack, in High Fidelity (2000), imagines his ex-girlfriend having ecstatic sex with his long-haired hippie upstairs neighbor (Tim Robbins). Cusack’s voice-over: “No one in the history of the world is having better sex than the sex you are having with Ian… in my head.” Meanwhile, Nightmare-Robbins licks the woman’s neck, bears his teeth in a raunchy grimace, and spreads his arms wide to shimmy. Chilling.
Or take the scene in She’s Having a Baby, when Kevin Bacon, after learning that his wife has told her parents about their conception troubles, imagines his in-laws at the foot of their bed, complete with headlamps, giving him pointers: “Get your butt up!”
But we’re going to have go ahead and say that our favorite nightmare sex is from Office Space. (Oh Bill Lumbergh, how we love you and your TPS reports!) Cubicle rat Peter (Ron Livingston) has a nightmare about his boss Lumbergh (Gary Cole) having sex with Peter’s girlfriend, mmm-kay? Nightmare-Lumbergh is oiled up, mid-coitus, and says, “You can just go ahead and move a little bit to the left.” He stops to take a sip from his coffee mug and adds, “Yeah, that’s it.”
3. TRAINWRECK (2015)
Talking dirty is hard. Everyone has their own unique idea of what is hot (and what is not). And rarely do two people’s ideas align. No movie captures this more perfectly — or hilariously — than Amy Schumer’s Trainwreck. Early in the film, Amy asks her jacked-up boyfriend (Oscar-worthy John Cena) to talk dirty to her during sex. He proceeds to spew forth inspirational sports quotes, Chinese language lessons, and, inadvertently, deep deep secrets.
2. TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE (2004)
Oh man, we just looked up this scene to refresh our memory, and happened upon the original, uncensored, two-minute long version of the puppet sex scene in this movie. There’s puppet poop play! Puppet watersports! (And we’re not talking windsurfing.) Puppet salad-tossing! But even the much cleaner final cut which made it into the movie — less than a minute long — is simultaneously hilarious and wrong. Some of the sex positions are not humanly possible — and even if they were, you could never show them in an R-rated movie. We love the swift transition from candle-lit chest-stroking and sensually intertwined legs to hardcore doggy-style fucking — all to the tune of a romantic power ballad (“All I Ask Is That You’re a Woman”). Pretty impressive for a plastic doll with no penis.
1. SKIN DEEP (1989)
We love ourselves a little latex humor! And why is it only in comedies that characters talk about safe sex? Remember the drunken misunderstanding in Knocked Up? Or the classic full-body condoms in The Naked Gun. Condoms keep things light while prevent a lot of potential tragedy.
Our favorite classic condom scene is in the otherwise forgettable film Skin Deep. In it, a philandering woman offers her extracurricular lover (John Ritter) one of her partner’s condoms, and it turns out to be glow-in-the-dark blue. When Rick, the woman’s partner, returns, Ritter jumps into a closet, while Rick dons a red glow-in-the-dark condom as a sexy surprise… but the real surprise is when he finds Ritter in the closet. Man fighting ensues. Oh, did we mention that the lights are out for most of this scene? Which means that the entire thing plays out via two bobbing, erect, disembodied, condom-clad penises. Now that’s a sword fight.
This post has been updated.
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