Monogamy gets a bad rap these days — people say it’s unnatural, impossible, outdated, stifling. And, yes, sometimes it is! Especially if your wedding anniversary now contains two digits. But anything worth fighting for will usually put you through the ringer, and monogamy is no exception. So before your partner’s bad habits drive you to the brink of insanity or you start taking your fantasies about your hot, young mail carrier a little too seriously, let us remind you of 10 good reasons to keep fighting that good fight by staying true to your one and only.
Note: Please also check out our companion article, Top 10 Reasons for Being – and Staying – Non-Monogamous, in which we state: “Both monogamy and non-monogamy have their pros and cons; in both posts, we’ve tried to focus on the pros. Neither is an attempt at telling you how to be, but rather an encouragement of who you are and how you choose to be.”
1. Sex can improve with time. Monogamy isn’t just about marrying off before everything starts to sag. Age can also mean that you get to know your body better, you become more comfortable in your own skin, you leave youthful insecurities behind, and your partner learns your body so well they could navigate you blindfolded. Given enough time, you and your partner can discover untold routes to your happy place. Why would you want to keep starting from scratch and having to break out the instruction manual all over again?
2. Cuddling comes naturally. There’s no awkward pre-sleep shuffle as you try to find the best spooning position that will be comfortable all night. After years together, your bodies just naturally fall into place around each other.
3. Peace of mind about STDs. Assuming both of you are true to your vows of sexual fidelity, then you don’t have to worry about contracting any (or any more) sexually transmitted infections.
4. Freedom from relentless beauty rituals. We’re not saying that once you make a sexual commitment to someone for the long haul, all thoughts of personal hygiene and grooming should go out the window. In fact, the longer you’ve been married, the nicer it is to regularly gussy yourself up. However, the ridiculous beauty standards people — especially women — are expected to live up to these days are automatically lowered when you spend day after day after day with one partner (thank goodness!).
5. Open relationships are for an elite few. It’s the rare, highly evolved person missing the jealousy gene who can successfully navigate the complicated waters of relationships with an open door policy. We’re not saying it can’t — or shouldn’t — be done, we’re just saying most of us are mere mortals, ones who thrive from the simple security of the pair bond.
6. Cheating is addictive. It’s kind of like breaking the seal: after you’ve gotten away with it once, it’s even harder not to do again. You convince yourself that the affair made you feel more alive than you’ve felt in years, that it didn’t change your feelings for your spouse, and that what they don’t know won’t hurt them. Lies! First of all, the more often you do it, the more likely you are to get caught, especially as you get cocky about your sneaking-around skills. But more importantly, the more you cheat, the less you will respect your partner (for example, you’ll start to look down on them for being so clueless), and the less you’ll respect your own marriage. Eventually, you’ll start to view all human connections with a cynical eye. And what kind of life is that?
7. Monogamy is good for the world. Being a trusty monogamist is good citizenship as well as good karma: If you’re faithful to your partner, then that’s one less person that someone else’s spouse can cheat with. Monogamists pay it forward!
8. Kink is for couples. Dirty sex — the kind that might involve role-playing or spanking or a little light bondage — is best enjoyed with someone you love and trust completely. Letting a first date tie you up? Not such a good idea. Plus, the more domestic and settled your day-to-day life is, the hotter it is to break out the ping pong paddle at night.
9. Monogamy is meaningful. “Loyalty.” “Trust.” “Fidelity.” “Honor.” “Respect.” These are all just words until your actions either give them power and importance or deflate them. Monogamy isn’t meaningful because the church or government says so and it isn’t meaningful because you wore a pouffy white dress/crisp tux and said you wanted it to be meaningful. Rather, monogamy’s meaning expands with each day that you and your partner commit to it. And that’s some pretty powerful stuff.
10. Scrabble. Enough said.
I have been absent for a while, but now I remember why I used to love this blog. Thank you, Iˇ¦ll try and check back more frequently. How frequently you update your site?
As Jason points out, open relationships should be distinguished from “cheating,” and, as Julie notes, there are far more variations in committed relationships than many suspect. Having a honest, faithful, trusting, and sexually fulfilling relationship is essential for any couple, whether sexually monogamous or not. While the attempt to forge that kind of relationship in a way that transgresses the rules of sexual exclusivity is difficult, it is not without very special rewards of its own. Hard as it may seem to believe, some partners take such joy in each other that they would not want to put each other in a cage (however socially acceptable that cage may be).
I am a monaogamist by nature. The ultimate freedom in love is to CHOOSE to be committed to ONE person and do everything you can to make it work. That implies being more concerned about your other than yourself. I follow this creed ‘religiously’, though I am an atheist. I do put my one and only ahead of any god or faith. For you weaklings that have to be coerced by religion to be faithful, you are not truly free, but are bound by silly rules that someone else created. Choose for yourself!
I REALLY Thought this one out….. only 1 reason, YOU MAY VERY WELL GET CAUGHT!!! Bad… Bad..Bad..Bad deal there!!
Far by my experience, children of monogamous parents are more stable & competent to face life knowingly that their roots are strong enough to hurdle elements of our present day stress.Surpassing the temptation to end up into a broken family relies much on the strong belief & practice of parents on the institution of marriage hence the monoganist attitude.As it passes on from generation to generation, the family lineage continues & the clan grows bigger due to the inner strength they have established for years.While polygamist parents most likely end up in broken marriages & their children end up in an endless cycle leading to dissolution of their families.
I don’t care what anyone says,an open relationship,is someone who isn’t really satisfied with His current Lover.I have never cheated.why would I want to.Make sure You truely Love the individual Your with,then cheating becomes obsolete.If You really Love someone no one else can take thier place in Your Heart.All My frioends are dead.They all had open relationships.They all contracted HIV! The best reason to be monogamous!nuff said.
It’s important to remember that different kinds of monogamy exist. For example, you can be emotionally monogamous while being open to sex with multiple partners. Monogamy isn’t just about sex, and open relationships don’t equal cheating.
There’s a difference between “cheating” and “open relationships.” Cheating involves breaking rules, by its nature. Open relationships involve establishing your own rules – so if you’re a responsible member of an open relationship, that’s still one less person for somebody else’s spouse to cheat with. As for “missing the jealousy gene,” it’s a rare open relationship that doesn’t have jealousy in it occasionally. The jealousy is still there, it’s just dealt with constructively through open, active communication.
That said, there is still quite a bit to be said for monogamy. For some folks, it really is the best choice, and for those people, more power to ’em.
Those of us with actual open relationships would just rather not be labeled as cheaters, or forced to adhere to the monogamists standards, that’s all.
Right, that’s why Solomon and all those other biblical figures only had one wife.
You say it it not about the Church or Government and in a sense I agree. But I do believe it is about being the kind of people we were made to be. God created us and he knows what is right and fullfilling for his creation. The Bible when applied right really does teach us what will give us the real joy and completeness that life can offer. I think we know that and I believe your article proves it.
Scrabble?! Seriously? Talk about trying to sell me OUT of it…
Okay, before anyone else accuses us for spewing narrow-minded garbage, will you please please please take 5 minutes to read the OTHER article on our site, titled “Top 10 Reasons for Being and Staying Non-Monogamous” — ESPECIALLY the intro to that piece, in which we state: “Both monogamy and non-monogamy have their pros and cons; in both the previous post and the one below, we’ve tried to focus on the pros. Neither is an attempt at telling you how to be, but rather an encouragement of who you are and how you choose to be.” Check it out here: https://www.emandlo.com/2010/10/top-10-reasons-for-being-and-staying-non-monogamous/
Wow, this is such narrow-minded garbage.
Marriage and monogamy as it is strictly defined is not some pinnacle or goal to strive for, no matter how unhappy it makes you. What you should strive for is the requisite confidence and self-awareness to be able to seek and find the kind of relationship that fulfills you and makes you happy, be it a life of non-committal sex with different partners, closed marriage and 2.5 kids, BDSM swinging, or anything in between.
I have to say I don’t agree with this article. I understand that society tends to frown on poly families however the same benefits can be garnered from a committed group of 3 or more individuals as it can be from a couple.
STIs can be caught in a number of ways, sex simply being the most common. In a group of people who are exclusive to each other the risk is the same as in a couple exclusive to each other. Its still smart to get regular STI testing whether you’re a couple or a group or single.
Cuddling: While its nice to have one person who knows exactly how to cuddle with you there’s something to be said for puppy piles
Open relationships are not for the elite few. They are for those of us who aren’t afraid to trust our partner(s) and communicate our needs and desires with them. They are for those of us who are willing to put in the effort required to make a relationship work.
Unfortunately, society today has us all be selfish about life, “What’s in it for me?” Just look at what Hollywood is putting out, & the music world. Soap Opera’s are not reality, yet we want to have what they have–but they’re not happy, folks! Multiple marriages & lots of money does not make one happy! The science on that is out there–many books have been written on the subject of what is happiness. We’ve simply lost our way & need to get back to what really is important. The family is the backbone of society, yet, because of our being a Narcissistic lot, we only care what WE want, not what is good for the family. Hence, we’re not content to settle down, so we divorce to try & get it right. But since no person is perfect, that’s no big surprise! Perhaps it’s not about the perfect person we look for–it’s more about who we are BE-ing! We usually attract to us people with the same attributes we possess, or at least those who admire them, so, if we’re being trusting, honest, kind, faithful, etc., we’ll attract those with similar attributes. So, why not then, work on ourselves more?! Then, once finding that ‘special’ someone who raises our dopamine levels, commit to them for a lifetime–for everyone’s sakes!