Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What’s the definition of bad sex?“
Straight Single Guy (Chris): Good sex is a function of the physical and the mental. For women, the mental part may be much more about nurturing and safety, or so I’ve read. For men, I would argue the mental part is much more about stroking the ego as much as the penis. Guys want to finish sex feeling manly, powerful, and in control. Guys almost always get off, so the physical part is fairly easy — though I’ve been with some women who really don’t know what they’re doing and don’t take subtle instruction well. For those women, there may be no hope. For the mental part, every guy is different. Most want to make sure their partner was satisfied, which is a win-win situation. If we feel like our partner is bored, or going through the motions, or worst of all, faking it, I think we come away feeling weak and insecure, even if it isn’t true. For the same reasons, guys don’t always want to have to initiate sex. We want our lives to feel like an Axe Body Spray commercial, with dilated pupils and uncontrollable urges. That’s why Axe sells so well, after all.
Gay Married Guy (Jonathan Balthaser): There’s lots of types of bad sex. There’s the I’m-too-drunk-and-can-barely-keep-conscious kind. Worse is the I-wish-you-had-bathed type. The herky-jerky, we-just-don’t-click type is just plain awkward. But by far the worst kind of sex is dispassionate sex: being with someone who’s bored and would rather be playing Scrabble than with your naughty bits.
Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): Having sex with someone who isn’t as into it as you is THE WORST — or so I’ve heard (meh meh). Images like the drunk husband squirming atop his long-suffering wife, who begs off with a headache but eventually submits, should be consigned to cave paintings — because in this day and age sex should have nothing to do with obligation. You can do all the scheduling and experimenting and dressing up (and getting drunk) you want, but you will ultimately have to deal with the fact that at some time, someone just won’t feel like it. Don’t fret about it, and don’t force it — just go find a place to whack/flick off, and maybe next time you’ll get lucky.
Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook, our Straight Single Guy is Chris DiClerico, and our Gay Married Guy is Jonathan Balthaser of Boerum Hill Blog. To ask the guys your own question, click here.