What Is the Etiquette of Saucy Holiday Gifting?

At what point in a relationship is it acceptable to give a gift that is sex-related — a high-end toy, perhaps, or a saucy costume or, say, a beginner’s guide to kink* (to offer a completely random example…)? After you’ve met each other’s parents? After you’ve met each other’s a-holes? After you’ve shared last names? Let us know what you think in the comments section below.

* We happen to think that 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink makes a fantastic holiday gift for booty calls, sisters-in-law, husbands and wives, book club friends, open-minded colleagues, anonymous White Elephant Party recipients… and it’s now under ten dollars!



  1. I’m thinking after you’ve had a real conversation relating to said gift. If you’ve never talked about butt plugs, don’t buy your boo a butt plug. More to the point, if you have no idea whether your lover is into sex toys, erotica, porn, etc., don’t buy it for them.

    Lingerie is a little different. I think that’s an appropriate gift once you’re sleeping together on a regular basis.

    As with any gift, the amount you spend should be proportionate to how long you’ve know the person and how much you both can afford.

  2. Actually I rather like your suggestion that it’s after you’ve discovered one another’s assholes. That seems about the right level of intimacy–more than just falling into bed for the first time but before some sort of serious commitment. Just about at the exploratory fun stage. I can think of a lot of worse rules of thumb (you should pardon the expression).

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